Category Archives: Education and School Blogs

Ballet Recital Part 2

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If you remember, a while ago I showed you the sad, forlorn-looking photo of Vivien for her portrait preceding her ballet recital. She was, of course, a triumph in both of her recitals. But, I was conflicted over if I was being too pushy by dressing her up and wanting her to take a cute picture. I know she’ll love to see it 20 years from now. As will I, because I am sure she will never come to visit… Maybe she’ll want it for her senior page, right?

So, I brought her big brother Oliver to help me elicit a positive response. Look how well it turned out! Pushy mom triumphs once again.

The Palin Saga: An Attack On Motherhood?

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Well, it’s hard not to snicker and find humor. The governor looks like Tina Fey, so the sketch could write itself.  Kind of a Clampett’s comes to the White House and since Palin is a hunter the family can even have a shot gun wedding. Crabmommy had a good post on the comedic side of “choice.”

It’s so ugly and sexist what is going on?  My husband said, “the Democrats have to be careful or it will seem like they are attacking motherhood.” Obama’s statement almost made me cry when he said that families should be off limits and that this was a nonissue.  “My mom had me when she was 18,” Obama said. Yeah, and look how badly he turned out.

Other pundits, talk show host, columnists have been very mean about Palin and her family. If I hear one more woman say that she shouldn’t be vice president because she can’t take care of her kids I will scream. NO ONE says that about a male politician. Say she shouldn’t be VP because she is anti choice, thinks global warming isn’t man made, has no foreign policy experience, in other words issue that are relevant to the work, but don’t piss on working moms. The only “oh my ” to come out of this is that Palin opposed sexual education in schools.

I do think they shouldn’t pick on the kid, or hold Palin to a higher standard of parenting then a male politician. But, between Jamie Lynn Spears and this soap opera in Alaska I fear an over glorification of teen pregnancies will be the aftermath. Teen mothers and their children have a brutal economic hole to dig themselves out of.

This from G-CAPP:
“The poverty rate for children born to teen mothers who have never married and have not graduated from high school is 78 percent.”

Now, I’m all for sex-ed. I was raised in a school where in 4th grade we were practicing putting a diaphragm in a plastic vagina as part of our sex-ed. I think condoms should be passed on street corners. I would take to the streets to protect Roe V. Wade, or if outlawed help ferry women to a country that would perform a DNC (not the convention, the procedure). If this Christian family believes that they can handle whatever life brings them, Down Syndrome or a teen mom, then leave this family alone.

Hillary Hits It Out Of The Park (Bonus!)

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I could not be more proud of Hillary Clinton. Her speech Tuesday night was picture perfect. I had been waiting to see it for days.  As an HRC supporter I knew she’d be good, but she exceeded my expectations. And it did hurt a little knowing she came this close…

HARD FOR A MOM TO WATCH

I had trouble watching it since Vivien was in a cranky mood and I gave her chocolate cake just so I could watch the speech that I told her, “is really important to mommy, and you can watch Diego in the other room if you want.” She proceeded to make a mess–I didn’t care–but Mark did, so he took the cake away prompting her to flail her body on top of mine. I kept pausing the opening movie and saying, “I said this is important to me!!” After a body blow to my back I jumped up, “that’s it, I said this was important to me.” I then ran to my room, shut the door behind me, and watched the speech by myself.

My stepdaughter Vanessa was more fortunate than I. She saw the speech from the upper reaches of the floor of the convention, where she said Bill Clinton was crying as Hillary spoke. I am so excited (i.e. jealous) that she actually got to be there. She sent me the above picture from her vantage point.

ROLE MODEL

I am so proud of Hillary for her accomplishments they are considerable. She didn’t win the democratic nomination, but she is more than ever her own iconic political figure and has established a standard for future woman candidates. What a great role model for our daughters. A woman educated, well spoken, and has the guts to take on the boys. After having gone through being publicly humiliated by her husband (I wish Elizabeth Edwards could have a similar triumph), she did what she exhorted in her speech, “to keep going.” Using Harriet Tubman was genius.

