Rene Zellweger, what is going on?

She has Jennifer Greyed.  It’s a verb now.  It means to have plastic surgery where you look good, pretty even, but not like your former quirky cute self. rene z new face

More on it here.

Look, I don’t blame her.  She was a big deal for a while.. then had this lull in her career because Hollywood only lets 2 woman have careers at a time, she has a minute marriage to Kenny Chesney and then went all Meg Ryan…. well, she looks better than Meg Ryan.

If I had the money I would totally have an eye job.  Clearly I’m not the only one.  Plastic surgery is going gang busters.  As this infographic shows ( I love infographics)

stats on plastic surgeryHang on, laser hair removal is considered Plastic Surgery?  Then every Armenian I know has “gone under the knife”.    Being in my 40′s I paid close attention to this part of the plastic surgery website. “The 40′s are a time when the aging process really begins to set in.”

-No shit.

We typically start to see the earlier signs of aging around the eyes and forehead. The skin around the eye is prone to wrinkle and show redundancy.

redundancy’ is a polite term for extra skin.  As in, that amount of skin hanging over your eyeball is really redundant.”

The upper eyelids and forehead can begin to droop and give a tired or sad appearance. Thus it’s no surprise that patients between the ages of 40-54 are likely to undergo an eyelid and/or brow lifting surgery in order to minimize these changes. The lower eyelids are treated by removing or tightening skin as well as treating fat pockets. 

-Years ago I was told that Ford models where all made to get rid of their fat pockets in their teens.  They sucked out the fat and put it in a straw for them to consume with lots of cigarettes.

But, it’s not just those in front of the camera’s.  Even Mormon’s want to look pretty in this life.

From Realself.com ” Surprisingly, Salt Lake City topped the list with almost five surgeons per 100,000 residents, beating out Miami, San Francisco, and even L.A. New York City did not make either list.”

realself cities with the most plastic surgeons

One thing I loved about Miami when I lived there is that everyone is so honest about their work.  They will walk around with bandages.  Unlike SF, where those crunchy, self important, rich liberals hide out in their $100 t-shirts till the stitches come out out.

There are always friends who say, “Oh, don’t ever get an eye job.”  Thanks, but I have to hold still with eyes closed after I apply liquid eyeliner or the ‘redundant’ part of my right lid gets  it’s own drawn on mustache. Plus, the upside as having been only moderately successful in my professional life, no one really notice.  The downside of only having been moderately successful in my professional life means I can’t pay for it though.  Maybe a yard sale?

Wait, I’ve got the recessionista fix.  Walk around like this.

non surgical eye lift

non surgical eye lift

 

best marriage sex advice ever

Leave this video playing in the room when your husband is in the room.

Your welcome!

Not to mention the fact that if I’m awake I want to watch House Hunters international or some mumbling English chaps investigating crimes.  ( By the way, why don’t they ever put on gloves at a crime scene on Inspector Lewis?  Don’t they watch CSI or Luther?)

When does Thomas chug along?

“Rex, you never use your train table anymore.  May I give this to someone who will use it?”  No way.  He wants it.  All those train tracks, all those trains are never touched, but the table stays.  It is helpful when I vacuum his floor.train table

The big days of Thomas have declined.  A day I once hoped for.

 

But, he still likes his Thomas desk. thomas the tank desk So, how long does is the residual nature of a beloved early childhood character?  I think it goes pretty deep.  I just recently bought the first Partridge Family album.  Putting on “Umbrella Man” take me back to the halcyon days of sitting on our old concrete porch staring at the record play on my red and white battery operated record player.  The Bell Record label going round and round.

I’ll never be able to get rid of that table.

 

 

the mother shoes

I look particularly awful in this video, but it cracks me up.  Also, the shoes you see at the end, the Danskos I’m still wearing.  Well, in summertime I’m wearing flip flops and because of global warming summer is now 10 months long, but I have thrown the cloggy shoes on.

One moment in the last year where I thought, I have to start wearing better shoes …. I was in a business meeting ( I work on my husband’s restaurant/ catering biz) and a cute young guy looked down at my shoes and said, “oh, are you in food service as well?”  Ah, yeah I said.  But, I wanted to say, no, I’m over 40, married with kids and I’ve given up, but you Mr. Full lips are going to make me at least put on my Stuart Weitzman low heeled pump.”

I clomped away.

