Genderless Babies

Babies are babies. My daughter didn’t gravitate to pink till she was in pre-school. And while my son has a masculine cast to his face, he looks a lot like Vivien did at his age. Now, since he is an easier baby than Vivien, does that mean years from now she will be yelling she has to have a new dress for school while he quietly watches sports and belches on the couch? I’ll have to wait and see.

But for now people say things like, “Oh, a son, boys LOVE their moms.” My daughter loves me, thank you very much. Or the gal who said to me, “Wait till you have your boy.  I’m so in love with my son.” (She had two daughters.) What is this, Sophie’s choice?

17 thoughts on “Genderless Babies

  1. I’ve been puzzled by these same comments! I have a 6-year-old daughter and an 11-month-old son. I’ve had, “Oh, boys are so much more cuddly!” “Boys just love their moms.” “Oh, you’ll see how different a baby boy is from a baby girl.” blah, blah, blah.

    I really try to raise “genderless,” and so far it seems to have freed my daughter to choose her interests based on, well, HER interests, not what her gender dictates. We shop in both “girl” and “boy” racks of clothes (the “boy” clothes are remarkably more comfortable and practical for playing outside) and the “girl” and “boy” (she has yet to choose a “girl” toy and instead vears towards the pokemon and lego sections) isles of toys.

    We’ll see what my son ends up preferring, but I can tell you right now that if it’s puffy dresses and My Little Ponies, we’re all good with that too. His choice.

  2. I think the gender roles on children depend on how the parents are. When my niece is with her mother, she acts more like a boy. Rough, mean, hair is unruly, clothes look sloppy, because my sister doesn’t care about any thing. When A is with me, she wears dresses and acts girly, etc. I don’t stop her from playing with trucks or anything like that, but I do want her dressing cute and having her hair done properly.

  3. I know. We have 3 sons, and I have often times been hurt by people’s comments, said right in front of our children.

    There was a cashier, who actually said, in front of my 3 boys: “Oh..how sad, no girls.” To which my wonderful 4 yr old son asked her, “Is it bad to have boys?” She was speechless, and didn’t know what to say.

    Your children are your children, and you love them, and they love you. Boys or girls.

  4. i think both boys and girls go through periods of likely what society would determine as either a boy thing or a girl thing. Up to about age 4 my sons favorite color was pink and he always told me he wished he was a girl so he could where all the pink clothes that his younger sister wore. Now at age 5 he loves the color green and is soundly into the “boy” things that others would agree are “boy” things. This does not mean that he doesn’t enjoy playing house with his sister. He loves to do that and sometimes he wants to be the mommy and he makes his sister be the daddy. Hey, whatever keeps the peace in my house, I am all for it!
    Now, my daughter is 3 and while she loves all things girly, she is really into sports clothing. Her favorite things to where are Steelers shirts and shorts. I keep telling my husband that she will be his sports buddy and not our son. He is all for it.
    I think you just have to let kids do what they want to do and not push your preconceived beliefs on them. How else are they going to grow up feeling confident in who they are inside.

  5. boy I just reread my comment and I should have proofed it before I posted it. I am sorry for the errors. It is hard to type when you have two children bugging you for basic things like food, water, shelter, etc. How dare they?! Again sorry :)

  6. I think I will have to take issue with what In Due Time characterized as “acting more like a boy” Being rough, mean and sloppy is not only a boy characteristic. . My niece is on occasion, very rude, sloppy, whiny, acts out, and treats others with disrespect., she also loves pink frilly dresses and ballet. I do agree with the statement that a child behavior reflects how the parents are, but to assign behaviors, negative vs. positive on the basis of gender is missing the mark.

  7. I knew I was having a boy after my ultrasound, and everyone kept saying, “Oh, I knew it was a boy because A, B and C”, and that was super annoying. I figured I’d be done dealing with gender until the first time he wanted to play Barbies in first grade and got made fun of. But, I still hear all kinds of things like, “Boys like their moms more”, “boys have bigger appetites”, “boys like to play with these kinds of toys”, etc. I’ve found nothing to be really definitively true about my son. Kids are kids. Simple as that. It is adults that make gender an issue at all ever!

  8. Kathleen, I think she meant in terms of what society casts as such. Everyone seems to be trying to be really opened minded moms which is great. Remember “free to be” and “William wants a doll?” I think of that a lot. That song always made me cry when it ends “cause some day he is going to be a father too.”

  9. thanks, I don’t get the cape thing. seems like the kid would be gasping for breath. and even if I wanted to use it, bet I would leave it at home by accident like everything else.

  10. It’s so annoyingly retro when people make the boy/girl comments. I remember my uncle going on about my two day infant sons ‘iron grip’.

    I loved ‘william wants a doll!”

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