Message to expectant moms

Now, I assume that most people who come here are already parents.  But, once in a while I hear from some who have not crossed over that threshold.  This vid is for you!   I find when I have a co-worker or friend who is about to have a baby I spill forth a five minute warning/to do list for any expectant mother.  I guess it’s my version of what I feel people withhold from would be moms.

So, here is a shorter version.  I didn’t mention everything…like the blood that comes out of you for weeks that no one tells you about.  I guess we all need surprises.

Please feel free to add your own warnings and advice.

29 thoughts on “Message to expectant moms

  1. I loved this. When you talked about lying in the bed in that position with the baby trying to figure out what was wrong and all the while thinking ‘I will never sleep again’ and ‘what did I do’ — I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO related to that. I have BEEN THERE.

  2. Daphne.

    I gave birth to my first child, my son, on April 5th (actually he was pulled out of my via an extremely unwanted c section after 48 hours of labor, then I got sepsis and we spent a week in the hospital. Anyway.)

    This video spoke to me. My little guy is actually pretty awesome, not a huge screamer (knock on wood), but I’ve had my fair share of bouncing him, wiiiide awake, on the exercise ball at 3 am, praying that he just Go. To. Sleep.

    Thanks for this.

  3. Daphne,

    Long time reader, first time poster here. This video was so dead on and hilarious. Such a perfect summary of those totally crazy first few weeks with a baby.

    Your blog is such a refreshing change from all the other ‘mommybloggers’ who are all either depressingly self-loathing or annoyingly self-promoting. You are realistic and positive and so very funny.

    I log onto coolmom every morning for my daily dose of mothering inspiration. I have a 4 year old and a 4 month old, so I am totally in survival mode right now and I appreciate the little moments of zen that I get from reading blogs like yours!

  4. Ok. But is sooo the same for second time moms. People say: “Oh!!! The second one is a breeze because you already know what to do.”
    Hell to the NO! The second brings a whole new plethora of confusion.

    Support is the best thing— and a glass of wine.

  5. Thank you so much for this! My husband and I are contemplating getting pregnant. Personally, I would really love another six months of fitting into my new, obscenely expensive jeans, but time’s a ticking. I appreciate any mother who allows the uninitiated to see how hard it is. My two best friends are both mothers and they haven’t sugar coated their experiences at all. I prefer to go into this with my eyes open and armed with as much advice as I can have.

  6. Postpartum depression is something that I was not warned about. I was told about something called “the baby blues” by the not very helpful females in my family. So I was very unprepared when I was struggling with it the first year of my son’s life. When I told the VERY unhelpful females in my family what I was going through. They just said “Oh, you’ll get over it.”
    Finally I talked to my doctor. He helped me. I felt better. I finally bonded with my son. (short version)
    Wow, ranty there. Sorry.

  7. Nobody told me ( mother of twins) about the horrible labour pains after the kids are born.
    Nobody told me that my children would not sleep for more than 2 hours straight for the first 2 years.
    Nobody told me about all the nights spend in the ER because one or both of the kids : hurt the head, arm, leg or what ever.
    Nobody told me about all the sniffles, colds and chest cold I would get because they have it.
    so this is why I would tell it. Not that knowing that it will happen makes one feel better.
    Greetings from Germany

  8. I am over via Alexandra’s blog and let me tellyousomething…I am getting my ass on the phone and sending her flowers as soon as I am done with this comment.

    Mother of God. Thank you.

    Oh, I think you are a riot. You probably didn’t get that from all the rambling. Sorry.

  9. Oh.good.lord. YES! That whole scene you described at the beginning with the crying and the everything else?? Yeah.. that was me with my 1st for the first 4 freakin’ weeks. Nobody told me about that and it sucked big donky youknowwhats!

    And my second.. not much easier. In some ways, yes but in other ways hell to the NO!

    I can’t think of much else that wasn’t told to me by dozens of female coworkers but geez.. it still hit me like a ton of bricks anyway. Thanks for keeping it all real.

