One of my biggest concerns is how Vivien would react to her new little brother. Would she be upset, jealous, happy? And how would I balance mommy time between the two of them?
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I have 3 boys and with each new little one, I did what you are doing. The older ones remember those first encounters, and so I just made a big deal about them being great big brothers and all the great things they can teach the baby. Thankfully that has helped them be very close and thoughtful to each other.
When there is some jealousy, I try to explain that older brothers get more privileges and younger ones get a little more attention. Talking them through their feelings goes a long way.
You’ll do just fine!
This is one of the best parts of parenting and one of the best parts of sibling life! Yes things will change a bit but plenty of room for everyone inside your circle of Mommy love!
My son loves being a big brother and is very gracious and thoughtful to his little sis. Frankly he is more patient with her than I am and is teaching me a lesson or two. Enjoy watching their very special relationship develop. He is the best gift you ever gave to V!
I remember that feeling, ohhh, boy, do I ever. It only happened with #1 and #2. Didn’t feel that “cheating” feeling when we went from 2 to 3, though. But I do remember, the shock of my then 1 1/2 yr old walking into the hospital room and his face like “who are you with???????” I did, I felt, like I had been caught in another lover’s bed. Soooo funny. Anyway, it’ll adjust, and by 10 wks time, you won’t even feel like whispering to #1 anymore “I loved you first.” haha. Enjoy.
i just had my second 4 months ago. so now i have a toddler girl and a baby boy. totally felt the cheating thing. i would even make sure he was in the bassinet when i heard her pitter-pattering to my room after her nap time, just so she didn’t catch me in bed with him. ay-ay-yay!!! now we’re beyond that, but i definitely get what you’re feeling like. i pick her up and read a book/play a game/do puzzles/draw/etc. as soon as he finished nursing. i also let her enjoy a tv show when i nurse. bathing & bedtime (her nap time and night) continues to be a bit of a challenge. the best ritual i’ve come up w/ is sometimes i roll the basinet over to the bathroom to keep him in the loop while i give her solo baths, or we all pile in for bubble-bath fun. the pre-sleep process involves a pit-stop to my bed, where i nurse him, with her next to us…. she picks a lullaby for me to sing with lights off. as soon as he doses off, we sneak out and head to her room for our ol’ faithful rocking chair-in-the-dark-lullaby-snuggle time. it’s working so far. keeping her included is the key to a good vibe. she wants to be part of it all, and i let her. i think the maternal instinct in little girls goes a long way to fostering sweetnees between them. don’t get me wrong, we have our moments, but i try not to reveal my inner turmoil over feeling pulled in two directions. thankfully i have two arms, which are coming in handy right now as i nurse him, and type this. i can play w/ her while i tend to him. also!! the baby bjorn/front carrier is a life saver. good luck! hope youre feeling ok. you look GREAT!!!
Eileen.
That is so sweet that you gave gifts from the baby! I never put too much effort into bridging the transition, I just kept my eyes peeled for any negative reactions. It did always seem like my youngest one would go through a mild regression and a “bring him back where you got him” stage. I think it’s more due to all the changes that are happening in the child’s environment, and less about the baby himself.
You can work the “big girl” and “Mommy’s helper” angle, let her grab diapers or wipes for you, or allow her to refuse to help, if that gives her some of her power back. You’ve had many months of planning and preparing what your role in Rex’s life will be, Vivien never conceived of it in a tangible way, so she has to figure out who she’s going to be in Rex’s life now.
She’ll eventually realize that life’s actually gotten a little more exciting, and nothing too terrible has changed. You’ll find her exploring Rex on her own, playing with those little fingers and exploring her own tendencies to mother. Don’t worry, just stand back in amazement as you watch siblings forming a life long bond. I couldn’t be more thrilled for all of you!
(Also, special time with Daddy serves everyone well…maybe they can cook special treats together!)
Daphne- you look beautiful! I am so happy I found your blog, you are the funniest, most talented moms I ever have had the pleasure of working with.
Congratulations on your new baby…don’t worrry you will figure it all out…I could not be happier for you.
xxxooo
Beth
so many great comments. Eileen, I hear you the bed time is the most hairy. if I don’t put Viv down EXACTLY like I always have dark clouds can form. otherwise, she is fine with him.
I will never,ever forget the feelings that washed over me when I saw my youngest child,Breagh,23 months old, as she came into the hospital for the first time after Kiera had been born. It was like something reached in and squeezed my heart…hard. It was overwhelming to say the least.
I was nearly in tears as I though “Oh! she’s only a baby herself! WHAT have I done?!” We were 36 years old having our third, and even though she was planned, and that I’d felt that I couldn’t wait any longer to have our third because of my age…. I sure had serious doubts; “was I replacing one baby with another?!” Interestingly,I didn’t feel this way about our son,Christian, who was 3 yrs 8 mos by this time. I’m guessing that one of the reasons was because he’d had us all to himself for 21 months before our middle child was born.
All has turned out well. But if I had it to do all over again,I’m not certain I’d make the same choices at all,at all,at all.
This is really sweet. Congrats Daphne.
You crack me up! And I had a flashback to all that c-section hospital stuff when I saw all your vlogs from the room there – particularly that squirt bottle thingie…!!!
Ugh I want at least two kiddos but that birthing stuff sure is a mess! Luckily we have our little sweethearts to make it more than worthwile in the long run!
Congrats again.
Z
I totally can relate. My girls are 16 months apart so I really felt like I was cheating on my baby. (my first baby) I think the first 6 months after my second daughter was born my biggest emotion was guilt. I felt guilty when I was spending time with my first daughter and guilty when I was spending time with my second daughter and on the rare occassion that I felt like I shared my time equally with both of them I felt guilty that I wasn’t spending any time with my husband. Now he’s just used to it and my younger daughter is almost 1 so both girls and I can start doing more things together. But I still feel guilty – I guess that’s the way it will be!
so funny to watch this video now. wow, I think I look bad now. but, I felt so happy!