18 thoughts on “Momversation: Advocating for Your Child

  1. No..not the cranky one,the funny one. Think what a “Serious” subject this would’ve been without you. You already know you’re comic relief, Daphne.

    Advocating=mothering.
    Same thing.

  2. There is a time and place to be an advocate for your child, when you are facing one you will know and react. No question, called good parenting.

    My example would be when my son (grade 5) HATED going to school.. got to the bottom of it and switched schools at years end, WONDERFUL move for all my kids. School I got them into was a great one which they all loved, as did I. Advocated for them I suppose but was just looking out for their best interest.

    Advocating = aware parenting if you ask me. Of COURSE we want to do what is best for our children and DO it..

  3. I agree with you, too. My first reaction, when I heard Jessica’s question, was that the whole discussion was a little hippy dippy, PC one that had no real meaning. Sure, there are good parents and bad parents – and I guess those ‘bad parents’ may not ‘advocate’ for their children as they should. But, what DID the question even mean? I have to admit, that Jessica annoys me a bit, anyway, with some of her topics of her blog (PC and overanalytical of some things). So – maybe I took it too seriously.

    I do also have to admit that my reaction may be attributed to the fact that I haven’t HAD to advocate for my child yet, really. My son is in Kindergarten. We live in a small town where I know the teachers, have relatives who work in the school, and my son is functioning normally (curriculum and behaviorwise) in his class. SO, I haven’t had any issues where I felt that he wasn’t being treated as he should. I would probably consider the advocate role differently if I had to go to bat for him in a situation where I didn’t feel school officials (or others) were treating him fairly or when he needed more help than was being offered.

    You are funny — I love you on the momversation videos.

  4. I’ve never known you to wash your hair before a big MOMVERSATION on-line video shoot, one of the things I’ve always loved about you. Also, your bathroom cabinet filled with tampons…ahead of your time.

    Unfortunately, at the library we are not allowed sound unless we bring our own headphones. Too lazy, I guess.

    Without closed-captioning, I couldn’t watch past Asha in good conscience. Plus, turned off by the blurry.

  5. “Advocating = aware parenting if you ask me. Of COURSE we want to do what is best for our children and DO it.”
    WELL SAID, AMY.

    I advocated just this week actually. We were preschool “hunting” and toured 3 of them. One of them felt like they were a “preschool factory” and over-the-top Jesus freak-ish (sorry, I’m Christian but not the “cult” kind), another one wasn’t the right fit and didn’t “feel” right, and the third one was a breath of fresh air…all we were looking for and a great fit for my daughter.

    So, there, I advocated! :)

  6. To me advocating for something is doing something that requires extra effort( life fighting a grand-fathered situation) and extra time with no guarantee of success. Not all good parents would do that. Finding a good school is not advocating.

    I have an idea for a new momversation video.I don’t have children, but while speaking with a mother of a child I found out that it’s pretty regular to spend $50 for a kid’s birthday party in pre-school( and not necessary for close friends). I was in shock. I certainly do not live in a poor area, but gifts totaling many hundreds of dollars for a child seems a little too much to me as I don’t think the kid’s happiness is really proportional with the total amount.

  7. A, are you talking throwing a pre-school party or what your friend is shelling out for b-day party gifts for a pre-schooler?

    If we are talking about gifting for parties… For me it is all about who it is for. If it is my nephew/niece who has everything under the sun my kids will gift them with something unique (and rather cheap!) If it is for the niece or nephew that does not have a lot we give a bit of cash ($30?) for them to spend how they like..

    My kids are 17 (son), and twin girls 12. For a time there I was giving about $15 a gift from each child (who ever was invited and went). Then it started to get out of hand.. My twin daughters were getting $20-$30 cash gifts each.. (Yeah, who wants to shell out $50-60 for a birthday party??) Tit for Tat was getting out of hand. Not to mention my daughters were getting big bucks gifts that were going ignored in the party bags long after the party ended..

    Decided to kill the cash gifties and give gifts we thought the child would enjoy without breaking the bank. Board games, gift certificates, books… Put my foot down on matching other parents dollar.

    A gift is a gift.. Think it is getting a tad out of control on the kid level..

    In fact admire the parents of my daughters friends who do not throw B-Day parties and instead put the money a party would have cost in a fund to enable the next family getaway.

    Might just start that tradition here…

  8. LOL, you were pretty cranky but we love you…

    I think that unless you have some kind of special situation you wouldn’t understand the role of being an advocate for your child. I think it goes beyond ‘just being a mom’. It means that you stand up and fight for your child when you have a special need that has to be met.

    Believe me not EVERY PARENT is their child’s advocate like Rebecca says. Sad but true…

  9. Amy, I’m talking about b-day party gifts for a pre-schooler, but from and for kids that don’t necessarily have any significant connection. I feel for the parents of the child who’s born during the holidays or during the summer. They never get their investment back.

    I understand consistent gifts from close friends and family especially if they know what the child really wishes for, but this is not the case. I also think that a pre-schooler can be happier with less than a teenager overall. How much should the gift cost once these children get in their teens?

  10. I feel you Daphne – I think being an aware parent and trying to intercede, as necessary, for your child is just part of the job description — but i think there’s a smaller topic here – advocacy with a lower case “a” that got nominally touched upon by some in this conversation, and THAT advocacy is the kind that some parents participate in to an unpleasant extreme. I encounter this in some self-centered, my kids the center of the universe, parents, and it’s irksome for sure.

    Advocacy with a capital A, to me, is just short-hand for being a legal advocate for your child when their rights in the larger external systems in which they participate (school, sports etc.) are being infringed.

    For me, I agree with the point that one goal of parenting is to help your kids be their own advocates…those are my values as well. To me, that starts with not jumping into every childish disagreement over whose turn it is, or who said what to whom, or who started it and, instead, encouraging the kids to work it out for themselves. And for some, that is advocacy with a little “a.”

    Daphne – to your “crankiness,” well, I think you just wear it all on your sleeve, mostly hilariously. And that’s why I keep coming back to your site. :-)

  11. If we “advocate” too much for our children wouldn’t disable them from standing up for themselves? I understand toddlers but where do they draw the line. Advocate or Helicopter mom? I don’t know I think I’m with you on this one Daphne… What do they mean by advocate?! Just be a MOM

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