DILF

Anyone who knows me my credo is “I’m married, not dead.”  Yes, I’ve gone years in the most unattractive cargo like pants, stains on my shirt as my haggered face drops my kids off at school, having not YET had a shower.  But,  sometimes.. and more lately as my kids get older I remember THIS  ( touching my body) is MINE!!  I forgot about it.

So, whether it’s at a school function, at a park or a soccer game I’m not just thinking about my kids.

school volunteer burnout

It happens every June… I’m burnt out on volunteering at my kid’s school.  Also, I volunteer other places, but knowing Summer is in sight, that I’ve almost reached the mountain top makes me want to run screaming from the campus.

Also, Vivien is graduating from Elementary school and for months I’ve been part of a group putting that shing ding together.  I retired from beautification after 5 years, but got pulled back on fundraiser party committee, but the one thing I’m bound and determined to not do next year:  serve hot lunch.   Here is a video I did the first time I did it when Vivien was in kindergarten.

 

I need to do the update… I’m a veteran now.  I know what to do and which kids are going to be picky and which ones stare at the sky while I repeat, “do you want apples?  Do you want apples?  I said, Do you WANT APPLES?”  Sweeping the smashed food under the tables.  Ending the shift and realizing I only have 90 minutes before pick up.

Four more days…

Then in the fall I have to have the strength to just say no.

What are you looking forward to when school ends?

 

 

 

Mom hair cut

Oh, yes, I have been tempted over the years to hack off my hair. Have flirted with bangs.. could for hiding forehead wrinkles.

mom bangs

mom bangs

I’ve done shoulder length, but I still have long hair. even though it can be more work.

I cant' do my hair today... I .. can.. not

I cant’ do my hair today… I .. can.. not

Is it an age thing when you make the change?  Or is it motherhood?  Funny vide on the topic.. not mine, but SNL.  I saw myself a LOT in this.. See if you can relate.

Me with “The Cut”…almost

almost "The cut" with newborn Rex

almost “The cut” with newborn Rex

Click to see HERE

Sum recipes, sum changes

I keep thinking, well I USED to be on Food Network.  but, guess I’m still on cause my episode Sum Sum Summertime is on tomorrow.  It’s got some tasty stuff on it.  Chorizo sliders, chorizo slidersfish tacos… rock it!!  All recipes HERE

 

But, since I NOT filming new shows…right now, something else is cooking.. so to speak.  Me.

If this light was always on my I wouldn't have needed an eye job.  And by "need" I mean want.

If this light was always on my I wouldn’t have needed an eye job. And by “need” I mean want.

I’m laying low.. literally I am finally getting my long awaited eye job!  I’ve been wanting one for a long time and I’m not going to that BS of disappearing for two weeks and everyone says, “did you get bangs?  What’s different?”  I’ve been saving my acorns for this for a while and it’s a big middle-aged present to myself. But, I will not be laying low for long.  Oh, no.  I’m not hiding.  Just resting.

So, I’m feeling all Brian Wilson, on my back, on pain killers while my Chef husband hand feeds me home made pasta Carbonara ( for reals).  I’m feeling like maybe I’ll get my own pet sounds out of this.  Need to shut my eyes and rest, but soon enough I’ll show it all to you Fuchsia bruises and all!

As much as I hate when skinny celebs say “yes, I eat burritos and ice cream”, I’m not going lie about this.  Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all fish lips, change the planes of my face, just got a little “redundant skin” that has been bugging me  on my lids and a bit of “crepe” under.  I know gravity is not going to make better.   NO cheek implants, no over arched eyebrows.  But let’s say I did go all Mickey Rourke, whose to call it?  You know what, gender reassignment, tattoos, piercing, hair extension where is the limit?  Body as art, body as self-expression?  Or maybe just as simple as mom who recently discovered her own body, her own sexual self and is tossing out the granny gowns and doing something for herself.

 

To be continued…

 

Daphne Dishes…no more

Dear everyone who has ever been nice to me.  Last week I found out that Daphne Dishes is NOT getting a 3rd season on Food Network.  I am, of course, super bummed.  The ratings were good, but the daytime programming is very competitive, tight on their schedule.  They have been very kind and say they would like to find another place for me, but it won’t be this show.

Setting up a shot

Setting up a shot

I loved working with everyone on the show.  I can’t say it was a dream come true because I never would have that that 1) Food Network would ask me to do my own show 2) it was my own show 3) I could do it from my OWN home with with my Own kids.  I’m very grateful for the opportunity.

working with my kids was the be

working with my kids was the best

I worked really hard on the recipes and tried to give it my best even though I shot most of the episodes when I was either reeling from my brother’s suicide ( season 1) or done in by C diff ( season 2).  Craig Anderson at Concentric was more than a producer, but a dear family friend.  The whole crew was.

Craig directs the kids

Craig directs the kids

David, food stylist, a sweetie and also works on Pioneer Woman's show.

David, food stylist, a sweetie and also works on Pioneer Woman’s show.

