It would be easier for me to confide in my inner circle and not open myself up to jabs about being like a character from “american beauty” ( that was Rebecca, not you), but you get the point.

Eileen, Laura, Caroline thanks for the support. I’m humbled..boy, have I been humbled!

Plus, NOTHING I said was as offensive as what YOU posted above about Andrea and me.

Imagine tomorrow you go to the bank only to find that 50% of your money has been wiped out, gone, disappeared, and you will not get it back. Now imagine selling your $200,000 condo, because of it ,for a $100,000 home that is half the size. That would suck wouldn’t it? This little exercise is called walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. Try it on for size.

I’m glad you posted that vlog…it made me realize how important it is to speak up and say something supportive to someone who’s going through a rough time no matter how awkward you might feel or how inadequate you think your words are going to be. There’s never anything inadequate about kindness. Keep on keepin’ on Daphne….you’re a good lady!

Anyway, would you be at all interested/comforted by venting and sharing your experiences on a blog for “laid off spouses”? I started it when my hubby was laid off and it really did make me feel better. You can email me at heatheramayfield@hotmail.com for a link to the site or to chat.

Dear Andrea & Marisa,
You suck.
Daphne was NOT talking about you… what you have or don’t. Your narcissism is glaring.
She was opening up, showing a vulnerability and you kicked her while she was down. Why ever would you think to do that? The things you said were mean spirited. Get it? The fact that you didn’t recognize the need to apologize is even more shameful. For goodness sake. You should know better.
Let this be a lesson for you both to look OUTWARD instead of INWARD. This is not a contest for who has it worse. Seriously. You can do better next time. And if not, then leave your crabby ass comments off her blog.

MomE.

Alexandra, that’s what I was trying to express. It that’s thing that people are afraid they are going to catch. People who do reach out are special people. I need to be more like them!

My husband was laid off 8 months ago, still no job prospects in sight.

What would be nice to hear in my neighborhood right now, rather than the looks and whisperings, is to have someone come right out and say, “Sorry to hear what’s happening to you. Can I treat you to a glass of wine” or “Why don’t you come over, and we’ll sit over coffee and muffins, and relax for awhile?”

Now, wouldn’t that be the nicer thing to do, rather than whisper, and nod in our house’s direction???

We probably should have moved out of our house when the suckage began, a year and a half ago, but we didn’t. And now we’re behind on mortgage payments and watching our credit score trickle down to the price of a bucket of chicken.

All that to say that I really appreciate your writing and your humor about both the great and crappy experiences in life. I hope things start looking up – for both of us.

PS Your husband was awesome on Top Chef Masters!

I have been reading and watching your blog for a while and have never commented. Every time I hear about Madoff, I think of you and how you were robbed. I have also always assumed that you and your husband worked very hard for your money. I really don’t know why I assumed that, perhaps it’s just the way you come across in your vlogs. You seem very practical and down to earth. I just wanted to say that I am sorry this happened to you. I am sorry that two people can work so hard for every thing they have and then it can be just taken from them. Just know that there are a lot of readers out there who “get it” and I hope you don’t stop posting about it because of the few who don’t,

I was also thinking about the earlier “at least you have all your limbs” line. My father law was born without one of his arms, but he was not someone to be pitied. He led a full life. I do think how we all deal with slings and blows of life is attitude and hopefully a good support system!

I’m sorry your little girl has to go through any discomfort and I can imagine how you must have felt when the other mother told you her story. In the end you can only lead your own life, and yes, be nice!

Shannon, thanks for coming to coolmom. I would say there is art in the third world, but maybe cause I was just at the folk art museum in sante fe. I think I know what you mean though. when you are in survival mode you can’t paint a masterpiece. right? ( let alone no access to art dealers)
I think I still need more time in the tragedy+time = comedy formula.

I found you thru momversation.com, and have been following you for a while.

Funny, I am working away from home, and I saw you on tv, and thought…”I KNOW HER.”

Ah, the faux sense of familiarity can be confusing to even me, and I work in a “front of camera” field.

Anyway, hurting people cannot have empathy. It’s the same reason why very little art comes from third world countries. I cannot imagine how hard it has been for you (esp with a little one coming and now here), but I am proud to see you surviving and thriving.

Stress is the non-acceptance of what IS. You know this, which is why you still have a sense of humor.

namaste~

I was saying to my husband last night “bernie madoff ruined his life, he didn’t ruin MY life.” But, yes, I would rather this theft had not happened. I started the IRA that was stolen when I was making $3.45 an hour working at a mall. I was a financial aid student. I do not come from money. When my husband started working in the kitchen he made about $2 an hour. He not only doesn’t come from money he has supported his mother for years. I was happy that we had finally bought a home and our future looked steady.
I didn’t write about this loss on coolmom for months because it was too painful.

And Andrea, good for you that you have a condo. Your assumption about the value of my present home is off since I don’t own it. We rent.
I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I was addressing how deal when someone else goes through a misfortune. Am I testy around some of this? yes, I am . And It was very embarrassing to have put a for sale sign in front of my house and I was touched at the nice things people said to me. Just last night someone I barely know made a remark about how we lost our money to Madoff. My husband says it’s “a thick callous” for him. Some days it is for me, other times it’s stings to be a victim of crime so publicly. I’m sorry it doesn’t measure up to somes level of misfortune. It’s what it is.

okay, this was my attempt to do a twist on the vlog I did post miscarriage “what NOT to say” about hurtful things people said to me after that. This is what TO say because I found it was hard when people didn’t say anything after we found out we had been robbed and had to sell our house.

Frankly, this vlog was not as succesful as the one I patterning it after. I think I tried to cram too much in. But, the take away for me to remember is: if some ones misfortune is uncomfortable to you, imagine how it is for them.

Not that I’m always succesful at this.. work in progress.

Why is it so hard to approach people who have an illness, death, whatever? I think we are afraid we will catch it.

I believe what the point was of some of the people commenting is that we can’t really relate to her “down and out-ness” since most of us live in very modest homes and are just praying that our husbands can keep their jobs.

Perhaps it would have been better to use another example from her life experiences?

I agree with Jamie as well. We do possess a much better educated level to turn this into “who has it worse off” match.