Honey, We Have to Move

So, here I talk about how to handle the move with the wee ones. It was VERY emotional at times before we moved. Hearing little Viv say she didn’t want to move was a knife in my heart. I I think from the comments I get from all of you and from my own experience, a reversal of fortune is harder because you have kids, but it’s what also makes you get through it. Also, my stepson is a no-drama kid. I say, “So, your room is going to be smaller; is that okay?”

“Sure, that’s fine.”

Later, “Um, there isn’t enough room in the house to hang all of our art work; would it be okay if next to the Simpson poster we hang these art photographs?”

“Sure, that’s fine.” Phew.

When I was single and childless, and I was unemployed for a while or had ive with my parents after college because I didn’t have a pot to piss in and student loans to boot, it wasn’t great but not that big of a deal. You know other friends who also don’t have much. You get a six pack together and watch TV. ┬áIn my 20s when I wanted to go to Europe, I put it on my credit card and then ate cereal for a few months at home alone till I made some payments on it. Nothing that kicks you in the gut. But when you feel like you are letting your kids down, when you aren’t giving them the life you had dreamed for them, that can send you to a dark place.

But if it wasn’t for my kids’ If it weren’t for my happy-go-lucky daughter, my even-tempered stepsons, my supportive step-daughte,r and a newborn boy who needs me totally, I could have easily gone off the rails. To be jolted like this without my wee ones, well, I’d probably be shooting heroin in my gums.

Happily, a fresh coat of pink paint and white shelves really made the difference for Vivien in the new house. I shelled out the money for that happily. She has not missed a beat and loves her “new, pink room.”

For anyone else who has had to guide their kids through a similar transition, I welcome hearing about how you did it.

15 thoughts on “Honey, We Have to Move

  1. Attitudes are contagious. I have not complained once about our plight, but have spoken about how fun it will be to live with gramma and gramp and how California has the best waterparks, and no more winters. This works with the little ones.

    With our oldest, the 14 yr old, I talk about how much of a man and leader this will make him, and how he will heads above the crowd with maturity b/c of all he’s leading his brothers through, as the oldest.

    Kids follow your cue. I smile, and tell how lucky we ae to have a place to go to. Sadly, sadly, some families have no where to go,no new house to buy.

    You are so fortunate that your house sold in California right now, and that you were able to find something so quickly that you could afford. You got some good karma goin’ on , Daphne.

    This is all good stuff. No foreclosure, not having to move in with in laws, both still employed…I see no problems, but definite opportunities to re-assess life and teach coping skills to children.

    Because life is life…

    Good luck, you are leading the bunch of us loyal readers out here, watching you handle this with grace, leadership, and optimism. My hero,

  2. P,S, Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to rent Gone With The Wind tonight and watch it..maybe not just once but a few times…

  3. Thanks for your honesty and for your positive attitude, your kids have a great example, as do we out here in fan land. Having moved about every 3 years when I was a kid (no I’m not an Army kid) I know it’s hard.
    It’s incredible how ones kids help you keep it together.

  4. P.P.S. One more thing, then I’ll quit lurking: who says you’ve let your kids down? Who says you’re not giving them the life you dreamed of for them? Having things does not equal happiness or feeling loved. There is a great DVD put out by the son of S.C. Johnson Wax called “Young and Rich”, and it’s a documentary about the young and really rich: Vanderbilt, Halston, Trump, Johnson and Johnson, etc. The Uberrich. Anyway,despite owing Grand Central Station and the like, they are an unhappy, medicated bunch. See it for yourself. Have a wonderful day.

    Write your blessings in stone, and your sorrows in sand.
    See ya, honey, this is a temporary mindset you’re in. This, too, shall pass. Now, go for a walk with that yummy baby of yours.

  5. When we moved, albiet under different circumstances, we just kind of weened our kiddo into the new house. We went over often, and made her room very special and got very excited when we talked about the “new house.” I think you are definatly on the right track here. Keep it up.

  6. I will just say this…my parents owned a car dealership when I was younger and sold it just before I graduated from college and now they are doing other things. It allowed us to have a lot of nice things growing up. Once, a few years ago when we were talking about that, my Mom said something to me about not having a pot to piss in when I was little (pre-dealership). I questioned her and she laughed and said that we didn’t do anything and going out to dinner was a big treat and how she wore crappy clothes so I could wear cute ones. I stopped to think and said “Hell, it didn’t matter one bit!” I had NO clue that we were ‘poor’ and that I didn’t have anything fancy. I had 2 loving parents who were both involved in my life and I never missed a thing.

    I am sure you are doing the right thing by your family and your kids will love you even more for it.

  7. P.S.
    And by no means am I implying that you are poor. LOL Just saying kids are resilient and as long as they have you 2, they’re golden.

  8. On the bus today, I encountered a gentleman I will never forget……3/4 of his body burned beyond recognition, left arm badly injured….bus driver asks how hes doing. He takes a breath, looks the driver in the face and says “I am blessed!” without a hint of irony or sarcasm. Any one of us who thinks we have problems should take them to this guy and have them put into perspective.

  9. Gina, agree a hundred percent. The list is LONG of people who have it worse off. For sure.
    Thanks for my video to do list Alexandra, you sound like you are great with your kids.

    I think in the first weeks of the news I was in a fog and when a friend said, “kids don’t care about a big house, they care that their parents love them.’ I almost had to write it down, like, uh, okay, love, yeah, I can do that.

  10. Maybe you or the handsome hubby (:P) could play hide-and-seek with Viv in the new house? It would help her see that the new house is fun too, as well as help her get used to the new layout etc.
    I used to move house every 2 years because my dad was in the army, and me and my little sis used to play hide-and-seek… Ah it was fun :)

  11. Kids are way more resilient than we give them credit for. Viv is still so little, she’ll move on pretty quickly. Adults are much more stuck on that type of thing. As a military spouse, moving houses (cities, states, countries…) just comes with the lifestyle. My little boy continually amazes me with his adaptability. He is better at it than I am!! Good luck with the move!

  12. I have been so behind with catching up and this morning I finally got to your blog in my google reader and read all the posts from the last couple weeks.

    I am not a HUGE commenter here, but I wanted to take a minute to say that I respect you and the fact that you are being real with all that you are tackling here.

    I believe that as women, we do what we have to do to take care of our families and I admire the fact that you are not only doing that (as if that wasn’t enough) but you are sharing the struggles with your readers which will no doubt inspire and remind them what life is really all about.

    As someone who has risen from the ashes when I lost everything except my son … I am glad to be a reader. There is a teeny part of me who wishes that I lived next door so that we could sit and chit chat about the exciting things that I KNOW are around the corner for you.

    Kristy

  13. Pingback: Cool Mom - Daphne Brogdon - Honey, We Have to Move Cool Mom … | Newborn

  14. I’ laughing sooo hard at this. Thanks for your PS that it wasn’t your child I sesliuory thought it may have been!!I know ALL TOO MUCH about interviewing sitters who are amazing during the process and you think they’ll be sooo dreamy and all they are is well A FULL TIME TEXTER!! Then, the other ones who you totally think are too shy, or a dud , wind up being your, and your child’s/children’s, favs. It gets easier! Now, I’m just happy to FIND someone who is WILLING to watch 4 kids! They wind up interviewing ME![]

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