  10. YOU KICK ASS!! What you said is soooo true!!! And I’m glad you said you had left some info out but still… I wish people hadn’t sugar – coated the whole experience for me, god, how that would have made things better and easier. And I don’t think I can think of a better person to open up the eyes of expectant first-time mommies than you, quite frankly ;-) I am on my own personal mission of de-gloryfying the deal – I really believe you need to know what you are getting yourself into – a roller-coaster of EVERY possible emotion, induced by sleep deprivation (and often mommy food deprivation due to the baby’s colic *bangs head repeatedly on wall* OMG). Thank you for this video!!

  11. Great comments. love reading them. Megan, your kind comments could be used for my press package…if I had one.
    (note to self)
    Wendy, there is a house for rent at the end of the block, it’s not so hot, but love to have you in the neighborhood too!

    Oye, colic, yes, Viv had that for awhile. So much better to brace yourself for the worst.

  12. LOVE IT! I can vividly remember the first couple of nights at home w/ my first born having that feeling you get when you get a new puppy or kitten…you know, who thought this was a good idea and can we give it back, lol.
    I wrote a letter to a friend who was expecting and stuck it in a book I had loaned her, basically saying it’s not all pink clouds and angelic choirs and it’s okay. She found it in her post-partum haze and told me later it was such a comfort to her to know she wasn’t alone.

  13. yes! yes ye sye sey se eYES YEYS EYYE SSyssssss

    i haven’t been around lately because i finally had my lil babe and…

    did i mention

    YEYS YEYEYSYeyeyeyeysys???

    i honestly have no idea how i’m alive right now … 3 months in and i still only get ~4 hours of sleep a nite. and that’s an improvement! i’m constructing voodoo dolls right now of all the peeps who say their babe sleeps thru the nite at 3 months. they = DEAD TO ME.

    of course i love my lil lady and there are many great moments, but man. there’s just no knowing how insane/chaotic it is until you’re IN IT.

    this is my fav video you’ve done. it’s so effing dead on and true and hilarious. lurve you.

  14. sooo perfect example of the postpartum haze = the long comment i just wrote which…disappeared?

    or maybe it’ll appear in 2 seconds?

    tough to tell!

    haven’t gotten more than 5 hours of sleep a nite in 3 months. (and five hours is a GOOD NITE).

    this video is so unbelievably dead-on. one of my absolute favs you’ve done.

    “what have i done what have i done?”

    love it.

    the other nite, i was watched tv with my husband and there was some commercial for chase bank on. a girl was frolicking around on it:

    me: “LOOK AT HER WITH THE HAIR AND THE DRINKS AND SMILES!” *sob sob sob*

    husband: *scared silence*

    missed your site – haven’t been here since feb! but slowly my fog is clearing and hope to be baaaaack ;)

  15. Ok you are freaking me our and I already have a kid but I’ll let you in on a secret (and really it is still a secret) I am 42 (almost 43) and 6 weeks pregnant! Not sure where this will go as it went no where this time last year but I am freaking out trying to keep it a secret. So there you have it! And your video is bringing it all rushing back! Thanks for the reminder!

  16. I don’t wanna brag (well, maybe a little)…but I had a LOT of newborn experience before I ever had my kids…so I knew they would be trouble. I was ready for that…and I think I did okay. I was often the “female help” lol for a lot of people. I was homeschooled in my teen years…so I was home during the day. I made a killing showing up to watch older kids or make lunch…or just sit & fold laundry while I watched someone’s newborn! I didn’t even charge very much. I was young, $10 while you shower, brush your teeth, & change your underwear was plenty.

    But ya know how the docs & your friends & your mom all say, “Sleep when the baby sleeps!” ? Well…the opposite doesn’t have to be true. Just b/c your baby is awake…doesn’t mean YOU have to be! Obviously if leaving the kid in the crib is causing a screaming fit that keeps you up…you may have to work something out. BUT…if your kid is okay in the crib or the bassinet…Leave them! By God when those kids are quiet don’t start fiddling with them!!!

