Advice to a bride

Cindy Joung has been my admin on cool mom for the last several months. She has a full time job, the care of me and my humor probably takes up 28 minutes of her week. But, it’s an important 28 minutes to me. She is patient and tech savvy, smart and kind. She gently nudges me when I need to write an intro to a vid. She seems to have the qualities that are good to have in a spouse.

But, who knows? Who knows what we will be like once we are married. Cindy is about to leave town for a couple of weeks because she is getting married. I love this picture of her and her man.

She said she is usually the sour puss and he is the sunny guy, but she does have an infectious smile.

I’m very excited to see the dress, her venue, hear who got too drunk at the reception. But, my cynical married lady kicks in pretty hard.

“lower your expectations” I emailed the other day. I don’t mean to be Debbie Downer, but all that cliche “don’t go to bed angry” crap or “respect each other” stuff doesn’t seem applicable in day to day life. So hear is my question:

what would you tell Cindy or any gal about to get married about being married? Advice to navigate that life after the honeymoon. Oh, I might have said, “it’s all down hill after the honeymoon”, but dude, I’m tired.

I think it’s better to hear the truth. Like, many times you will think your husband is kind of stupid, probably because he has asked you 5 times where his shoes are, just say to yourself “you are a moron” right before you gently say to him, “I don’t know honey.”

More truth: kids are brutal on a marriage. Marriage is a breeze pre kids. The biggest concern is keeping your legs shut around other men and being polite to the in laws.

Also, good to hear the “wish I knew it then” type of wisdom.

Lay it on her! She will read this before the wedding and hopefully when she gets back. I hope her husband knows I still get 28 minutes of her.

Congratulations Cindy!

7 thoughts on “Advice to a bride”

You are marrying his whole family. So get along with those people when you are with them, and don’t bad mouth them to him when you’re not. Even if he seems nothing like his mother now, if you stay married long enough, you will come to appreciate just how much like his parents he actually is. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing – 20 years in you might appreciate his mother and like that he got some of her quirky qualities. But be forewarned – you never get *just* a husband, you get a whole family. And in the best case, that other family can be a nice counterpoint to your own – I sometimes get along better with my mil than my own mom. Best wishes!

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you have to combine money–legally it’s all together, but nice to have your own slush fund so if you want to buy a pair of shoes or whatever you don’t always have to explain yourself.
Also, you are not becoming ONE, no such thing.. two life long partners.

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Don’t become roommates that share a bed. Be best friends. Laugh a lot. Kiss a lot. Have ‘inside jokes’. Go on dates regularly. Brag on each other. Be that cheesy couple. Don’t take life too seriously-don’t take yourself too seriously.

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My early advice was separate bathrooms and a slush fund bank account. I still stand behind those thoughts, but after 12 years of marriage, my advice is don’t shut down. Don’t stop trying to have fun together, don’t stop date night even though finding a sitter is nightmare and it is easier to sit on the couch and ignore each other. Don’t stop talking about interesting things that you have in common right now. Yes, your kids and your house become the things you have in common, but if you only talk about replacement windows and third grade spelling, you, and your marriage will regret it. Stay “engaged” well beyond your engagement! Best wishes!!

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so true Con, and that can be so difficult. Adriana, like the “inside jokes”. Just today Mark and I had one of those moments and it is a sweet bit of glue in the day.

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