who knew?

Who Knew?

That if your husband decides to clean out the garage it would take him two weeks and still not be done?

Who Knew that when he leaves out old stereo equipment and the DVD’s and VHS of your career there would be a freak July rainstorm and he didn’t think to cover these things?

Who Knew?

That the 140 times you thought, “I have to get those VHS transferd” would have been time wasted because now they are probably ruined.

Who Knew?

That you would want to force your kids to watch those tapes because this morning your 4 year old said that unlike Handy Manny “mommy, you and I don’t have a job”.

Who Knew?

I would tell my son that I do work, but “that my main job is taking care of you and Vivien.” Who Knew that would come as a surprise to me as I said it.

Who Knew that my house would end of up looking like the Clampetts.

Mother’s day, yuck

Please do not send me one more pitch about things to do for Mother’s day.  I never, ever liked it.  Well, not true I did enjoy the breakfast in bed last year and watching my political show in peace, but really, they could do that for me another time.

Sure, would I love a massage, ear rings, sitting on Hugh Jackman’s lap?  Yes, sure who wouldn’t?

Look around.  Is there someone near you who doesn’t have a mom?  Maybe a kid in your own kids school, or an organization that supports kids in foster care. The other week I sat next to a lovely lady at a charity lunch that my mother had helped with.  She works for an organization that brings kids to their moms in prison on Mother’s Day.  It’s called Get on the bus.   I’d rather spread the love around on Mother’s day and think of the people who feel like crap on it.  Where is Orphan Day?  Or,mommy dearest day?  Ha, what about that?

But, Hugh, the key is under the mat.

Hausfrau!

I always feel like I need to be doing when my kids are in school.  Advancing work stuff, or exercising.  Writing.

Not today.  I’m embracing my inner hausfrau.  I’m working on cripsy kale.  Some with red pepper spice for me, some without for me kids.  While I watch the Season Finale of Dallas. I went through 45 minutes of self loathing while I formulated this plan.  Then decided to go for it.

Here is what I have learned in the last 90 minutes.

1) who killed JR

2) TNT has really annoying repititve commericals when you watch their shows on their site.

3) pre cut kale doesn’t work well for kale chips because the stems are too pronounced.  Better to buy whole, tear.  Thus even though it’s a pain to dry greens, better not to get the pre washed type.

cut kale not as good

4) the salt ratio is best attained on kale when I mix the salt and kale and olive oil in a bowl as opposed to sprinkling on the pan

5) I have a little cougar crush on Josh Henderson

from perezhilton.com

6) with Kale, more oil is helpful

Let’s be honest.  In about 2 hours I pick up my kids, start on the homework, after school enrichment wheel.  It’s okay to test a recipe and watch one of my favorite shows.  Even if I have to write a blog to justify it.

Road trip 2

Okay, so this is the part 2 of my Spring Break family adventure.  Not like Hangover 2… except I think they both had barf in them.

Just so you know what an awful mother I am… we pulled over while Rex was sleeping.  In the FRONT seat, he would only barf in the back seat.  Well, we wanted to redeem this sick ride and pulled over to see the Giant Redwoods.

There were almost no cars on the side of the road… a little bit off the highway… where we parallelled park to where you can walk in and scramble under and on these massive redwood trees.  The downed trees lay on the ground and the standing ones let in little sunshine so it’s a mossy, insulated carpet like world.  We locked the car with Rex inside  I was planning to only walk a few feet away with my brand new camera, but was so captivated I walked further.   I think ten minutes passed when Vivien and Mark were climbing over a downed tree asking me to climb up as well.

“no I better check on Rex”  Usually he is out for a long time when he sleeps in the car.

There was an old lady sitting on stump near the road.  “It’s like Avatar!”  She started talking to me like I knew her.  I was trying to be polite but felt I needed to get to the car.  Then I heard the shrieking.  Rex had awoken.  To an EMPTY car.  He was LOCKED in.  He was POUNDING on the glass.

“Excuse me”  I said as I ran to the car to let my trapped child out.

The kept talking, “if one tree dies they all die.”

I opened up the car.  He was hysterical. Poor baby.  I felt like crap.  Well, I really felt Mark should feel like bigger crap, because at least I came back.  He was still skipping around like a blue faced what cha ma call it.

Rex recovered fast and he liked the trees too.

the boy formerly known as traumatized

Then about 90 minutes later we were at our goal.  The country home of my former boss, mentor, dear friend, second dad Dr. Dean Edell He and his wife Sharon have a happy life there.  He is retired and has a great spread, kind of like his own little Yosemite.  I visited once before when Viv was 3 and Rex was in my belly.   The carefree days of thinking I had a secure financial future.

Dean and lil' Viv

It was great to see them.  They are dear people.  Sharon has a PhD in Geology and co authored the first book on California Oaks, so hiking with her I learned more than in most college class.  Bonus, no homework. It was great for my kids to just run and play and not scream at them for fear they were going to be hit by a car.

