abused driver

I’m so glad I have been doing this blog since early ’08 or else I would remember NOTHING.  It keeps me honest.  The other day I was really unfair to my son.  He was pelting me with sticks, kicking my seat, shoes were flying into the front seat and I said,

“Vivien never did this!” My daughter smug, “yeah, Rex it’s dangerous to throw things at mommy while she is driving.”

Well, we were wrong. She did do it.  Here is the proof.  Why don’t I remember that?  Why do I think her behavior as a nine year old is how she was at 3?  Am I sexist against boys? Biased towards my daughter?  Am I just brain dead?

no wonder I hate mother’s day

This is what my mother’s day looked like..real mothers day

Well, that’s not fair, I also had vomit on my pink P.j’s from when Rex threw up on me.  But, I’m sparing you a photo of that. No awkward brunch with corsage, no red roses, no sachet.

It would all be a day’s work, but being told it’s “MOTHER’S DAY” makes me cranky.  Same way Valentine’s day makes you think your in a crap relationship, when it’s just normal.  Expectations.

Mark is working hard, quite rightly, new business.  As he was rushing out the door in the AM I pleaded for some coffee, toast, NY Times and he complied.  The kids were great for 2 hours because they had a friend over.  Hey, this is ok. My stepson called me which the biggest gift that he can give me, he knows my number! (see desperate stepmom seek connection)  Then when the friend left my little ones turned on each other like demons.  Though to be fair.  I made it worse.  They would settle into a show, a game what have you and after a bit I would check in on them.  My presence was a catalyst for them turning on each other.

“I’m going to leave you guys alone” I said as I walked out of the room for 2 hours.  No fighting. I’m the problem.

In the evening things had settled down, we were watching Season Finale of one of our favorite shows, “Once upon a Time”.   Okay, day has it’s grace notes.  Then Rex threw up on me.

Well, I don’t like red roses anyway.

 

Daphne Dishes is Back!

Season two baby, Season 22222!  Super Excited to officially announce my show is coming back!!!

JUST Finished shooting most of the show.. hence, lame on posting… It returns with more food, more laughs, more Rex and Viv on June 7th Sunday at 11:30 on the Food Network.  Yeah, that’s right.   Although right now it’s on reruns on Sunday at 10:30am  ( set your DVR to ease confusion)

what me have a cooking show?

what me have a cooking show?

The charming folks at Concentric Entertainment were back to produce.  Actually it was all the same folks except my brother’s long lost friend Barbie was on hand to also work on the show. Barbie takes the kids to school so mommy can get into make up I wanted her on board, not only because she is a hard worker, smart, but I was a tad bit afraid of PTSD considering the tragedy that befell the night before we shot the last shoot and wanted someone who knew us near ( totally get how people like Elvis get an entourage).  Thankfully grinding intestinal upset was the only problem ( that’s another post) on this season.shooting daphne dishes

It was a challenge to get recipes together for 13 episodes, especially since my number one advisor, my chef husband, is working non stop on his newly opened eatery, Bombo.  However the work I did helping him get that open did inform some of my recipes and I have one episode titled “Steam Power” where I riff off the steam kettle power that generates most of the dishes at Bombo to change the way we do home cooking.

lunch break at Bombo with my the gals who make me look good wardrobe Lauren Francis, hair and make up Crystal Bernal. On our "on location" day at Grand Central Market in downtown LA

lunch break at Bombo with my the gals who make me look good: wardrobe Lauren Francis, hair and make up Crystal Bernal. On our “on location” day at Grand Central Market in downtown LA

I hope you like this next season.  I felt like I finally started to get it this season.  How to cook, host, look at camera, stir a bowel so the cameraman can see it, etc.  It’s a trip.

 

TV Time with Daph and Viv

Nothing like bonding with your kids over TV shows, right? Well today it’s one of my basic cable faves.. even if I think the producers need a make over. That’s right House Hunters International. Also, they always talk about all the entertaining they are going to do. Who you having over? You don’t know anyone in this new place? Except for that chubby friend the producers made you drag along.

Basement Vacation

Ah, the joys of home ownership.  Just when we felt like we were getting ahead. Paying the bills and I was starting to fantastize about a trip this summer our water heaters were about to burst.  Along with some other ancillary issues that wiped out that nest egg!

Maybe renting and sticking some landlord with these upkeep bills is worth the industrial carpet and lack of freedom to paint a wall.

Mark and I could lament this money pit called home ownership, or we could adjust our thinking…  If my friends could see me now!!!

white flour fantasy

So, I’m trying to lose my grief weight and it’s not easy when the deeper I get into my 40’s my metabolism seems to slow at a logarithmic rate.   Give up wine.. no.  Give up white sugar, mostly I can do that, fine. Exercise, fine, helps stop the voices in my head.  So, I needed another restriction.  I chose no white flour.  No pasta, pizza, that’s tough.  But, I’m really missing it in the morning.  Bread products are the only things that settle my tummy in the morning and they are quick.

I can have very vivid romantic dreams.  It’s the safe way to cheat when you are married.  Well, two night ago I had a very explicit dream…about a buttered bagel.   It was warm, shiny, I couldn’t wait to eat it. I woke up and it was like I had been with Idris Elba or Scott Foley.  Oh, I just want to get thin enough to eat it for real!

Hotties...

Hotties…

Hot and Brit

Hot and Brit

way hotter than that dopey president

way hotter than that dopey president

My body might be getting adjusted to it’s new simple carb deprived body.  I had a fantastic dream with George Clooney.  We were in that new dating, flirting mode that I can distantly recall.  I ran my hand up under his shirt.  He was smiling.  It was on.  Next thing I knew I was trying hang gliding and Mark was telling me to get up.  “it’s 7:30!”  My alarm went off at 6:50.

“Leave me alone”  I wanted to savior the last few minutes I squeeze out of my dream brain.

In the kitchen I sleepily made some unsweetened oatmeal.  Thinking of the man of my dreams and the bread product of my dreams.

 

 

he was dressed more casually for me last night

he was dressed more casually for me last night..but he didn’t have a bagel

wanting to watch My shows

I’m about to hit the road for a few days, so let me give you this vintage nugget.  It’s only a couple years old, but with netlfix, ipads, it seems quite retro.   When Rex was smaller he made it so I couldn’t watch the shows I want to watch when my kids go to sleep.

He is so cute here, yet so diabolical!  Happy long weekend

My Dream Diagnosis

You ever go into a drawer, a box, your sister’s closet and find an article of clothing you forgot you had?  Well, sometimes I forget about videos I’ve made.  I’ve done over 500.  Here is one I tripped over and it was never tagged, promoted, etc so it only has 56 views.  That’s probably just from my mom.

In it I do part of bit I did when I was doing stand up when I was pregnant with Vivien.  A big belly is a great sight gag.  Here I’m pregnant with Rex.  You can hear that baby pressing on my lungs.  I’m gasping like Dom Deluise.  What I can’t figure out is why me and my camera man lined up the shot the way we did..right next to the pile of junk on my desk.  Oh, now I remember I knew I was going to be out of commission soon with Rex coming and we shot 20 videos in one day!

Anyway… here is one of the best things a doctor could tell a woman: