Played out

This week has been one of the more challenging ones in memory. Rex is having a hard time recovering from surgery. He will be okay, but hurts. I knew this would be a tough week so I taped a few things in advance and I thought I’d pick one that represents what I like to do when the going gets tough…watch trash TV.  Haven’t had much chance this week, but I did get a few snippets to clean the brain.

What do you think is played out?

God, do I look tired.

when do you give up on a child?

one of my favorite parts of my weekend is reading Modern Love in the NY Times Style section on Sunday.  They are well written essays about all kinds of relationships.  This past Sunday was no exception.  But, while it was well written, it has really disturbed me.  Pleaseread it and tell me what you think.  In short, a woman had a boyfriend who died leaving an orphaned 8 year old girl.  The writer didn’t really like the girl.  Eventually an aunt and uncle took her in, but after a whopping 5 days decided they would turn her out.  This child went to foster care and then was adopted.

The end of the essay the writer is musing on what her life would have been like had she decided to mother this orphan.  I’m thinking, who cares about you lady?

I would not put my niece and nephew up for foster care.  I am the god mother to my best friend’s child and if, God forbid, something happens to her parents, it’s all written down that I will take her.  I’m sure a child in that position would be difficult: their parents have just dropped dead.

This theme was brought up a while ago when that lady returned her adopted Russian son.  But, why do people think children are like a belt from Nordstroms?

My mother told me the essay depressed her as well.  But, she has known kids (she runs a high school) who have had their families give up on them.  I get it, they are inconvenient.  So what?

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Post Op

I was doing the back counting to figure out when was the last time I could nurse Rex before his surgery.  2:45am.  I was trying to sleep, but really hoping he would wake up before then so I could hold him close.  It briefly went through my mind to get him up so I could nurse him.  But, I quickly realized I would be a crazy loon if I did that – who made it all about my needs and insecurities? At around 1am he woke up and was fussy big time.  My cue!  I really enjoyed the time together.  Then Mark was only to happy to follow with a bottle to get him good and down and have his own special time with him.  Rex might have been thinking, “Enough people I want to go to sleep.”

But, he didn’t know what he was in for.  We did.  7:45 was the cut off for clear liquids.  When I head Rex stirring at 6am I didn’t do my normal pillow over head till 6:45 so he can learn mom doesn’t come in that early.  This morning was different so I bounded out of bed and brought him to the kitchen.  I was worried how he would handle no nursing wake up.  But, when I gave him a bottle of apple juice he was pretty happy.  Thinking, “You never give me juice”.  Drink up pal, it’s like you are a condemned man.  I warned Mark we had to keep an extra eye on him this morning.  Any other day if he picked up some old, stale bagel and munched on it I would let it pass, but not okay, pre-surgery.  I did grab some lotion from him.  He was starting to have it as his breakfast.

Mother-in-law shuttled Vivien to school and we got to the hospital on time.

And waited.  Rex fell asleep on dad’s shoulder, but when he woke up we were still waiting.  We finally found out they were running late so we put him in the stroller and went around the area as he was fussing and I couldn’t nurse him to soothe him. Which was getting hard on both of us.

When we did get back the nice staff was ready for us and handed me a pink vile of “baby downer.”  In short, a light tranquilizer to help with anxiety.  As I spoke to the surgeon and anesthesiologist about the procedure Rex fussed.  Then after a few minutes, he was smiling and swaying in my arms.

I know this look.  I went to college.  I pictured a little Jimi Hendrix playing in his head.

We changed him into his little mini hospital scrubs (which I wanted to keep, but they say they launder and reuse, darn it) and walked him to the last threshold for the non pro.  The surgical nurse put a blanket over her shoulder and extended her arms.  I handed over my son.  Even in his purple haze he looked distressed.  We watched him be walked down a hallway.  He looked at us the whole way, like, “WTF?”

I sat down and cried.  Mark tried to comfort me.  “I just want to feel sad right now while I can.”

But, like the Brogdon I am the other part of me took over.  The part that wanted lunch.  It would be a while so we left.  I didn’t want to stay there.

After lunch we came back and waited a while.  Then the surgeon came out and said it had all gone well.  When we walked back we saw Rex sleeping.  Three nurses were cooing over him.

“He is so cute. We said, don’t send the parents in yet, we want to pick him up!”  I rather enjoyed their compliments of my little man.

After about ten minutes he woke up and I nursed him. After a while he looked all red and blotchy.  He was having a reaction to one of the meds.  Not bad, but that had to be dealt with and he was much, much fussier than normal.  Stands to reason.