 

My first priority was making sure my kids were well taken care of and they were.  Even when I was in NYC last year and met with the heads of the network and Harriet Siew who found me ( Thanks Harriet).  Rex and Vivien were with me and they were giving them things to take and play with.  Everyone should feel so welcome with their kids in a workplace!

such pros!

such pros!

I would have loved to tell more funny stories, to make more food,

my pea soup

my pea soup

to impart more things I’ve learned as a home chef with some professional experience and influence, and a very supportive chef husband!

Thank you for watching.

 

Aint’ nobody here but us chickens!

by @nylaportraits

by @nylaportraits

 

We have taken the leap!  We are urban chicken farmers.  We have been talking for years about getting chickens. We have a big yard.  Mark has had them before.  He knew what not to do: have a rooster that makes your neighbors mad.

One day our friend Larry the landscaper texted Mark that a family was selling their chickens, coop and all.  An orthodox Jewish family who were moving to Vegas for a lower cost of living.  No use taking the chickens to Nevada when they already have the Chicken Ranch!

Mark came home with 6 chickens which the kids promptly named.  I heard “Steve” and “Dutchess” and then lost track.  Our two story chicken coop is easy to move around the yard so no one part of the yard gets all the fertilizer!

Cody in a friendly mood

Cody in a friendly mood by @nylaportraits

Upside: Eggs!  About 5 eggs a day.  Which challenges Mark and I to keep working on more egg dishes.  Frittatas, quiche and last night a souffle!  (should I get my cholesterol checked?)

if a frittata and a quiche had a baby it would look like this

if a frittata and a quiche had a baby it would look like this

 Here is a recipe for ham and egg fried rice from my Food Network show Daphne Dishes.  Which by the way.. is repeating every Saturday at 8am.  And no, no word on a pick up so I think that’s no, but dunno :(

We have gone to some of our neighbors and gifted them with our fresh eggs.

Hey neighbors, want some eggs?

Hey neighbors, want some eggs?

Our chickens are free range and are on a vegetarian diet so they live better than me.  Well except for sleeping on their excrement.

It’s also been a good lesson in responsibility for my kids.  They have cottoned to the chores associated with the chickens more than they ever did with Cody.  Let them out in the morning, check their water and feed.  Put them in the coop and lock the door so the raccoons don’t get em.

Speaking of Cody.  He is sometimes fascinated by the hens.  But, other times his primal side comes out and he starts chasing them.  He never hurts them, but scares the chickens and causes them to squawk and jump on the fences.  Then we take him up to the house or put him on a leash.

So, if you are in the area, come and get some eggs!

 

stealth vlogger: homework

As my kids get older I’m less comfortable with blogging about them directly.  Vivien is savvy enough to say to me now when I take a picture “Don’t post that”.  Poor kid.

So, it’s been harder to figure out how to pivot coolmom to still be relevant to parents.  This tussle has lead me to not post at all sometimes.  So, thanks to the 4 of you for bearing with me as I figured this out.

One thing that has been getting to me recently is HOMEWORK.  I hate homework.  I come home with the kids btw 3:45 and 4:15 and it’s the time of the day I’m my MOST exhausted and I hae to say, “no screen time till you do your homework”  The wrestling begins.

But, I’m an alternative school kid and I don’t even believe in homework most of the time.  My kids need to chill and isn’t better if I let them just start to play creatively?  One day I did and they turned my driveway into a delightful homeless encampment.

sort a Gilligan island

sort a Gilligan island

 

They took empties out of the recycling to make a it look like a home.  Clearly they used the palms for a tropical thing.  But, most days are more like the following video.

So, here is a quick one I did recently.  Because if I do something as a mom and don’t blog about it, did it really happen?

Hence why so many moms are winos.

 

 

 

how to take a good picture

So, as often happens with mom bloggers I’m not sure where I’m going with this.  I don’t have the back up right now to do videos and it’s a crowded market now that is much harder to monetize.  I also think my kids need more privacy as they get older.  So, for now I think what I can offer is how to take a good picture.

Well, today at least… I liked this vid.  More later.

holiday body- return of Muffinlicious

Okay, I’m not at prime muffin top right now since I lost weight being sick, but in general this is not the time of year where we feel svelte.  Drinking, sweets, roast meats, plus when it’s colder our bodies are covered up and layered.  Only that lucky dude who we picked up for the cold months or a husband gets to see any flesh. ( in fact, got dolled up recently and felt great being a tad thinner)

Daphne Dressed up

Daphne Dressed up

Make sure it looks nice, like this picture my friend took in Joshua Tree.  In the winter the stubble can grow fast.. legs, underarm, chin.vagina rock

Anyway, I got a ‘fan’ message recently saying that they loved my muffin top.  A newish friend thought that was an odd compliment.  That’s when I realized she hadn’t seen my one bona fide viral video and didn’t know that we need to embrace our muffin top!  Something to grab and hold.  So, encore!   Happy Holidays