June 9, 2009
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Momversation: Are You a Stressed Working Mom?
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Well, it's not exactly are you stressed out. I think our guest Lisa Belkin from the NY Times sums it up well when she speaks of compromise. Of course I think I'm witty, but that's just me!
Sidebar: do you think dads are ever asked how they balance it all?
Oh, that didn't sound nice Mighty Girl, "More intellectual stimulation" than just being home.
I really like your stuff, but that one hurt. I stay home, and I love it. Raising our 3 boys is intellectually stimulating for me. I am not an idiot. I have a M.S. in Speech Pathology and Bilingual Education, but I decided to stay home. I love watching language develop.
Kinda sounds like you think you have loftier needs than us nimble heads who decide to stay home till our little ones are in school.
A: yeah, that comment struck me to as 'ouch' but i'm hopeful that she'll respond via her blog that it was an editing 'issue' - she generally seems much more thoughtful about the diversity of motherhood and the choices we make for ourselves and our families.
D: just want you to know, watching your vlogs is the *best* way to start my morning….so just to put that in context…you're better than coffee!
I loved Lisa's comparison of work-life balance being a yoga pose that *everyone* else can do, but i can't and so i fall down. I frequently feel that way and am always surprised when other moms compliment me on being so 'together'.
First - in defense of MG - I think she was saying that for her, staying home ft w/o the blog and her other work, would not be enough stimulation - for her … we all need different things and what fulfills me might not fulfill you and v-v. I don't think she meant any offense or judgment. JMHO
Second - I work almost ft and can't imagine how I'd cope being a ft SAHM … my hat is off to y'all that do it, truly!! I was able to work pt from home until my son was 3 and that was just about perfect … for the last two years I've been more 3/4 time in the office but at least I have a very flexible job and can take time off/leave early/etc., as I wish. For us it is partly choice - I spent a lot of time earning two degrees that are fairly specific that I want/need to feel like I'm using AND we need for me to work at least some so that we can give our son the life we want for him both now and in the future. So that's me … what works for me and mine … but everyone is different and I think most working moms get that and respect everyone's right to chose what is best for their own families. How I balance it is a daily thing … some days well and others notsomuch. I have a very helpful husband and we are organized and stick to a routine … we also don't take on a ton of "extras"! No major home do it yourself projects (we hire those done), our son is only in one or two activities a season, we limit our social engagements and prefer to spend weeknights and weekends together, etc.
I think you are right Lou, one woman might say, "god, how can you leave your kids?" and make a working mom feel bad, or the " I need intellectual stimulation" hit some stay at homes as a swipe. I don't think it is. Just what she feels for herself.
now, I'll watch it, cause I haven't yet.
okay, I watched it. although on my computer it's tiring since it's stops every 15 seconds it's difficult to enjoy. ( and btw I'm always noting how much of me was used, how it was half way thru before I appeared, stuff like that)
I get MG saying she can't play trucks for 5 hours. I thought she was saying she isn't very patient. I would walk on hot coals for my kids, but when Viv is watching her cartoons I keep the LA or NY times nearby cause I will get bored. Or when you are home with a new baby, dude, that can be boring. Let's not kid ourselves. Sometime you want to change it up. You don't have to be getting a paycheck in order to do so. Reading, seeing adult friends, etc.
This resonates with me right now… I struggling to find ways to stay home… hey! maybe my blog will hit the big time and I can make enough to stay home with the little one!
I'm just a little surprised that MG thinks we just play with trucks all day. I'd lose my mind too if that was the case! This SAHM is rarely home.
In regards to MG, I think there are a lot of SAHM's that would want to bang their head against the wall if they had to work in a cubicle all day. Intellectual stimulation can come in different forms, it doesn't have to be just in work form. Also I know you were exaggerating but I don't know any SAHM mom that can play trucks for five hours or has the time to do so.
this was hard to watch. at first i was motivated by all these working moms….and then heard the comment that not one was doing 'real work' (whatever that is)…and you couldn't possibly understand how a woman would drive the kids to daycare, drive to work, work all day, drive home, make dinner and housework and all of it.
wow. that's when it went downhill for me.
there are millions of women just like that. who have to do it…and those who don't have to, but want to.
on top of that, there are millions of women who do that, every single day…and are doing it alone. sans husband. they are the breadwinners. they are all of it.
maybe it's time to give those woman a chance to talk too?
Paula, well the truth is if you are on a long work grind, with a long commute you probably don't have time to blog. I don't know about other mom bloggers, but how I started in this biz was for two reason, 1) I felt alone when I was a new mom and wanted to connect 2) I had done stand up for years but no longer wanted to leave my daughter. But I still wanted creative expression on and 3) I thought most things for mom online were kind of candy ass. which leads me to the point for others that
STOP TAKING MAGGIE'S COMMENT ABOUT PLAYING WITH TRUCKS SO LITERALLY. No kid could do any one activity for ten minutes let alone 5 hours.
you know if people need to work they do. I am sure when my grandmother was widowed with a 12 year old she didn't contemplate a work life balance, she just dealt with it.
LOL @ Daphne … you said what I was thinking re: MG truck comment. She wasn't being literal.
Why must we always go to the SAHM vs Working Mom (outside the home, at home, whatever … and I know being a SAHM is work - hard work)? Why must we 'go there'? When it all comes down to it - aren't we all just trying to do what we think is best for our own families? The topic was how do you balance 'it'? Not which is better!
I think Paula definitely has a couple of very valid points - working from home is still an unusual situation for most working moms, or it won't pay the bills or it is an option only on paper and not in reality.
Daphne you're absolutely right - most working moms and working single moms do not have time to blog, so we're severely under represented in the blogosphere and online.
Thank you Daphne (so much!) for pointing out in the video that there are huge differences in the demands in different work environments for moms and that experience is the best position to comment from.
I was the one who posted the comment about playing with trucks all day and, yes, I got it, I know she didn't mean it literally, My point was that there is more to thought that goes into mothering than just "playing". I'm not bashing working moms, my mom was one at one time as well, but it goes both ways when someone belittles MY job and insists that it's continuous "play". I grasp the concept that there are moms who need "more stimulation", but I found the way she communicated her "need" somewhat insulting. Just my opinion.
Hey daphne, my computer does the same thing, so what i do is when it's loading—i hit the pause button and let it all load while I do other stuff…then I can watch the whole thing instead of dealing w/ it stopping all the time. Hope this helps. =) Now gotta go my son is writing all over himself with a pen…
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