We finally got home and still had one more prescription to go get, my stepson did that thankfully.  Mark picked up Vivien and got some take out.  Rex went to sleep for an hour.  I inhaled a glass of wine and lay down for about twenty minutes.  I realized my whole body had finally gone into an at ease mode after tensing up for months in anticipation of the event.  In many respects that is the worst part.  But, this is just the beginning for Rex.  The next week is going to be very hard on him and it’s going to take months before he is fully recovered. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

Sorry baby.

Pictures My Daughter Takes

I’m not going to make the case that my kid is the next Annie Lebiowitz or Ansel Adams.  Most of what she takes when she grabs our camera is crap.  Lots of pictures of concrete sidewalks, people mid chew, part of furniture askew and partly out of frame.  Come to think of it, kind of like the pictures my dad took my whole life.  But, as I delete 95% of them a few jump out to me as worthy of keeping.

This one is cool, but  Rex and his dad are in virtually in the same position.  Big person chair, little guy chair.

I love this one she clicked of her sweet face with bedraggled mom yapping away in the background.

And while not one I will frame I thought it was composed well and it summed up the vibe of that afternoon: parents and kids.
The parents with their red wine, and the baby bottle of milk.
Of course I’m biased.

Tap water

I used to get gallons of water delivered to my door via truck.  Now, when a friend brings a case of bottled water into my house I ask her to take it with her when she leaves.  Nothing so tiresome as a convert.  But, didn’t we all use to drink tap water? I’m not asking for a pledge.  Sometimes it is more convenient.

Oye, now if I could just figure out how to have take out food without all the packaging and buy toys and electronics that weren’t encased in plastic!

Super tweaked

I’m late posting a vid today because I’m in another realm of so flipping tired.  I’ve entered super tweaked. Rex had a fever Friday.  Mark took him in as I was working and they found nothing wrong, no ear infection, etc.  So through Sunday am, he had the fever off and on.  We gave him the pain relievers to bring it down. He didn’t eat much, but seemed to be getting better.  As a consequences he woke up..a lot. He is fine now and we think it was because he had a lot of teeth break through the last few days. Did I mention that he woke up a lot?

A lot.  A lot.  And nursed like he was a newborn.  I know I don’t have that much milk left, but he sucked like I was Daisy the cow.  Which is fine, as I want to comfort him.  But, just not at 11:45.  2:15am, 5am-6am till he discovers my purse on the floor and rips everything out of it. Fine with me, it gave me 20 minutes of shut eye and I needed to clean out my wallet anyway.

This is the first real nap he has taken today.  But, enough about me.  My big, super reason for being super tweaked is Rex is having surgery tomorrow. I don’t want to say why as I think he should have some privacy in his life, but it’s not life threatening, but it’s general anesthesia, two hour operation.  It’s not a small deal.  We have already put it off once.

I would love to hear from parents how they get through this because when they wheel him away from me tomorrow I think I might pass out. And coming after a weekend where I’ve already been rubbed raw, literally and figuratively, this could be a hell of a week.  I’m going to try and write stuff today because I think for the rest of the week I will be shit for brains.

I worry about wiping that sweet smile off his face. Sigh.  My poor little guy.

Cheap Music Class

With my first, I ran around with her to baby classes.  Yoga, music, nursing groups, tax planning. I hated the stress of trying to get to a 10:30 class and she had fallen asleep in the car and I sat there adding up how much that nap cost. Rex loves when music comes on, he really responds to it.  But, does a baby really get rhythm or a love of music from sitting in a room in a circle with his mom, other babies, a couple of moms and some nannies?  Can’t I just mimic the experience at home? Let’s see how it works.

No Deadly Weapons Sold Here

When I had the idea to do funny videoes online for parents I thought I might make a little money from it. But I really wanted to do it as a creative platform to help people feel connected, which is what I think humor ultimately can do.  Ironically, as this experiment called has gone on I have found that:

  1. It’s harder to make money online than I realized and glad I was naive or I would have never done it (you know, like motherhood).
  2. Unlike when I started CoolMom, now I do need some money.

You all know what happened to us so I won’t belabor that.  But, to that end I have made attempts to get some sponsorship for this site.  The ads on here so far have all been of the click through variety that don’t bring in much  (but, by all means click through).

But in the next few weeks you’ll start seeing videos that have some product “integration.”  We do that on my TV show and never say we are doing integration.  But, in this format it’s different.  It feels more intimate.  So I want you to know that the advertisers I have spoken with about doing a vid are all products I’ve tried myself and am okay with.  I’m not going to be advertising bullets. Also I will say clearly when something is an ad integration.  I want to keep my same voice.

I was at a mixer the other night and met so many great, smart gals who know a lot more about this space than I do and they all thought I was missing an opportunity as has grown over the last 2 years.

Okay, are we okay?  Thanks for coming to I really appreciate it.