March 13, 2009
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Would You Buy Your Son Condoms?
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Like all things in life… it depends. One thing is for sure, I was a good public service announcement against teenage pre-marital sex. Check out the belly!
I think it's very important to have an open and honest relationship with your son. And if you are talking to him about sex and he's honest with you about how he feels, then it's fine to buy him condoms, at least you know he'll be safe. Besides some teens don't use them simply because they are too embarrassed to buy them themselves.
Hey Daphne,
So first of all great topic. Why they are not available in his school is beyond me, but that is an entire other convo. Here's my 2 cents… Most importantly… YEA that the kids are talking to their parents! If he thinks he can handle doin the deed he needs to be able to buy what he needs (almost rhymes).
Scaring the kid with a big preggers tummy is an excellent tactic!
I was 14 when I lost my virginity. Young, stupid… and we used condoms, because my mother was absolutely insistent that I know about birth control and how to use it. I was on birth control at the time. I'd talked to my mom, told her that I was thinking about having sex, and she took me right to the doctor. She didn't get upset, she was very practical about it.
Of course birth control doesn't always work. I was on BC when I got pregnant with my son at 18, BUT I didn't get any diseases, and if I hadn't been on birth control, I likely would have gotten pregnant sooner.
I think, as far as cutoff age, it has to be when the kids are discussing it, not when we think they should be doing it. Because really, I'd be fine if my son didn't have sex until he was 30. But I know that's not realistic.
I have a very open and honest relationship with my son. He's 11, just hitting puberty, not even remotely ready for sex. But we're so honest with each other, that he knows he can come to me if he needs to.
Because really… I'd prefer to put off the becoming a grandma thing for as long as possible…
I totally think that an honest and open discussion about the implications of being sexually active is extremely important.
I also think that if a young man thinks he's old enough and mature enough to be having sex, than he is mature enough and man enough to walk into a store and buy his own condoms.
a friend of mine, a single mom, bought a bunch of condoms and from the time her oldest son was around 14, every time he walked out the door to hang with his friends, she'd ask him if he had a condom, in a matter of fact way like she was asking if she had his coat. of course, her younger son (11 at the time) and daughter (8 at the time) heard this and she continued on through them all. This went along with frank discussions about sex and relationships and all the possible outcomes therein.
This very pro-active way of handling it worked for them. Her oldest actually refrained from sex til he was 18! Not sure on the stats of the other two, but they're 19, 22 and 25 now and there have been no mishaps along the way. Possibly due to luck, possibly due to her methods, but I figure her directness definitely didn't hurt!
I'm just gonna raise my boys to be as nerdy as possible. That'll cover 'em until they're old enough to buy them in college. When they realize the rest of male society is ridiculously immature, and lacking fun hobbies like fencing and chess mastery, their confidence will zoom them into chick magnet status.
When I first started sleeping over at my boyfriend's house, we were both 17. We were really embarrassed at finding a box of condoms his mum had slipped under his pillow. We had, of course, provided our own, but it was good to know that she had some idea of what was going on and that she was taking care of her son.
I recently spoke to his (much older) sister about this, and she said that at the time, their mum had been really embarrassed and nervous, and had rung her a few times to talk about it, but that she ultimately decided that as she couldn't stop us having sex (and didn't feel it would be her right to anyway), she could at least make sure we were doing it safely.
She never actually spoke to him about it- it would have been too embarrassing for her and for Jay, just every now and then a box of Durex would appear on the end of his bed or under the pillow.
No boys in our house but as far as my girls go my thought is this – if you think you’re old enough to have sex then you are old enough to buy your own condoms. I’ll drive them to the store, give them the money but they need to be able to walk on up to the register and pay. I thinks it’s naïve to think if a teen doesn’t have a condom they won’t be having sex. I’m hoping that my open and honest relationship with our girls keeps the lines of communication open. Now the question is where are they going to be having all this sex at? Not my house!!! *lol* I think I need that six pack you spoke of.
My son is 16 and I buy him condoms. He does not claim to be having sex, and I don't claim to be that stupid. If he is….he has the means to protect himself. If he isn't….it's a small price to pay for those condoms. However, I was having sex at age 16 and my mother wouldn't provide birth control. My then boyfriend paid for the condoms…..but I'd rather my son have access than not. I felt it was none of my parents business and I feel that my son's sexual behavior is really none of mine. I don't condone but I'm not foolish enough to think I shouldn't help him protect himself either. He claims to not be using them….but I put them in his drawer and therefore he has them.
I don't think any step parent should step in and buy condoms for a child…they should leave that up to the actual parents to decide.
So yeah this is another good reason not to circumcise. I was reading an article the other day about how teenagers who are uncircumcised and try to have sex, actually experience a lot of pain and therefore inhibiting them from really enjoying it…It's not until they are a later age when (well you know what happens) and they no longer feel pain during sex. This helps some wait longer for the right person (hopefully for marriage). (I pray and pray that this is true…b/c sometimes kids just don't listen!)
Jennifer, did the article mention what age these teenagers are? Because by the age of about 16 most teenage boys are basically men, physically speaking… I can't believe it would actually make that much difference.
Also, it seems slightly warped and mean to me that one of your reasons for not circumcising is that you believe your son will experience pain the first time he has sex and will be left with an upsetting and possibly a bit traumatic memory of what is supposed to be a very special moment. But, hey, as long as he doesn't do it again until he's married, right? Hmm.
I would absolutely buy my son condoms I would buy my daughter condoms just as fast. If I ever have kids they are going to be sooo over informed about ex ed and human sexuality, I'm getting the banana and the condom out!
Absolutely! I provide my kids with whatever is needed to keep them safe and healthy…..and that includes masses of dialogue and information. And after that, a condom is just a tool.
Yes and No. I will have many open, honest and frank discussions about sex with my both of my children (boy and girl). I don't think it is a one time deal. It is a lifestyle where you incorporate education about life issues as you go along. And, most likely, we will sit our kids down for a longer, focused talk.
We will discuss abstinence and give reasons and solutions to abstain until marriage. Not threats. Not a bunch of horror stories. Facts and logical reasons so when our children are in a position to say yes or no, they will have something to back up their no.
I believe sex is a responsibility. You must be mature enough to be able to handle that responsibility. If my son or daughter do not have part-time jobs to pay for their own condoms, I will let them earn the money by doing volunteer work at a crisis pregnancy center or non-profit adoption agency. (I have been a crisis pregnancy volunteer for over 10 years so it's not like I'm just pulling this out of nowhere.)
And yes, either way, I will go in to the drugstore and help him select the best brand. But um, we'd have the discussion on why each is better before we get there.
where have a I been? love all these get in the trenches comments. Lot of brave moms.
My parnets bought me condoms at age 13