Occupy Recess

Speaking of time I want back…  I am spending a lot of time and thought on being pissed at changes at my daughter’s school.

Has this happened to you?  Where the energy you give your child’s school far outweighs other aspects of your life like, work, sex, relationships with friends, eating.  I’m a gung ho volunteer, public school kind of gal so I’m use to it being a part time job.  But, now I’m a disgruntled ‘worker’.

Whatever you do, kid. Don't play!

They aren’t laying the kids on medieval racks and dangling hot pokers, yet many of us are dismayed.   TA’s have been cut, snack recess has been cut.  There are other things, but these two have been the gunk between my teeth.  In general I fear these changes play into a disturbing trend in American education: Let’s get our kids primed to compete with the Chinese because we are all scared middle aged people who see our diminishing dollar.  Now, the second part is true.  But, guess what, have you been buying from Target and discount shops for the last 20 years?  Excited about how that dress only cost you $15?  IT’S TOO LATE.   They already own us.   About the only thing we have left that they can’t do cheaper is our sassy creative culture. (video on DC schools cutting recess here)

 

Am I concerned that Rex can’t spell his name?  Yes, sometimes I want to scream “The ‘X” goes last!”.  Then I breathe and remember that he is still 4 and that there is a huge leap developmentally that will occur in the next couple of years.  Do I wish I had gone to law school?  Yes, sure.  Do I smile every time Vivien says “I want to be a scientist”  instead of “I want to study improv” like I did.  Sure, of course.  But, a kindergartener should not be instructed like a 7th grader.  At all levels they need to be creative brains.  Here was a story I heard today about play is less than 30 minutes of a Kindergarteners day. 

When we had building blocks and dismissal at noon did the Russians invade Culver City?  No.  No, they didn’t. Our adult anxiety shouldn’t be put on the 5 year olds today.  I am very concerned about sending Rex to Kindergarten and there is a lot written now about how little boys really get shafted in this college prep ethos.  It’s painful for them to sit, sit, sit. Read the full article HERE, but this excerpt says it…

According to Whitmire, children are forced to use literacy skills much earlier than in the past, and boys develop these skills later than girls. In the world of “Kindergarten is the new first grade,” boys are struggling mightily to keep up. When it comes to writing, the gender divide is even greater. NCLB and our hyper-focus on standardized test scores is worsening, not ameliorating, the academic struggles of boys, and subsequently increasing the numbers of boys who turn off to school and eventually drop out.

According to Gurian, boys learn by doing and by moving their bodies through space. The more emphasis is placed on the development of early reading skills, and the less emphasis is placed on a healthy amount of movement and experiential learning, the more disadvantageous our schools will be for males.

Will the pendulum swing back from the sit still, early academic rigor to the progressive education I would like?  Hopefully, but doubtful by the time Rex enters Kindergarten in the Fall of ’14.  I don’t know what I’m going to do.  More thinking…

 

Time I want back

We’ve all been there.  In line at DMV, on  a bad date, sitting in a friend’s solo show.  Where you can feel life ebbing by and you are trapped.  You have to stay, you can’t go. You can feel your mortality dripping away  like a tipped over, open jar of honey.  But, you must stay.  For the license, to be polite, see your friend cry and take their shirt off.

A moment where you say “I want this time back.”  As a friend recently quipped to me, “Add it to the list.”  Is there a list?  Yes, I think there is.  Here is one for the list.

Standing in a public restroom while my son does his business.  I’ve tried to install a phobia of public bathrooms in my  kids, but so far only Vivien has caught the anxiety.  Rex will announce it’s time to go no matter what the digs are like.

Me: “Dude, wait till we get home. It’s going to be nasty.”

“No, I have to go NOW.”

This is partly why I recently hosted Vivien’s entire class for a party.  If I didn’t I know we would have ended up in Bronson Canyon Park.  I have a clause in my parenting contract, “No Bronson Canyon Park.”  I blew off Rex’s school social because that’s where it was.  The parking is bad, bees gather on the potluck food and worst of all it doesn’t have working toilets.  Only porta potties.  My kids know, run to the car.  We are out of here. How it has become the favorite  potluck park  for the 323 area code I have no idea.

Are you done yet?

So, Rex and I find the funky stores, funky bathroom. Honestly, I’ve been in a lot worse.  But, it was made worse because the toilet had one of those sensors so just when he would be mid business the thing would “Whoosh” like a jet engine. So it elongated the process.

“Mama, why is it doing that?  Stop it.”

Helpless “I can’t!”  Yes, I know the trick with the post it note, but I didn’t have one.”

It was here as I waited that I thought, look at my life at this minute. I want this time back. Wiping the little bottom, no prob.  I don’t mind that. But, could we do it at the Ritz?

 

how having a son can save you from dating pain

It’s too late for me.  I’m married and even if I wasn’t happily married, I’m too lazy to change it up now.  But, you single woman, it’s you I speak too.  Don’t get to sad about men.  Don’t take it so hard when they shower you with affection than never call or text or have your name tattooed on his arm–oh whatever you kids are doing these days.  Even as Cute, Cuddly little boys they are out to BREAK YOUR HEART. Like my earlier vid Italian Film Star, I explore this dynamic again.

yeah, we don't live in a bucolic land

 

enough with the psycho sexual billboards

Clear Channel Outdoors are the worst kind of whores.  No standards, or why else would they carry those foul billboards for “American Horror Story”? Does anyone involved with that show have children?  Daughters?  Because when I’m driving around town with my 8 year old girl and from the back seat I hear,

“Oh, no mommy there it is again.”  

