Turkey Time!

It’s that time again.. the best holiday where you don’t have to buy a present.  Except for a hostess present maybe.  I want to replay my take on Thanksgiving I did with Cafe Mom from when I still had a green front door ( it’s now red).

 

I do love this video.  It’s full of real good advice.  Some of which I have not followed this year.  I haven’t made ONE thing yet.  My table was not set days ahead.

I’m not going to go into it.. just can’t yet, but I’ve had a big loss and I’m still sorting it out.  I can’t comment till it’s been more digested.  Mark and my kids and fine and I wish you a happy holiday with your family and friends.

 

xo

potluck ransom

I love pot lucks.  I like hosting pot lucks. However,  rules must be observed.  Put your name on your stuff.  I can’t run everyone down

” did you leave the powder blue bowl?  The Winnie the pooh platter?  The silver pan?  Were you even here?”

I’m fine with hosting class parties.  I like to.  If not we end up in some gross LA city park with porta potties and bums sleeping next to the kids while they play capture the flag.  I don’t mind the set up, clean up.  We have a big backyard.  I just want people to take their shit with them when they leave.  The one night stand is over, get your crap and get out.  You never wanted to hear from that dude at the club you bedded after a few too many did you?  No, I don’t even remember his name.  But, he kept calling me “lips.”

After grilling our room teachers with the rules before our class party what happens?  One room parent has been emailing me about her serving spoon.  More than once.  I would have prefered if she had just shown up at my door and said “do you mind if I rifle through your kitchen and see if I can find over grown spork?”

She is a nice person, so I finally did hunt around for it after the last email.  I thought I would add a little drama into this potluck tension.  I sent her the following:

“Today’s newspaper let’s you know your spoon is alive as of today.  But, if you don’t follow my instructions it is in danger.”

potluck ransomeI should have told her that she needed to drop of a entrée that would feed ten if she ever wanted to see her spoon again.  No vegi platter.  No one ever eats the raw cauliflower.

But, instead this morning I handed to the other room parent and said, “your girl wants me to put this in her kid’s cubby.  I’m not even sure who her kid is let alone run her cubby.”

She got it.  “She didn’t put her name on it like you asked?  I’ll take care of it.”  Later I saw her leaving a message on her cell phone, “Hey, I’ve got your crummy spoon what do you want me to do with it?”

It’s still better we hosted.  If you leave something in the park, would it be there if you went back? Would you still want it?

 

volunteering for school lunch

When I did this video about volunteering to serve lunch at Vivien’s school I was treated very differently.

 

I thought it signaled the start of my children’s disinterest in me and concentration on their friends.  But, now that Rex is in kindergarten I’m trying it again.  This time I’m getting the love that had eluded me.  Between putting on the plastic gloves, tying up my hair and running to replenish the pizza and orange slices Rex will appear for a moment  “Hi, Mommy!” Give me a hug and run off.  Then between asking kids if they want two helpings of vegetables or one of vegis and one of fruit,  there is a lull where I gaze lovingly at he and his new buddies playing on the grass.

On the 3rd hour of this shift as I sweep the debris left under the tables, Rex long ago back in his class, I think.  Don’t I see this kid every night?  There must be an easier way to see him.

 

full body sanitizer?

on my way home from dropping off my kids today..which resembled Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride due to copious amounts of street consctruction.. I heard a doctor who has treated Ebola and other fun diseases that it helps to have a hand sanitizer that a gloved hand doens’t have to touch… I can the pumping action?

Put that on my list!  Althouth sometimes I wonder if hand sanitizers just make us Feel like we are protecting ourselves.

I just picked up a jug size container of it for my kid’s school.  Though at a school it is probably like holding back the tide with a broom ( cut to kid rubbing his snot with back of his hand. Oh, wait, that’s me)

Rene Zellweger, what is going on?

She has Jennifer Greyed.  It’s a verb now.  It means to have plastic surgery where you look good, pretty even, but not like your former quirky cute self. rene z new face

More on it here.

Look, I don’t blame her.  She was a big deal for a while.. then had this lull in her career because Hollywood only lets 2 woman have careers at a time, she has a minute marriage to Kenny Chesney and then went all Meg Ryan…. well, she looks better than Meg Ryan.

