Me and the Spa “Girls”

Yes, it’s hard being a basic cable superstar.  

Spa Girls - Cool Mom

One of the perks of my life on the G-list are the spa shoots I do for the Fashion Team. Now, they all look better than they are. I got a detox massage from a spa once that made me want to barf. But the Spa Girls are a mobile unit that shows up and does your spa treatment for you and your friends in your own home. They have a thriving business going to the sets of TV shows.

They showed up and wowed the neighbors in their convertible car. I didn’t get a real massage as we have to cheat it for camera, but my mommy friend Jung got a massage from two people, including having her butt vigorously rubbed. Fun! Yes, my “work” is not done in a coal mine.

The Spa Girls were a fun-loving lot. It’s not cheap, but if any Cool Mom readers are in the area that they service, they have a discount for you all. Here’s their offer:

We’re happy to offer $100 off the first service 
(mention Promo Code SGCM08, valid for 1 month)
The contact info for Spa Girls is:
877.99. SPA GIRL
www.thespagirls.tv

Home Schooling

What would you say to a mom who says she might never send her kid to school? Well, the folks on Babble.com got an earful when one mom said just that. It’s called “Unschooling.” Now, I really try not to judge other mothers’ choices, but from personal experience, this was the nicest way I could say: BAD IDEA!

Pee Plus Time Equals Comedy

As I was working on an essay about using humor in your home for Parent & Child magazine today, I had one of my suggestions tested. Today I was the filling of the sandwich… as in, the sandwich generation. Vivien is being toilet-trained, and since it was my dad’s 80th birthday, he spent the night at my house. We had a great party for him the night before, but I didn’t want him to wake up in assisted living, away from kin.

Funny Face-1
Creative Commons License photo credit: Tansan

Well, just because I’m on TV doesn’t mean I don’t spend my mornings cleaning up the urine of my many loved ones from the carpet or couch. I wrote in my essay that moms don’t have time to turn the tragedy into comedy. You have to go right to the comedy. As I scrubbed my hallway carpet – the most expensive carpet I have ever bought – I initially found this hard to do. Then I had my half-cup of coffee and the old funny bone started firing up. Also, I got some perspective, thinking of people in their own real tragedies. So what’s a little pee between loved ones?

Are You Too Nice To Your Kids?

The other day, I was reading about D.L. Hughley hosting the first-ever comedy show on CNN. He said his dad never told him “I’m proud of you,” but that his dad just acknowledging that he was a first on CNN was like a pep talk.

2008.10.26 - Caution! Slip hazard!
Creative Commons License photo credit: a.drian

That got me thinking of something I have often thought about: I think my parents were too nice to me. When I was doing a traffic report at 1 a.m. in Northern California (yes, I did that), my parents acted like I was Hillary Swank winning the Oscar. “Your Aunt Arlene can get KGO in San Diego and listens to you!”  

When I hosted my first (and only) network show, “Playing It Straight,” they paid for me to have a debut party which coincided with my birthday. (The local news came and it was really cool. The show tanked, but that’s another story.)

Perhaps if they had been the kind of parents that withheld praise, I would have strived beyond my G-list status. Maybe I would have had that hunger to succeed I see in others,as opposed to my philosophy, which is: “I’m shooting for the middle.”

Am I making the same mistake with my daughter? When she draws outside the lines, should I continue to find something something to praise, like ,”Love that you used the whole page!” Or should start laying down some expectations?: “Try to get it within the lines.”

I was thinking of that HIllary Clinton story, of when she was a girl. She came home and told her mom some girl had slugged her. Her mom said to go back out there and face the girl, that “we don’t have cowards in this house.” She did, and clearly Hillary grew up tough and able to take a punch.

My mom would have said, “The girl who slugged you is a sick girl; I know her parents and they aren’t well. Forgive her.”

What have others done that seems to work?

Cool Mom Poll: Parental ADD

A friend just sent me one of those chain emails that is a witty bit about having ADD as an adult. Of course the problem I have with the email is that it’s too long! That’s partly my comedic training: If the set-up is too long, you have lost your audience.

But maybe it’s because I do have a shorter attention span. 

I think I’ve always been an impatient, cut-to-the-chase person, but motherhood sped things up. If a friend calls during some five minutes of peace I have because my little one has just found a bright, shiny object… in the old days, I could have yapped a while. Now I have to use my moments efficiently.

Or maybe I have early dementia and can’t keep too many thoughts in my head at once. So this week I want to ask you if  you ever feel like you’ve got adult-onset ADD? And is it parenthood that did it to you? Let me know in the poll below, and I’ll reveal the results on Friday:

 

Dressing Like a Slob

In this video, I’m just hanging out in the storage room at a MyGym, vlogging with the gals. And wishing I took my own fashion advice more often! Ironic, considering I write jokes for Star Magazine every week for “Worst of the Week.” This was one of my own worst of the week.

I did make an effort today and put on makeup. Of course, by lunch it was already filthy, but I tried!

Cool Mom Poll Results: Double Strollers

I love the people who visit Cool Mom! I wanted to go off on the double stroller, but I thought, “Hmm, am I just a total bitch? Perhaps I should put this issue up for a vote.” Well, as of last night, 61% of you think the double strollers are a menance.

Double Stroller Poll Results - Cool Mom

Now, I feel a little bad about agreeing, ’cause sometimes you have twins (or Catholic twins) and you just need a double. But in tight corners, they are ungainly. And I loved the comments from the moms who have been in the trenches with the tandems and double-wides. Reminds me of the difference between labor and C-sections: They both suck.

Check out all our past polls and their results on the Cool Mom Quizzes and Polls page.

Don’t Talk to Me, We’re Married

This video was one of those moments where I realized how I have changed over the years. Other than crows’ feet and various colors in my hair, I think, “Hey, I’m the same gal, right?” Nah. Now, I can keep a bit more to myself and I need a lot less validation. Which is good for anyone. But it’s especially good for my husband.

The Gift That Keeps On Giving

My sister-in-law, Leslie, is staying with us for about a week and a half.  She’s a great house guest: She works during the day and is good company at night, if you want it. If you want to be solo, that’s good for her, too.  

Vivien loves her.  Leslie speaks kid and when she arrived she gave her what I thought was a great gift. Some kind of rice krispy-like, sparkly play dough. I threw away the box, so I don’t know what it is called, but it came in blocks of color and I thought, “Hey, this will be fun!”

Well, now look at the multi-colored mess above. Last night, as little balls rained down on my couch, ottoman, and carpet, Leslie said, “I think I’m going to be making up to you for a long time for this gift.”

Fortunately, Viv’s interest is starting to wane, so I’m slowly smuggling the bigger chunks out of the house. The smaller chunks will be here longer.