Week 3
Time is now counted for me in a different way. How long it's been since my father died. I still get a pit in my stomach when I write that. I still don't totally believe it. I like when I get a few moments where I fool myself into thinking he is just away, not gone.
Last week Mark and I went to Miami. It was for a promotion that Coke Rewards is doing, giving money to State Parks. I was paid to go and cover it for my blog. Mark came too so we could have sometime together, as it has been awhile. It took us 24 hours to stop talking about worries and problems and enjoy ourselves. We were gone for roughly 60 hours so we had to relax fast. We ate at Zuma, Cool Miami and at Sr. Martinez, cute place, good drinks.
When we first got there I was excited to see the light of Miami, I have always liked it and use to live there part time. Then I thought of my dad as a boy in Jacksonville. I get lost in my head. Then I get distracted. Then we are on the beach and I remember so fondly my dad flying out to Miami to be with me while I filmed a show for Discovery. I am so glad he did that. We had so much fun. I have pictures of us on the beach. He went with me and my crew to dinner at Joe's stone crab. He loved meeting everyone and everyone loved him.
We swam out into the warm waters and I said to Mark, "I just didn't know how bad I was going to feel when my dad passed." I think of that about 10 times a day how clueless I was to this state.
Mark said, "that's because you never know how gone, gone is."
Yeah, couldn't he at least be on Facebook? Or send me postcards. I am staring at his photo right now and still can't believe I cant lean my head on his shoulder or hold his hand.
Cecily and I were going through some of his scrap books and old photos for the memorial we are planning. I wish we had done that before (here is my dad with then Gov. Jerry Brown), when we could have asked him questions. We took them into the house and my mom said right away, "ask me".
I'm so lucky to have a family to go through this with. Thanks again to everyone who posted condolences, it is appreciated. I won't assume again that a friend doesn't need my attention when a loved one passes.
Sigh, the start of the 4th week begins.
Daphne, I was on vacation and not online when your dad passed away, so this is the first chance I have had to say how sorry I am for your loss. He must have been an amazing man to have fathered a daughter like you
I'm glad you could get away for a break from the routine. I know nothing really helps the pain go away, but it's good to give yourself a change of scenery and a chance to be quiet. Big hugs.
PS I realize Miami is not exactly "quiet" but I was thinking of being away from the hubbub of family life. A chance to be alone with your husband. That sounds like a good thing.
You are so right. That is how you begin to clock time, "before my dad died, " "when my dad was still alive," "after my dad passed away, " "It was the first Christmas without my dad."
and on and on…
So sorry for your pain. I can feel it in your words.
So nice to see u. I am truly sad to hear of your dads passing. What a guy he was. U know I thought he was so special in fact all of you are a great family. Give my love to your mom and sisters … Love u blog and will keep up. I am working food styling and food photography with food writing for Ediblehawaiianislands.com An award winning magazine based in Hawaii. Check it out ,,love d