GRRRR! The Tiger Mom got lots of press a few weeks back, but over here at Cool Mom, I jumped on that “Raise your kid to be Chinese” before that. Either serious or tongue in cheek, what’s your parental mode? Practice that piano or be quiet “Real Housewives of Atlanta” is on? Jessica Gottlieb and Whitney Moss weigh in as well.
Cool Mom – Funny videos on parenting and pop culture
parents don’t know what they are doing anyway, might as well laugh about it
I totally agree about helping/encouraging/sometimes forcing kids to stick with something. I resonated with Whitney’s comment about having high expectations for my kids, but needing to step back and ask myself, ‘how am I communicating that to them on a day to day basis?”
When I did that self-assessment, I realized we’re doing ok. The kids are 4 and 2. I’m communicating but not being extreme, which is how I like it in our household.
They know we expect them to work hard and try hard and sweat a little, but that we’ll be there if they fall.
That said, I don’t have time to sit with my kid as they practice some instrument seven hours a day. Maybe one (or two if they get serious), and then homework checks. (I’m projecting to when they get to school-age!) And I certainly will NOT isolate them from making friends. That’s unhealthy.
Also, TigerMom strikes me as way over-fearful of failure. Kids who don’t know how to fail and then get up again gracefully are going to be pretty hobbled emotionally as adults.
the fear of failure is right on the head. As much as I like this discussion my beat about how the interest in Tiger mom and my own “how to raise your kid to be Chinese” thing is the anxiety that we parents feel as we see our economic lifestyle changing. I do worry about helping to give them the right skill set.
Yes, picking yourself back up when you get knocked down is one of those.
I am not a tiger mom, but a lot of Chua’s points (from her excerpt) resonated with me. I wrote a post about it…
Is Tiger Love Feral or Admirable?
It definitely takes more effort than I can spare to ‘Tiger Mom’ my children. I’d rather devote that intensive energy toward being attentive and present, teaching them the joy of building cooking skills (so they can nourish themselves and others), and leave them to listen to their own intuition about what feels right and what doesn’t.
Forced practicing is just a turn off to me, unless the child is as eager as the parent to perform in a show. Motivation comes in many forms…wanting to emulate somebody, understanding and embracing the value of developing a specific skill, sheer passion. I’d rather create experiences that strengthen those inborn character traits, allowing for natural interests to dominate and pave their way.
My kids are all very happy and self-directed…we enjoy chorus and intramurals alongside school. That’s plenty.
Hmmm.. I think I posted about this on your Chinese video…
I grew up with a tiger/lion dad. It served me well in the following ways:
-I don’t give up. If I want something, I go full force and nothing… NOTHING gets in my way.
-Excellence is of utmost importance.
-I have the confidence to know I can achieve anything.
These are the setbacks:
-I don’t give up. Ask all the guys I was vying after during my high school boy crazy phase. They all have restraining orders on me.
-I expect excellence out of myself and everyone else around me. Even when it comes to putting out the dogfood.
-The confidence I have is self-serving and forgets about everyone in my path that I trampled to get where I wanted.
SOoooooooooooo… I REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY hope I teach my son kindness is the most important thing. Forgiveness, relationships and love is worth everything. Achievements are great. But live your life according to who will be at your funeral. Morbid. Sorry.