Today Rex is 3.  Today is my son’s 3rd birthday.

• 3 years ago today Mark and I went to the hospital and met my mom there.  We waited as I was prepped.  We were all happy.  I had been fasting in anticipation of my c section.  But, I wasn’t thinking about food.  I was nervous about the dreaded IV, but all my requests for “a good stick” bore fruit.  A nurse came and slipped it in me with no more pain than a blood test.  After that I relaxed.

I had the happiest delivery.  I did a video about it the next day (see brand new Rex here).  I am so glad I had my mom with me for the magic moment of the birth of my last baby and her last grandchild. The room had a lot of good female energy from the nurse, to the doctor as well.  The other doctor was my doctor’s father who also delivered Vivien and my niece.  Mark and I were so excited to meet our son.

I had never had a son before, Mark had, but I hadn’t.  What would that be like?

I made a point to ( well let’s say a protest) to the staff that I must hold Rex when he is born.  I felt robbed of this at Vivien’s birth.  My arms were strapped down in a crucifix style and I could kiss her check, but not hold her.  I really didn’t like that.  The surgical nurse said they feared a sudden movement on my part would throw my arms into “the field of surgery”.  When you are that numbed up you don’t always know what’s going on a few inches away.  I said, “strap me down all you want until he is cleaned and wrapped, then let me out so I can hold my boy.” Agreed.

He was crying as he came out.  He cried as they checked him.  He cried as Mark carried him to me.  But, when I took him into my arms and held him his crying stopped.  I breathed deeply. We could feel each other’s heartbeats again.  We were in concert. He was calm. He was healthy, a wonder.  He wasn’t Rex yet, he had no name.  He was my baby love. It was probably the best moment of my life.

We had been robbed of our savings, forced to sell our home in a total financial catastrophe, but none of that mattered when he was born.  It only highlighted the difference of what really endures.

my father with Rex

When he was a 7 weeks old Rex had a serious health scare.  They feared menningitis.  It was after midnight as I held Rex who had just been through hell as several nurses tried to get an IV in him.  No, good stick here. It took several tries.  I nursed him.   I had called my sister’s house.  My brother in law Kevin had answered with “what is the matter?”  Since I don’t usually call at midnight.

“Rex is sick” I started crying ” I need you guys to take care of Vivien”.  More tears.  He said they would. She was home with Oliver and a babysitter, but we didn’t know when we were coming home.

Mark’s eyes were damp and hollow as I said,”I would give every cent we lost and every cent we haven’t lost to make Rex ok.”
Mark nodded his head emphatically, but wearily, there was no question. We got lucky, we took our healthy baby home after a few days.

I really enjoy being Rex’s mom.  I was more prepared the second time around.  My dad use to say, “how you girls came out is who you were. Your personality did not change.” That first warm comforting embrace Rex and I had 3 years ago I had this morning.

Rex with his big brother

Almost every night Rex leaves his room and climbs into our bed and lays down between us.  When Vivien was little I was so by the book and would put her back in her bed.  But, partly I’m older and more tired and partyly because now I know how fleeting the years of cuddles are I let him stay.  I have a big bed.  Sometimes Mark complains, “Rex tried to push me out of bed last night.”

nursed till almost 2 and half.  Our last time

“Funny, he never does that to me.”  Sure, sometimes I get a foot in my face, but this morning about 5am Rex sleeply said to me in my half sleep state, “Momma, I love you so much and rolled into my arms.”
I took a deep breathe and felt his heart beat next to mine.  I smelled the top of his freshly washed hair.  I woke myself a little thinking of the morning he was born.  Then fell back to sleep for another hour.  When I woke up Rex was still in my arms.

I want him to stay there as long as he will.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY REX!