If I had the money I would totally have an eye job.  Clearly I’m not the only one.  Plastic surgery is going gang busters.  As this infographic shows ( I love infographics)

stats on plastic surgeryHang on, laser hair removal is considered Plastic Surgery?  Then every Armenian I know has “gone under the knife”.    Being in my 40′s I paid close attention to this part of the plastic surgery website. “The 40′s are a time when the aging process really begins to set in.”

-No shit.

We typically start to see the earlier signs of aging around the eyes and forehead. The skin around the eye is prone to wrinkle and show redundancy.

redundancy’ is a polite term for extra skin.  As in, that amount of skin hanging over your eyeball is really redundant.”

The upper eyelids and forehead can begin to droop and give a tired or sad appearance. Thus it’s no surprise that patients between the ages of 40-54 are likely to undergo an eyelid and/or brow lifting surgery in order to minimize these changes. The lower eyelids are treated by removing or tightening skin as well as treating fat pockets. 

-Years ago I was told that Ford models where all made to get rid of their fat pockets in their teens.  They sucked out the fat and put it in a straw for them to consume with lots of cigarettes.

But, it’s not just those in front of the camera’s.  Even Mormon’s want to look pretty in this life.

From Realself.com ” Surprisingly, Salt Lake City topped the list with almost five surgeons per 100,000 residents, beating out Miami, San Francisco, and even L.A. New York City did not make either list.”

realself cities with the most plastic surgeons

One thing I loved about Miami when I lived there is that everyone is so honest about their work.  They will walk around with bandages.  Unlike SF, where those crunchy, self important, rich liberals hide out in their $100 t-shirts till the stitches come out out.

There are always friends who say, “Oh, don’t ever get an eye job.”  Thanks, but I have to hold still with eyes closed after I apply liquid eyeliner or the ‘redundant’ part of my right lid gets  it’s own drawn on mustache. Plus, the upside as having been only moderately successful in my professional life, no one really notice.  The downside of only having been moderately successful in my professional life means I can’t pay for it though.  Maybe a yard sale?

Wait, I’ve got the recessionista fix.  Walk around like this.

non surgical eye lift

non surgical eye lift

 

best marriage sex advice ever

Leave this video playing in the room when your husband is in the room.

Your welcome!

Not to mention the fact that if I’m awake I want to watch House Hunters international or some mumbling English chaps investigating crimes.  ( By the way, why don’t they ever put on gloves at a crime scene on Inspector Lewis?  Don’t they watch CSI or Luther?)

When does Thomas chug along?

“Rex, you never use your train table anymore.  May I give this to someone who will use it?”  No way.  He wants it.  All those train tracks, all those trains are never touched, but the table stays.  It is helpful when I vacuum his floor.train table

The big days of Thomas have declined.  A day I once hoped for.

 

But, he still likes his Thomas desk. thomas the tank desk So, how long does is the residual nature of a beloved early childhood character?  I think it goes pretty deep.  I just recently bought the first Partridge Family album.  Putting on “Umbrella Man” take me back to the halcyon days of sitting on our old concrete porch staring at the record play on my red and white battery operated record player.  The Bell Record label going round and round.

I’ll never be able to get rid of that table.

 

 

the mother shoes

I look particularly awful in this video, but it cracks me up.  Also, the shoes you see at the end, the Danskos I’m still wearing.  Well, in summertime I’m wearing flip flops and because of global warming summer is now 10 months long, but I have thrown the cloggy shoes on.

One moment in the last year where I thought, I have to start wearing better shoes …. I was in a business meeting ( I work on my husband’s restaurant/ catering biz) and a cute young guy looked down at my shoes and said, “oh, are you in food service as well?”  Ah, yeah I said.  But, I wanted to say, no, I’m over 40, married with kids and I’ve given up, but you Mr. Full lips are going to make me at least put on my Stuart Weitzman low heeled pump.”

I clomped away.

Mysteries of motherhood

When did that brown spot appear on my face?  Who stole my old knees?  Things I wonder about.  To promote Debra Messing’s new show “The Mysteries of Laura” I was asked to speak about my own mysteries of motherhood ( and to include a successful you tube couple called NiveNuls.I have see odd stuff in my house and I bet you have in yours.  What’s up with that?

 

 

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