I really dug that the Edell’s said my kids were the most fearless kids they’d seen there.  Vivien went on her own little hike and came back with a deer jaw.  Later I walked with the kids and we saw the other parts remaining of the deer.  “This is how animals really are, it’s not like Disney” I said.  Really telling myself since I grew up in LA I thought nature was Swiss Family Robinson Tree house in Disney land.  Fiberglass looks so real!

It was too short of a visit.  Next time we have to stay longer.  Next time I’m not driving down from Portland!  The ride home was a tad brutal.  So brutal I begged to have a few hours of sleep at some truck stop motel.

The kids were kissing the house when we returned.  It did go through my mind.. “why did I do this? Why do I make the effort, spend the money?”  Ah, we ate great ice cream, saw great friends and saw deer bones. That’s why.

 

Getting back to my roots

Let’s talk about the really big news around here.  My hair.

After 20 years of dying my hair blonde.  I have gone back to my roots. Well, with a few highlights as well.  I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.

I'm naturally blonde and I have a cake!

Hear is my Hair Story:  Like many of us I was a blonde little child.  Golden locks, wispy buttery strands that flew through the rich Culver City air.  I stood out in my clan as they were all brown haired, brown eyed people.

Make Blonde not war

Then in adolescents.. I started to change.  The hair became darker, so I sprayed on Sun In.  But, that left it kind of orangy.  By High School I was done trying.  It was all brown.  My super thick hair a blunt cut that sat on my head like a helmet.  So, I cut it SHORT.  Very Molly Ringwald 1980’s. Daphne Brogdon 1980’s.

Molly, not me, but very close

I went to college and let it go where it would.  I was thinking about saving the world and listening to Grateful Dead, wearing huarache sandals so I didn’t realize that I had developed (gulp)

A MULLET

It was even kind of blue for awhile and then red, due to some temporary dye that wasn’t.  But, hey college is a time of experimentation, right?

"Does that girl have a mullet?"

I went home one summer before my junior year and walked into my friend Carolyn’s hair salon.  “OMG ” she screamed,  ” You look like someone from Sonoma County.”  This was before Sonoma county had great wine and cheese, but was hick central.  I finally came to.

“HELP ME”  She chopped the party in the back off.  Several weeks later she put in highlights.  Then I was on the road to blonde.  It felt like I was back to me.  The golden child.

Now, blondes do turn heads.  But, not so much when they are in sweat pants pushing a stroller.  I like my blonde when I’m all done up or on TV.

If only I always looked like this. But then I'd be on Real Housewives of Culver City

But, that’s not what most of my life is like.  I still want to be pretty.  I have not “given up”.  But, I don’t want to chase a look right now either. It’s also a lot of maintenance and money. I tell Vivien as I gaze at her naturally perfect highlighted hair, don’t chase the blonde Viv.  When you are older, go gently into the sweet night of brown. I don’t want her to spend time on that when she will be in a great scientist discovering a cure for cancer.  She has better things to do.

So, I’ve gone brown.  I’ve gone bangs.  Michele Obama said her bangs were her mid life crisis.  I feel kind of the same way. Although, I would prefer Channing Tatum or Bradley Cooper to also be part of this crisis.“Daph, we like brunettes. Brown brings out the blue eyes”

This is going to sound really goofy, but going darker is one of the bravest things I’ve done in a while.  My friends really see it.  Most like it, a few say they prefer the blonde.  Talking about hair sounds trite, yet it is a part of our identity.

I’ll probably go blonde again.  I always pictured myself a little old lady in a golf dress  with over tan skin in Palm Springs, short blonde hair dropping coins for the lifeguard to pick up for me

I would love to look like Cloris when I'm her age

We’ll see.

 

My boobs stopped watching the Oscars and went to dinner

Weird show.  The start of the Oscars was choppy.  That Boob song was not right for a show at 5:30pm that the entire family is watching, but moreover it wasn’t funny.  I liked seeing stars perform instead of sitting in their seats.  I could watch Channing Tatum do…absolutely…any…thing.  But, the “let’s make it about me” Seth Mcfarlane thing was cringy.

Last year my brother in law Kevin Tent was nominated for best editing for “The Descendants”.  NOW that was exciting.  For four years I had to watch the show with an eagle eye on fashion as the co host of the now defunct “The Fashion Team” on TV Guide Channel.  With no dog in the fight I was inclined to be less interested.  Although, I like a lot of the films this year.  “Silver Linings Playbook” was my big favorite.  Watching this year with my sisters  and their families I got antsy.  I wanted to go see my husband.  This past weekend Mark did his first ever pop up.

A pop up is a temporary restaurant.  A chef will take over an empty restaurant space, or one that closes at night, make a limited menu for a limited number of days.  I arranged for Mark to do this with a group called This is not a pop up.  It was the first time he would be cooking for the public since Campanile closed.  I know he misses the interaction he had with his customers.  Unlike when he had the full staff of Campanile he and his chef de cuisine Chris Eddy made everything.  The cookies, ice cream, cheese grits, broth, everything from scratch, themselves.