    Just b/c you hear whimpering at 3 am (and assuming it ISN’T time to eat or be changed)…then just let them whimper…cuz they’ll get bored. Their attention spans aren’t very long. They’ll forget what they’re even doing awake and go back to sleep.

    If you’ve fed them, changed, them, and are preparing to put them back down but they’re still awake…put them down! Its not going to kill them to lay in the dark.

    The same holds true once they’re toddlers and are fighting naptime. Put them in their rooms…and leave them! They’ll play quietly, or they’ll actually fall asleep. Either way…you got your naptime break!

    I’m having a break right now while my 2 yr old “naps”. We call it “quiet time” in our house. ;) Good luck, mommas!

  17. I sent this video to two of my friends who are pregnant with their first child..hehe They’re the ones that think it’ll be a beautiful and blissful..HA!

  18. Hehe, I’ve raised six (yes I figured out what was causing it….eventually) My “baby” will be 18 next month…BUT my daughter-in-law and 25 yr. old son are expecting their first little girl in two weeks. She is SO getting this video. hehe

    Deb

  19. I love this video, hit by a truck may be an understatement! I remember telling people- They use sleep deprivation for enemy torture! When will I ever sleep again. Now they are 2 and 4, and it’s just barely getting better.
    Thanks for the video,
    Christine

  20. Also, no one will give a rats ass about how YOU’RE doing after the baby is born. They’ll all be wanting to hold the baby, and then they go home.

    You’ll get that first chunk of four hours of sleep and you’ll think you’ve slept for three days straight.

    Babies are cute and difficult, in that you can’t leave them alone for long, but at least they stay where you put them.

    But babies also grow up to be kids, and at least the baby stage, there’s no back talk. I’ve got a three year old and christ on a cracker, I this age. No one tells you that three sucks. Two is like having magic fairies.

  21. oh my bruised breast… is this true!

    it always MAKES ME TWITCH when i hear a mother of more than one baby say, “oh! having 2 is easy… cause you already know what to do!”.

    that’s such a crock!

    nursing my second was like learning how to walk again.

    coordinating nap time, leaving the house with a diaper bag prepared for TWO, mealtime for a baby and a toddler, bedtime for both (STILL the most challenging feat of all), quality time for BOTH… it’s like a BIG DEAL to do it all with grace.

    i heard someone say once, “if motherhood is easy for you, you’re probably missing something really important”.

    great post, daphne!
    be well,
    eileen.

  22. LMAO @ “christ on a cracker” Statia… that’s HYsterical!!!

    And YES, raise your hand if you think the 2’s are a walk on a sandy beach compared to the crazy mood swings of a 3 year old. Oy!!

    Save me!!

  23. Oh my gosh, I am due a week from today with our first and just had to watch this video again since the time is so near! Ahhhhh – here we go! I’m 36 and my husband is 42 and life is about to change forever!

  24. My boy is 7 months and OMG this video is dead on! Great post!! Thanks for keeping it real. I had a bunch of food that I cooked ahead of time and kept frozen.. they were great for dinners. BTW, when your MIL comes to help you with newborn… 2 wks is WAY TOO LONG. Have her stay for 1 week and then set up someone else for another week. I love my MIL to pieces but TWO WEEKS? Arrghh!! It’s not like it’s your sister and you can say what needs to be said frankly and boldly. I didn’t have any energy to put her in her place and I was soo stinkin tired that I just let things go.. now that I can go back and think about it it just makes me mad some of her stupid comments and quips and dumb statements. You’re overly hormonal and innocent comments make you mad.. My mother passed away so she’s really the only mom I have and I sure didn’t want to upset that relationship but I think my hubby should have stuck up for me more. It’s great to have help but I really feel like me, my husband and I missed out on some beautiful bonding moments those first couple weeks.. Oh and my MIL came and stayed and then DECLARED she doesn’t do nights… like exactly what are you here for then?? Anyways.. I’m done rambling..

  25. OMG, I’m a first time mom, everything you said here was dead on, soooo true! I went through every little thing you just described, but I thought I wasn’t handling it well. Guess there isn’t another way =-)

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