What’s With 4 o’ clock?

I really love spending the morning with my son. It’s easiest if Vivien is in school, but even if there is a day off, and I have both of them and no other adult around, I’m fine. I’m like, come on, look at these cuties! I love being with them!

UNTIL 4pm.

Sometimes I can feel that feeling coming on about 3:30. The voice inside of me that says, “Can someone else hold this kid for a minute?” I rarely have my spouse here at that time so that is why I use most of my nanny dollars for later afternoon early evening. And the strange thing is if I am alone with the kids at that time and strange thing happens, around 6:30/7p.m.

EVERYTHING IS OK.

Of course it was hell when Vivien was colicky at that time. But they can be just as they have been earlier in the day, but I feel antsy, more anxious, and feeling of, “Why didn’t I make plans?” comes over me. Why didn’t we go over to my mom’s? Why didn’t I invite a friend for dinner? Why didn’t I post a neon sign on my front door asking for people to talk to me?

I’m lucky. In a pinch I can pack them up and go to their daddy’s restaurant. Not as easy with two, but I’ve done it, and it’s a life saver. I beckon a waiter, “Please talk to me.”

As much as I would love a big house, I can’t leave the urban density. Think I would feel more lonely.

Well, I guess I could live anywhere… till 4pm.

Runaway Mom

Now, I don’t mean like that lady who did the old “oh, some black men have kidnapped me” bag o’ crap that nobody should have fallen for since that lady drove her kids in the lake using practically the same story. I mean come on lady, at least give credit to the balloon dad for originality. I’m thinking of a more lighthearted runaway situation. Like a half day at a spa. Or at least two hours reading a book at Coffee bean and tea leaf.

I’m sure I’m not the only one that has moments when you want to walk out the door unencumbered. My mom had a friend who did it for real. Left the 5 kids and the husband. Kind of ’70s thing I think. Course if I had 5 kids and no support I might bolt too.

I just want mini runaways. Because after a few hours I would miss my family. But, jeez, sometimes I’d like the chance to miss them.

Obama and the Princess

I had planned to lace into President Obama this morning. As I waited for Vivien to fall asleep in her pop-up castle my mother gave her for her birthday, I composed the blog in my head. I would start out saying, “Look, you all know I was a Hillary supporter during the primary, but when that went south I threw my support (like I’m Al Gore and being sought for my backing) to Obama.”  I never thought he was the transformative figure others saw. I’m old enough to have been jumping up and down for Bill Clinton and though I love me some Bill, his flaws are well documented. So, I feel like I had been through this before.

I really liked Obama’s personal biography. Single mom, abandoned by dad, involved grandparents who sent him to the best high school while living in an apartment. And throw in first president of color and I’m in. Not to mention, I cried in 2000 and 2004 with Bush/Cheney. I was going door to door in Florida for Kerry, so unlike the “Yes I can” people, I didn’t need a cult of personality to know that Bush was not smart enough to be president and that Bush/Cheney are the kind of military industrial complex hacks that Eisenhower warned us about. And one of the big shovels Obama used to bury Hillary was his opposition to the Iraq war (which I never supported) and her vote to authorize forces. I used to argue, “But he was in the Illnois Senate at the time. He might have voted differently had he been in DC at the time.” No, the Obama mamas and others were so forceful at Vivien’s ballet class, I started talking about the weather.

So, now President Change is authorizing 30 thousand troops to Afghanistan. A war we have lost lives and spent billions on for 9 years. In a place that has no victory. I spoke yesterday to a former Marine officer who works in my building. He had tours of duty in Afghanistan and Iraq. I always say, “Thank you for your service, and I’m sure I’m talking out  of my ass, but here is what I think; I really want to know what you think.” In short, he said unless we bomb the place to smithereens there is no victory in Afghanistan. They have home field advantage. They shoot from high up the mountains. And the “bad guys” mingle with the civilians so the enemy is not always clear (Vietnam anyone?). And they move into different countries when the heat is on and come back when they can. And in Iraq they are told not to shoot at mosques, but the insurgents (during Faloujah) went into the mosques and shot at them. And then there was the story of during a siege when they ran out of ammo.

Me: “You must have been so terrified.”

“Anyone who says they weren’t are lying,” the vet said. Finally they airlifted ammo and ordered air strikes on the mosque where they were being shot from.

We know the soldiers will do what is asked of them. We knew Bush wasn’t a student of history. But Obama seemed to be. So, we are still in Iraq, escalating Afghanistan, and the GOP is using this as an excuse to not fund health care, which is something that we all need. Americans do die, become sick, and go bankrupt because they aren’t covered. I support the war tax because I think unless there is a draft the cost of war will not come home to Americans and thus no political pressure will be applied.

So, except that Sarah Palin doesn’t get to fly in Air Force 2, what’s been the advantage to electing Obama over McCain, in regards to foreign policy?

Anyway, look, that’s the rant I had planned. I don’t want anymore of our soliders to die, and I don’t want to leave my children with a debt for a folly. But instead, my friend called early this morning and said she had $100 tickets for free to a special screening of The Princess and the Frog. The princesses would be there. Would Vivien want to go?  Would she! So, I’m scrambling to get showered and people fed and out the door.  But later I’m really going to speak my mind.