I didn’t point it out to her.  When see stuff like this I hope my kids are busy punching each other or talking about farts.  But, if they bring it up, we have to talk about it. It’s so gross and vile to women.  3 women have a Snake coming out of their mouths.  No, that’s not sexual. ( roll of eyes), that’s not objectifying to women ( eyes roll other direction). Hey porn and smut and bloody horror shows and movies are all legal.  Good for you now, knock  yourself out, but kids who are strapped in the back of their parents cars and just staring out the window shouldn’t have to look at this stuff.

I can intellectually say why it’s disturbing.  My daughter says so instinctively.   I use to rail against the dismembered females bodies that that that stupid show about the plastic surgeons in Miami use to have.  Wait, another F/X show!  Granted years ago I had a good time when I hosted a show for F/X, before they decided to become the basic cable HBO. Our publicity photos was me and my co shots on a couch with bulldog.  The bulldog just sat.

I say to my daughter, “I’m really sorry you have to see that Vivien.  It’s immature.  They want to shock people with icky imagery. I’m sorry I can’t make it go away.”

If we are never able to regulate billboards content this place is going to look like Pottersville.

Oh, it already does

up and down weight of a woman

Maybe dudes have some of these issues, but look between

1) age

2) change of lifestyle

3) dieting

23 weeks pregnant with Rex

4) pregnancy

5) nursing

6) weird diet her friend told her to do, but made her dizzy and retain water

7) working in TV

7.5) stress

9) getting pregnant again

10) nursing again

11) exhaustion

12) another friend’s other weird diet that made me crave pineapple

 

Women have to contend with being the great growing and shrinking machine. Right now I’m in the shrinking phase after having been stuck at belly-fat-palooza for a while.  I’ve lost 8 lbs with a combo of stress and weight watchers.  I also embrace being a tad hungry at time and muscle through it.   I have a lot of cute clothes from when I was richer and thinner and I’d like to fit back into them.

I stumbled across this chestnut from when I was pregnant with Rex

and I was in the Growing phase.  It all comes down to organizing your closet! The big clothes, the small clothes.  I’m still a recessionista so I’m not throwing anything away and buying very little, unless I get as small as Jennifer Hudson.

is Mom Vlogging over?

Is mom vlogging DEAD? Oh, in 2007 I seemed so clever.  Why not create short, funny videos for mom? Give them a bite, not the “how to” of BabyCenter, but a virtual wise cracking friend.  Your own digital Ethel.  I partnered with Deca and created this site and Momversation.  The brands poured in, I made over 500 videos.

But, the last year and half I’ve got it alone while the landscape of mom vlogging and mom blogging has changed.  Bigger sites than mine have challenges.  They are chasing the elusive “monetization” and a wack- doodle pioneer like myself is left to reflect on the status of this genre.

who’s the daddy?

Good news, my life has meaning again.  Or rather, something light, superficial that I can fixate my mind on and not worry about real life stresses.  I’m talking about the Mia Farrow BOMBSHELL that her son is not Woody Allen’s, but Frank Sinatra.

My first reaction to the headline, Oh, that Mia, I get that she is still very pissed at Woody, who can blame her.  But, obviously that’s just a way to needle him from afar after he married her daughter ( yuck, gross).

Then I saw the picture.

C’mon, either that’s Frank’s son, or Mia had him all by herself, because that kid did not spring from this guy.

more likely

Sure the bone structure could be his mom’s, but the young blue eye’s could have gotten it from ole blue eyes.  My guess is even if he is not Frank’s son, he is not Woody’s either. Maybe he came form HandsomeNordicSperm.com .

Now, “Annie Hall” is my favorite move of all time.  However, I have been a Sinatra fan since I was a kid. My first time on radio in college was as “the Sinatra expert.”  I have more cool Sinatra stuff then I know what to do with.                                     I have a pair of his wive’s shoes.

Framed.  Yes, yes I do.

So, that the idea that Frank could be living in in the form of young, hunky, Rhodes scholar who works for human rights, well, I’m in!   If he gets a show on MSNBC  I will be watching.

As a mom I have to say to Mia Farrow, you done good mom.  That kid could be nutso with all that went on, but what a nice boy he is!  Funny and smart.  Look at his twitters

Yes, I’m a new follower.

That’s a big turd, little one

In honor of the Republican Congress I thought I’d show you my favorite vlog about a turd.  Cause those pin heads sure have made a mess!  Those poor foreign tourists waiting to get into Yellowstone. How do they gate that whole place off?

I can’t make a brand new video until the federal printing machine is back on.  No, this is not a government-funded blog, it’s solidarity.  (Maybe I could get funded one day…  “The blog to nowhere”  has a good ring)

I also love seeing Viven younger.  AHHH.