Momversation: Is Gunplay Bad?
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Okay, hmm… I think this is an interesting Momversation. But in the editing room it became more about guns specifically than I had intended it to be. I think Rebecca and Alice all have great commentary in this.
My larger point was more about reinforcing my daughters "tomboy" (for lack of a better word) or fiesty side. Much the same way that I didn't shut her down when over dinner she told her dad to "x-it, that means be quiet" when she was telling a story. I think girls become woman who silence themselves and defer. Why do you think there are so few woman in talk radio?
And with this super hero/fantasy play, I think kids are trying on different hats, and I am not going to declaw her when she will need them out in the world.
And to squash these impulses is against this little thing called human nature.
daphne,
irt the silencing of females, you should read Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher. I recommend it to everyone with a daughter, and to my women friends struggling to find their voice.
I read it in college and it really spoke to me about how girls lose their voices when they hit adolescence and then (some of them) find it again when they're 40ish. I think reading this book can help us help our daughters to not lose it in the first place. I know it's helped some of my women friends to refind their voices much earlier than they would have otherwise (if at all).
I personally wouldn't go out and buy my children guns but I agree with the feeling of wanting one's daughter to be able to stand up for herself and be strong. I don't try to tone down my three-year-old's feistiness too much.
I also don't think that when kids say that they are going to 'kill' you they really know what they're saying. My daughter has seen me swatting a fly telling it (yes, telling the fly) that I was going to kill it. I guess she thought it was funny because a few days later she started swatting me with her towel and saying that she was going to kill me… oh boy.
Fa– and you kept landing on the food right? hah, I'm so funny.
Wendy, I have heard of the book, but it didn't stay in my head. Thanks for bringing it up. think it's a BIG issue.
The only problem I have with guns, having grown up with them EVERYWHERE, is how they become a part of peoples identity and ego. It becomes a powerplay and almost like a "Im better than you because I have all the power" type of mindset with the gun toter……none of this was said out loud, but looking back on it growing up, there was definitely a Clint Eastwood undercurrent.
Having said that, Im not quite sure where that fits with the female empowerment issue. If they're not around growing up and a part of child play, I dont see the downside as long as its not about "I have the gun, therefore I am superior and better than you"
Sad topic, and I think that any answer would depend on where you live, and what your home life was like.
Great topic. I think it also really depends on the gender of your child. i have a boy. A sensitive, loving, takes-care-of-his-friends boy. A boy who LOVES super hero play and blasting bad guys. I do try to discourage the word "kill" and "die" because they seem a bit extreme (although I don't really think a 5 year old has a true concept of what he's saying). After resisitng water guns, toy swords, etc., I've given in. He made "shooters" out of Legos, his finger, a straw, a spoon, my hairdryer, a rolled up piece of paper, you name it. Now,we have light sabers, pirate swords, blaster rays, nerf shooters, etc. I have noticed that he doesn't call them "guns". As if there is some distinction among his plastic toys and GUNS. I dunno. Like Daphne said, I don't think it's going to make him a gang banger.
yeah, and frankly the way the piece was edited with the montage of kids with guns really amplified this way over the top for my tastes. I was not just talking about toy guns, but that's what is became.
I think of all the stories of girls who are molested, attacked. Would if instead of raising people pleasing gals we raised them to have self defense skills, take no guff, etc.
What ever happened to coyboys and indians like our grandparents used to play? They didnt become violent adults. I think that there is a line of what is appropriate and not. I would not let my children point a toy gun at anyone and say Im going to shoot you dead but on the other hand if its a Nerf toy gun and the kids are just running around happy trying to tag each other with bullets I dont see a problem.
You know…how many kids used to play cowboys and indians or cops and robbers and are doing just fine now-a-day?
Now i can really understand if you have a gun in your home and you want to really teach your child at a gun is not a toy—
As far as girls being feisty…LET 'EM. As long as they know the line between being heard and being disrespectful to their parents. Don't ever make a girl feel self-conscious about anything she does. Everything is a suggestion nowaday on how girls should act. But the truth is, I think that we shouldn't limit girls and make them feel so self-conscious about everything they do! Power to the chicas! =)
I agree! We can't squash human nature, and it's been shown time and time again that little boys (or girls) will make play guns out of anything they can find– sticks, straws, pipes, etc. It really is in their nature, and I think we should nourish that in a safe environment instead of punishing them for something that is engraved in their DNA.
-Sylvia
yes, yes. thanks all. Power to the chicas, I like that.