Vivien’s third birthday was Sunday. Naturally, what started as a small gathering in our backyard grew larger and similar in price to the Fed bailout. Invite a few kids, with parents and my relatives, and it was about 30-plus folks. That’s okay: I handled the food (ordered from my husband’s restaurant, naturally), got balloons, rented a couple of tables for outside, had a kid-entertainer who took Viv’s sour morning mood and made her harmonica-playing happy – literally. And I ordered a yummy cake (sidebar: from the most inept bakery, with the worst customer service – Sweet Lady Jane on Melrose in LA). But here’s what got my panties in a bundle: The party favors!
I delayed getting them until the afternoon before the party, so I was overwhelmed at the task. And I found one site that said I should “make the favors memorable.” Oh, for the love of Pete!
It used to be that favors were the same junk you found in piñatas: A little plastic whistle, some candy. Now they are real toys. At a party a few months ago, one mom gave each kid three toys in a bag – I’m talking good Melissa & Doug toys. I think the biggest reason to have favors is to help parents get the screaming kid out the door. “I know you don’t want to leave, but here is a present for you, if you do!”
I called my mom and asked her what to do. She said, “I can’t help you. When you were a kid we didn’t have to give favors.” True, the favor at my kiddie parties was a small paper cup of jellybeans that the kids munched on before cake. In a couple of years, it won’t just be favors. Soon, at kiddie parties they will have gifting suites.
And another thing: At the party, three separate kids came up to me and asked, “Where is the piñata?” I sai, honestly, “No piñata: I don’t like them.” Little kids waving around a big stick and finally some dad has to step in to whack it? The whole thing stresses me out.
Here’s another kiddie party dilemma — how many of the preschool “friends” do you invite? My daughter has received 2 invites for birthday parties for boys in her class, and I’m not liking the whole precedent here. I don’t want, frankly, to have to invite 22 kids to my daughter’s party — but I might want to invite one or two of her best “buds” from school. What’s the etiquette here? Can I attend other kids’ 22+ parties, but then not reciprocate, or, if we go, are we bound to tackle the monster party ourselves? Like you, with family and parents for the 2-3 we’d definitely want there, we’re at 25+, nevermind the parents and kids of the rest of her class.
Lisa, we just send cupcakes, party hats and a little toy (think $2-$3 per kid) to my 4-year-old’s preschool. That’s actually their policy: “If you wish to celebrate your child’s birthday at school, you may send store-bought cupcakes or cookies for a snacktime celebration.” At the beginning of the school year, a calendar is sent home noting the dates of each student’s birthday so you’ll know which days your little cutie’s going to come home climbing the walls from a sugar rush! It’s very convenient in that we don’t feel obligated to invite the schoolmates to Alex’s birthday celebration at home.
Here in the Midwest the birthday parties and favor bags haven’t gotten too out of hand considering what I hear about the Coasts! WE usually do the cheapie toys and candy in a little bag. One mom gave all the kids a $5 gift card to Target? WTF?! I buy your kid a present and you reimburse me $5? Nice thought, she must have been stressed about the gift bags and thought “Screw it, give ‘em money!”. I don’t even do that. I took a picture of each kid with the birthday boy (they had cute sailor hats on for the theme), then printed them out while the kids ate lunch/cake. Gave it to them when they left in a card that said “Thanks for walking the plank with Nick!”. Cheap and easy!
I am with you on the party favor deal, makes no sense to spend as much a real gift would cost! What’s the point?
I will have to say w/ my older kids I was able to give a helium baloon, or some stickers and candy in a cute bag. (these kids are now 16 and 19! )
I’m just getting back on what I like to call the “birthday-go-round” w/ my bonus baby who just turned 3 a couple of weeks ago. We did the cupcake deal at pre-school, I sent a small goody bag w/ a handful of candy and a pair of cheap sunglasses from the Walmart party favor aisle.
Happy Happy Birthday Miss Vivien!!!
My son turned 10 yesterday. OMG!! We did the Incredible Pizza party. (incrediblepizza.com) Never, I repeat, never again! We sent out 12 invites – 3 of which didn’t come – only 1 RSVP by the date I requested – 2 the night before the party – and get this…..22 kids showed up!!! What ate our shorts was the assumption that all these siblings were invited. (of the 22, 9 were siblings) At about $20 per kid for this event I was a little peeved. Or do you just say, Hey, get your other kids out of the party room, they weren’t invited? That would be rude. I guess those parents count on that though. One family had out of town guests with kids and brought them. (That guys gave me the creeps) They weren’t at the party part but some how ended up in the game area and wanted me to refill his game card. I told him to take a hike. This may be petty, so don’t stone me, but what is the gift etiquette if like one family brought 2 additional siblings plus the kid invited? I’m just say’n…we got 22 guests and he got 10 gifts. **smacks hand, I’m really not ungrateful**
Rant Part II:
What’s up with the not RSVPing? We’ve had this problem on every party. Is it that hard to pick up the phone and say yay or nay? I don’t understand this at all. We also send thank you’s and I gotta say, we’ve only received a couple from the parties we’ve attended. Tsk Tsk…bad manners.
Don’t get me started on the no RSVPing. Cause I need a head count for those favors!
I had people who crashed or last minute didn’t show up at my wedding… hello? $100 plus a head.
I didn’t invite any school friends. Thus the kid count was held to 10. The next day at school I brought little bundt cakes for each kid after lunch.
The cakes at school were lovely, Daphne, so many thanks for NOT inviting the class to Viv’s party! It’s nice to have those all-class parties from time to time, but I say we should leave ‘em to those who are so ambitious as to want to plan them. Besides, not inviting everyone lessens the scheduling stress for everyone — two weeks ago we had 3 birthday parties over the same weekend, so I’m happy when the list is kept short on occasion so we can have a weekend to ourselves!
We try to stick with the “age plus one” formula for inviting friends to birthdays — including the adult friends. So this year, Amy had two little friends (plus parents) and two of our friends (whom she knows). And that was plenty. She remembers her cupcake day at school fondly enough that we don’t need any special production number beyond that.
As for gift bags: Here’s an article from a few years back that I continue to reference and send along to people. It addresses both the crazy birthday party syndrome AND how to avoid making gift bags. If Amy wants a bigger party next year, this is strictly the path that I’m going to take:
http://www.slate.com/id/2135287/
Am I just being a curmedgeon?
Thanks Mike, will check out. Mike is a fellow pre school parent of mine!
i skip favors entirely and instead send kids home with the craft we’ve done as one of the party activities.
I was lucky with favors, as I had a friend who’s actually very artsy and made boxes with names on them (for the 10 kids at my daughter’s 1st birthday) with crayons, playdoh, and various accessories inside. As for the pinata – well that was somewhat less successful, though the kids seemed to like it anyway… we had one what broke when you pulled the strings… needless to say the bottom didn’t open and the adults wound up just breaking it open and spilling the contents out over the kids. Frankly pinatas disturb me anyhow – aside from the “number” pinatas, the ones with the characters basically encourage a child to bash open a likeness of their favorite character – if that doesn’t put somebody into therapy…..