A FUNNY THING HAPPENED TO ME ON THE WAY TO THE NOMINATION…

And how about all the funny?  She had some great lines, “sisters of the traveling pantsuits,” Twin cities, “cause they are so much alike,” and how could you forget, “no how, no way, no McCain.” I spoke to a pro Hillary friend who said, “I can’t put an Obama sticker on my car, but I can put that line on my car, I’m going to make a bumper sticker out of the that.” The DNC should as well.

GET OFF HER BACK

She hit all the notes she needed to. Paying tribute to her campaign and her supporters, but so personally transitioning to the next phase, support for Obama. I loved it when she said, “were you in this campaign just for me?,” how magnanimous to take that tact. She rightfully placed the campaign in a larger context. (Hillary could have mentioned the Supreme Court as well, the only thing she did miss).

WALK IN THE PARK

Didn’t she look like she was having fun? Didn’t she make it look easy? If you watch like I do–on CSPAN– 90% of the speakers are not that great, the same old examples of sad people, no kicking up the crowd, or attacking the GOP. Hell the Democrats are going to get skinned next week!  Mark Warner, was okay, but no keynote, some good themes, but hardly going to fill the voter registration roles with that performance. The best opener and middle act for Hillary were Dennis Kucinich (congressman from Ohio, who I’ve always loved for speaking his mind and wanting to impeach Cheney), and Brian Schweitzer, Governor of Montana.

I don’t think anyone is going to top Hillary’s speech for me. One large factor is, none of them are going to be from the first EVER viable female candidate for President. I am looking forward to Bill and Biden tomorrow night. But, I might get a sitter and go to a friend’s house to watch that one.

Time Out Quiz

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Of all moms’ modern day nomenclature, one that is stated between parents as a given means of discipline is the “time out.” But, is it? The article I just linked here states that it is “very effective.” I am not so sure about “time outs.” I do use it when frustrated since society has pretty much agreed that flinging your kid across the room is a bad idea. But, I do find giving Vivien a countdown shapes her behavior up, even better. So what I do is something like this, “I am going to count to five and I expect you to be in your car seat…,1-2″ She stops climbing through the car and gets in her seat knowing the if she doesn’t get in her car seat, that “mean voice” is coming.

So, here is my first ever mom quiz/survey.  Weigh in on this one.  And watch out, “Play-dates, the time for your reckoning,” is coming soon.

Firsts

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This cracked me up from, “The Poop (great name),” about the writers first car. You never forget your first right? My first car was a 1976, Datsun 710. It not only had no AC, it had no heat, and no door handles. So, after a while the cranks to roll down the window also broke off. Nonetheless I was popular among my high school friends, because at least I had a car. Even if it meant we had to pick up the broken handles off the floor and stick them on the door to roll down the windows.

I just had another first. My stepson wrote me an email from his trip. He had seen a clip of me on “The Daily Show,” I was part of a montage about “cougars.” I had been commenting on it on “Showbiz Tonight,” on “CNN Headline News.” Even though for other reasons it has been a trying day, I was immediately perked up. It felt like I was in high school and a boy who I thought didn’t know I existed, suddenly pays attention to me. Especially cool if the boy looks like a Jonas brother. I felt like Sally Field accepting her Oscar in 1985, “You like me, you really like me!”

If kids only knew the power they yield.

Where It All Started

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It’s not often you can take a child back to the place where her mom was conceived. This summer I was able to do just that. On our way out of Yosemite we stopped for a snack in Tuolumne Meadows. Tuolumne Meadows is an area in Yosemite National Park, and incidentally a place where my folks told me years ago they decided to “start” me. I always liked that, thought it was cool that I could visit a beautiful place that inspired my parents to expand their family. I remember a friend of mine whose parents were teenagers when she was born said, “I’d have to go in the back of a ’65 Volkswagen.”

In college a rock-climbing friend of mine showed me a map of Tuolumne, and on it there is a “Daff Dome.” Whata ya know?

