I knew Madoff would be sentenced on Monday. I didn’t expect to pay much attention since whether he got 25 or 150 years it would make NO difference to my family. We were all trying to wake up after a typical night of sleep with a 4 month old when we clicked on the news as they were announcing that he would be in prison for the rest of his life.
I actually cried just a little.
It was a cry of the weariness I feel because of our theft. Of trying to muddle through and be okay. Of mourning what we lost. And for all the people who have lost more than we have… or rather have less of a fall back than we do.
That was that and then I needed to get Vivien her breakfast and shower. But…
I kept getting calls from the press. I have become a poster child for VOB (victims of Bernie). So, one local crew came to my house. I hesitated, but I granted an interview for the same reason I blog about it.. to put a human face on this fraud . And as always to let other people caught in the downturn to know there are so many of us who are in this mess.
Before they got here my stomach was bugging me. I think I was having a low level anxiety attack akin to the kind I felt when we first heard we were robbed.
Had a short panic of …”what do I wear to be interviewed as a crime victim?” In the end I kept on what I was wearing, but picked a bra with more support. This is the outfit, minus my imaginary Madoff/Chase
The reporter and cameraman were very nice. I actually choked up a couple times talking about my kids, but they didn’t use that. which I thought was very decent of them. And it was pretty on the money. I was worried they would change things up and I would regret speaking to them. some things that didn’t make it in the final cut… the reporter asked,
“How do you feel about Bernie Madoff?”
Me. ” It’s not allowed on broadcast TV what I think of him. He is a sociopath, a serial killer.”
I really do feel good most days. I don’t think of my old house everyday or Madoff or Stanley Chase (the feeder fund we were in). I think I’m a pretty happy person. But, when something like this comes up…as it also did last Monday when the SEC brought suit against Chase…it throws me back. I regress emotionally to a few months back and I don’t like that. Monday I was not as productive or happy go lucky. I don’t like giving these thieves another chance to make me feel bad. I hope there is a day when I can’t be pulled under, even for a day.
I think one thing that helps me is on a day I don’t have to go to work it helps to exercise. Most of the time that’s a walk with Rex, or Stroller Striders. Since Vivien is off from school now that is tougher. So I get house bound mom, feeling tubby and VOB all rolled into one!
Must try to get the endorphins up this morning.