Mark with line cook Jay, chef de cuisine Chris. Together again. Campanile in Exile

The weekend had gone well, but Oscars would take customers.  So I thought, “Why am I watching a bunch of millionaires win trophies when I could be supporting my hard working, talented husband?”  Carole came with me and we had Mark’s Oscar special “Argo fuck yourself lamb with mint yogurt.”  ( it’s a line in the film, takes place in Middle East)

Mark and my sister Carole at the pop up

Delish.  It’s a small place so we talked to the people next to us and convinced them to vote for Eric Garcetti for mayor.  We had the homemade creme fraiche ice cream with prunes marinated in brandy and shortbread cookies.

When we got back Cecily rewound the DVR for us so we could see Striesand sing “The way we were”  dang, that was good.  The Michele Obama thing looked odd.  If Ang Lee hadn’t won I would have won the Oscar pool.  Instead, my nephew won. Rex was asleep on the couch, Viv was exhausted.  Packed them up and went home with extra shortbread cookies in my bag for the morning.

Next year, unless someone I know is nominated, I think I will DVR the whole thing and sit out the live telecast.  I like to see the big numbers, the tribute to dead people, but the cringy, inappropriate stuff, I will pass on.

Speaking of pass…honey, pass me more of that mint yogurt you made.

 

 

Downton on FB: other people’s comedy

This is one of the most funny, clever parodies I’ve ever seen.  If you haven’t seen the 4th- or 5th, if you count the first two hour episode as two, of season 3 you will see a spoiler, but otherwise read on.  A riot. It’s from happyplace.com

Well done! Click HERE

I’m waiting for my DVDof season 3 to arrive and then I will probably shut myself up in my room like Nicolas Cage with a bottle and a hooker in Leaving Las Vegas.

 

The kid needs to go back in the picture

Long time cool momers will no doubt have noticed that Rex and Vivien are in less videos than they use to be.  That darn going to school thing is taking my talent away!  I recently wrote an email to a gal about an enrichment class for Vivien.  I was asking about times and the lady wrote back asking “Are you home schooling here?”  Either because she is hoping to fill the slots for that 11:00am class or I seemed  like a brave, intelligent person who could do that.  Not the case.  I’d love to have them around more and have them in more funny videos, but if my kids were home schooled by me it’s doubtful they would be walking upright.

So, here is a little visit with the children. We just caught up over the weekend.

What went on without me

I pride myself on being up on news and knowing pop culture, but this week that’s gone to seed. Instead this was a week I reorganized my files. Ah, what a feeling! Long overdue.

Having dinner with my mom and sisters last night. They knew every detail of the inauguration.

Chuck Schumer so happy, John Boehner so not.

“Did you hear Richard Blanco’s poem?” ( watch it here, quite good)

Me “no”  I missed everything. No school that day and I chose to sleep in.

“It was incredible.  So beautiful”

“I loved Medger Evers widow.  Wow, what a speaker.”

I had managed to catch Michele Obama’s ball gown when I was at the gym and liked it.

They went on.  “Do you think Beyonce lip synced?  I don’t think it matters.”
Hmm, I knew she was there, but that’s about it.

“I saw Bill Clinton looked healthy”  I contributed.

Then they started talking about Hillary Clinton testifying about Benghazi.  I did finally listen to a bit of it this morning, but they had watched the whole thing.

“She is exhausted and she is pissed.  I like her attitude.”  I had missed some good drama there.

“Hey, ” I said, ” what about Lance Armstrong on Oprah?  I saw some of that.”

The sisters snarled.  “He can go crawl in a hole.”

I will have to read a weekly digest of some sorts at some point. Just Vivien’s homework feels like a part time job. But, they should see how good my files look! Well, I’ll save that bit of news for our next dinner out!

 

 

Mean lunch lady needs a break

Inauguration! ( don’t like Michele’s new hair do)

MLK jr day!

No school!

I watched the first episode of Season 3 of Downton Abbey.  Disappointed.  Not as gripping and Lady Mary is becoming unlikable again.  Poor Mr. Bates.  When I told Mark season 3 is not as good.  He replied, “Does that mean we can have sex again?”

I’m so happy not to have the morning school rush.  I’m taking the kids to a friends pool.  The other day I was volunteering at Vivien’s school for lunch duty.  I put that fish net cap on and the power goes to my head.  I became the mean lunch lady.

kid “I don’t want salad”

me “You take the salad, you need to eat vegetables.”

After I had foisted salad on kids who no doubt chucked into the trash I was told if they take the fruit we don’t have to make them take the salad. But, I was mad to make some mark on these kids

kid “no salad, fruit”

me “Please?  Say thank you.”

The other moms looked scared of me.  Not sure.  We all had different native tongues so hard  to bond.

This recent mail I got didn’t improve my mood.

Are 40’s the new senior? Or is it the hair net?