Now here I am with my daughter in Tuolumne taking an ice cream break.

I am still not exactly sure where “it,” happened but they said it was in a cabin.

Preschool Post Script

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I need to pick up the thread of a few earlier postings. Particularly ones where I got such supportive and helpful feedback from you all.

Well, last week was the first full week of no crying when I left Vivien at school. I stay about five minutes, give her a two-minute warning, and she says “bye” with no problem. When I pick her up at noon she is always having fun and no longer anxious to leave. If the kids remaining weren’t about to go to nap time she would stay longer.

(This picture did not capture her with a happy face, but really, she was happy to be going to school.)

We’ve had two playdates, with two of the kids from school. I really like the parents there. I was afraid I wouldn’t like the parents, because sometimes playgroups have not yielded the bosom buddies I had hoped for, but we seem to be of a similar food group. A group of women who had careers and scaled back a bit for motherhood, and are not 20. I would hate to be the oldest mom in the crowd. The dads are cool too, but just like when I was a kid in school, I’m always more focused on making girlfriends.

Anyway, for anyone about to go through sending your kid to school for the first time, you can get through it! Now, I have to remind myself that I can get through it as I conquer my next hurdles; potty training, followed by no bottle at bed time, and finally not staying with Vivien as she falls asleep. Ugh. I’m already overwhelmed.

Preschool Days 2 & 3: Mama Drama

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Day 2: After an hour of her not wanting me to leave, I bit the bullet and walked out. I walked out to her screaming and crying and begging and grabbing at my legs. I walked to the gate and didn’t turn around. One of the hardest thing I have ever done. Like I’ve been punched in the gut.

Childhood...
Creative Commons License photo credit: Jonny Thirkill

I had signaled the teaching assistant I was doing it. She was standing next to us, ready to attend to Vivien. I went to the grocery store and took the groceries home. A zombie. All those things I had been looking forward to doing with my new free time in the morning flew out of my mind. I just felt horrible. I thought she must hate me. When I got home, there was a squirrel in my house. We both screamed. It ran out of the window we shouldn’t have left open.

I drove back near the school and walked closely by to try to hear her screams. I didn’t. I walked around the neighborhood for one hour. At least I got some exercise, that had been on my list. I was going to rush in at one point, but called my mom and she talked me out of it. ”You are just going to prolong this,” she saod.  But it also showed it’s not crazy of Vivien or the other kids who cried when their parents left. I am arguably a middle-aged woman and in times of stress, I want my mommy too.

I called my friend Bonnie, I called my husband. Finally I sat in front of the school, again, just waiting to hear her voice or cry. When two parents from her class came up, they said I was not sitting by our kids, but a different class, so I wouldn’t have heard here anyway. We went in. I could see her happily having lunch. The teacher came over to us (they didn’t want the kids to see us yet). She said Vivien had cried for a few minutes and then played with two other kids. (Who had also cried earlier, maybe they are the sensitive crew.)  I went to where she was playing, about 15 minutes later.

I said, “are you ready to go home?”

Vivien said, “No, I want to stay.” I was so relieved and happy.

Mark is out of town, so I have to take her tomorrow, even though I have to bail even faster. God, I hope it goes okay.

And to think if Brad and Angie hadn’t had their kid on Monday, I wouldn’t have been able to have that experience with her.

Day 3: I went earlier so there were fewer kids and it was more tranquil. It’s a small room they start out in and it gets pretty hectic by 9ish. I stayed 30 minutes. Again, had to leave for work. I gave her a warning of leaving.  She took that fine.  But, when I said, “I’m going,” she flipped out again. Cried, grabbed, again the TA was standing by to pick her up. Vivien whacked her away, but the TA stayed with her. I walked out. As I walked to my car, I seriously thought I was going to throw up.