Mysteries of motherhood

When did that brown spot appear on my face?  Who stole my old knees?  Things I wonder about.  To promote Debra Messing’s new show “The Mysteries of Laura” I was asked to speak about my own mysteries of motherhood ( and to include a successful you tube couple called NiveNuls.I have see odd stuff in my house and I bet you have in yours.  What’s up with that?

 

 

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making mom friends

So, two weeks ago I lost a dear family member and I’m really too laid out to address it.  As I wade through my grief and examine the life of the dear one I have lost I am helped greatly by my family and friends.  A good friend can get you out of your ditch, or hold your hand while he lay face down in the ditch until you are able to get yourself up.  When Rex started kindergarten I told Mark he was nervous.

“Why?” Mark asked

” He is afraid he won’t have any friends.”  I loved Mark’s candid response.  “I’m still afraid of that.”

So, I went into my archives where I talked about making mom friends.  It still holds up today.

kids “help” in the kitchen

I hide mixers like I would rat poisin from Rex.  We have been cooking and baking a lot lately, but sometimes I don’t want the “help”  ( Cut to child screaming, “I wanted to crack the egg, I wanted to crack the egg.”)

Here was very simple little exercise in cooking and economics with my kids ( note my slippers.  Could I be more white trash?)

I was making a pound cake and playing beat the clock yesterday.  Must- get -this-done-before-Rex-sees-mixer.”  If he sees it then he wants to do stuff and I’m worried about his little fingers going in the kitchen aid, and keeping track of who put in what last.  Plus, putting in baking powder does not have the same cache as 1) cracking eggs or 2) pouring in sugar.  The latter because he snatches some back for himself.  Then he and Vivien fight over the chairs they are standing on and I think, hmm, what’s a matter with buying a box of factory made cookies?  Oh, that’s right I’m giving them a great childhood memory.

Joan Rivers: a moment must be paid

I loved her when I was a little girl watching Johnny Carson.

So  brave.  Such guts.  I know people got made at her sometime, but guess what if you don’t have an edge you are Josh Groban, you aren’t a comic who makes people pee in their pants.  She always made fun of herself as well.

AN ORIGINAL

AN ORIGINAL

I was the direct beneficiary of her talent.  After she and her daughter left TV Guide where she blazed the trail of red carpet review they started another red carpet show The Fashion Team with my co host David Evangelista.  Later they brought in Lawrence Zarian.  The show was a blast to do.  fashion team with daphne brogdon and lawrence zarian Did I get to ever live coverage like she did?  No, I never got why, however it was a cushy gig.  Sitting in a studio all made up making fun of people.  I made jokes about celeb clothes and fashion trends.  Looks for less, fashion mommy must haves.  My kids both modeled on the show.  vivien peel modeling on tv

Rex and his mom "Kate Gosselin"

Rex and his mom “Kate Gosselin”

But, there was only one Joan.  Her daughter came on once in one of our early episodes.  It was not a warm event.  But, it didn’t change how I felt about Joan.

I saw her live in a play at Geffen playhouse not that long ago.  She was great.  So much energy.  Back in the ’70′s my parents interviewed her– they did some freelance journalism.  They loved her.  She was very smart.  She was promoting the film she directed Billy Crystal in “The Rabbit Test” about a pregnant man.

Let’s remember her delivery.  Someone can write a good joke, but the way she delivered it.. and would just not let up.  So funny.   I’m really going to miss her. Her nearest creative heir is Kathy Griffin.  But, she doesn’t make fun of herself the way Joan did.  But, creativity is so personal.  I really thought Joan Rivers would go on longer.  But, there never would have been a good time for her to leave the stage and I’m glad she was working till the end.

I can’t help but think…The last few weeks have been really tough on great comics.  Shouldn’t someone go check on Jim Carrey? Does someone need to walk Billy Crystal home?

when do boys sit down for dinner?

“My family always sits together for a family meal.” You will NOT hear that coming out of my mouth.  More than once  a week and Mark and I would be opening a vein.  Why?  It’s unpleasant.   I remember a few years ago when I was so happy baby Rex settled down for a restaurant meal.

But, it was rare enough that unless we owned the restaurant I didn’t try it much.  But, even worse is at home.  He throws off his clothes, refuses to eat, starts bugging his sister.  Why did I think his development would be on an upward trajectory?  Naive again! If he would keep his clothes on I could get that on video too.

I think he actually does better with the pressure of a public situation.  It’s just a more expensive alternative.