I drove 45 minutes to my shoot and blabbed to everyone who would listen about the preschool drama. I did a shoot on celebrity gift baskets. All that swag they get at gifting sweets. I said to my crew, “Let’s knock this out in one hour,” and we did. I was able to get back to Viv for the end of school. And again they said she had 2 minutes of crying and then was fine. She seemed fine. But tonight she said, “Mommy, no more school.”

I wasn’t going to send her 5 days this week, but now I think I should. Get her used to it…oh, gosh, I dunno. Also trying to set up some play dates with classmates, as she feels a familiarity with some of the kids.

You know, the other part that nags at me is I have a 14-year-old stepson who wants to spend very little time with us, and so I think, “Why am I pushing away this kid who wants to be with me?”

Preschool Day One Report: Stress

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It all started so well. Vivien picked out her outfit. Yes, not surprisingly she ditched the rubber boots fast, I had back up.

Vivien on her first day of preschool

And she was very pleased with her new lunch box. I had really been selling that as a cool thing and it seemed to be working. “Your lunchbox, for your school!”

Well, we get there and a lot of parents are trying to leave right away. Many are successful. A few need to hang back. I tried, but Vivien would start crying. So out of her three-hour day, I stayed 2 hours. I would have stayed more, but I did have to go to work.

There was one boy who was so undone, he cried almost nonstop for the entire two hours. I had a knot in my stomach from watching his big tears and sobs. It reminded me of how I was when I’d break up with someone in my 20s.

I insist on some space: “You go in the play yard, I’ll be over here.” Finally during the art project, which she really liked, I told her, “In 20 minutes, I’m leaving,” and then again at 2 minutes. She didn’t freak out. I kissed her, she didn’t freak, and I left.

My friend who works there said she sniffled a bit at lunch and wouldn’t eat. So much for the magic of the new Hello Kitty lunch pail. But when my sister and niece picked her up she was happy to see them and went and swam at my other sister’s house. I threw nap schedule out the window.

I got to work and found out that our show was being moved around this week due to accommodating a special on Brad and Angelina’s new babies.  Which was fine with me because it meant I didn’t have to work Tuesday morning and could take and pick up Vivien from school.  But, what I got my panties in a bundle about were what Brangelina named their daughter. Vivienne. Harrumph. Now every tabloid-reading pregnant lady is going to use some version of my daughter’s name. Which when she was born was not even in the top 1000 on the social security name list (my religion when I was pregnant was looking up names on that site) and Vivian (with an A) was about 250.

Now I like gazing at Brad and Angie as much as the next Star magazine (plug) reader, but I wanted Viv to have a tad offbeat name like my own… not really off, just a little.

I digress. so I am at work for about an hour, in an editing room with an editor and two producers.  The editor says, “How you doing?” A normal question. I burst into tears, “It’s–sob–my daughter’s first day–sob–at preschool.” You get the picture. They were nice. The editor says, “Of course it’s tough, and in 5 minutes she’s getting married.”

Last night I told Vivien we were going back to her school today. She said, “More school?  I don’t want to go.” Reaching for the phantom Valium again…

First Days at Preschool

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Yes, the first week of preschool is upon us. I was sure I would be bawling, and a friend of mine was sure she would be fine. But, it’s flipped. Partly because Vivien wouldn’t allow us to leave yet. This is the “transition week,” so I’m still daydreaming about free mornings.

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Creative Commons License photo credit: vitroids

Mark took her the first two days, since I was working, so I took her today. When she was jumping in my lap during story time, I tried to at least ease her on the rug in front of me to create some space. She did leave me for a while when buckets of toys were introduced. Also, we took the bus to school, which was a big hit, and ate Mexican food for lunch nearby, which made us both smile.

But come Monday, Mark and I will hang out for a bit and then try to bail to go to work. Mark says a friend told him to make it a game when we leave her at school on Monday. That the kid should push us out the door, with us saying, “Come on, push Mommy out the door!”

That might work for a more aggressive, independent kid. Not sure. But I’m just trying to sack up for leaving while she is crying. It’s not like I’m leaving her at a Russian orphanage, right? Moms that have gone through this already, do you have any strategies?