good moms don’t have clean cars

This vintage coolmom was the tip of the ice berg.  (Look at little Vivien!  Where is that cute day dress I’m wearing?  Oh, yeah it got stained and I had to throw it away and the makers of the dress went under during the recession, now I remember).

Now, with two kids and permissive snack schedule my car cannot even be detailed.  What gets me is when the kids complain about it being messy!  Um, I let you eat food in here, of course it’s dirty!. Plus, muddy shoes, lost wrappers, etc.  There is so much spilled milk in that car that a friend of Vivien has strong food allergies had to pull out her inhaler after I picked her up for a playdate.  That’s bad.  I’m making a child sick with my messy car.

It use to be glorious.  in ’06 it was a brand new Lexus.  I still love the way it drives and it’s PAID for so I’m driving it till it can’t drive no more.  Recently, Lexus wrote me saying it would give a great deal on a new Lexus if I traded this one in.  Huh, they don’t know what they are asking for back!  Do they have an ice scraper to get the baked on crud off the back seat? Do spilled drinks in the cup holders mixed with sun screen ever come back out?  Why would I take on a car payment for a car that will remain a cheerio wagon for years to come.

Now, I get why as soon as I left for college my mom had a new set of living room furniture delivered.  Oy, don’t get me going on my couch…..one day I’ll torch it.

is Summer over yet?

Day 4 of my son home from school.  Yesterday was fine.  I took him on my quarterly golf outing.  He was pretty good and it’s not a morning I expected to be productive.  My golfing buddy was charmed by him and he loved washing the balls.washing golf balls

We went out to lunch and he was good and tuckered after 9 holes.  As we neared home I thought, “boy he sure is quiet.”  When I turned around I saw this is how he had gone to sleep.funny kid pictures

But, today the mischievous, wild man is working me. While I try to work, he climbs on me, screams in my ear, I got smacked around a little.  I took away his TV time ( mistake, made it worse), tried a time out.  He got out.  I finally put him in the backyard and shut the door. Lordy, I’m just trying to work a bit, trying to make a couple of nickels in a world that charges way too much for health insurance. Wait, not world.  Country.

Little scamp is now ringing the back door bell which makes the dog bark loudly.  It’s like he wants me to be poor.

Keep it up kid, enjoy community college.

Spouse underfoot?

When I did this video Mark was recuperating from surgery.  Now that he is consulting and catering he is home a lot more.  I guess I must adjusted to having my husband around more.  But, as the saying goes, I married you for life not for lunch.  Sometimes you need your space. If only so I can catch up on “The Good Wife”.

Right?

what family travel really looks like

A recent three day trip for a cousin’s wedding and a sojourn to Legoland gave us red cheeks and smiles.  Well, my husband’s whole body became red.  I think I’m faking it as a white person as I never burn.  Perhaps my cousin’s genealogy digging that says we are part Cherokee has something to do with it.

I honestly enjoyed our trip.  But, it never quite looks like the brochure.  For instance, here is us eating out.eating out with kids

I’m happy he ate almost half of his grilled cheese.

waiting at lego water parkThere is my family cold in the wind waiting for the big slide at Legoland water park.  While I enjoy the water park I had changed into my clothes at this point.  The have a pretty laconic system for getting people on rides there.  Isn’t there a former Disneyland staffer they can hire to consult?

lego land hotel restaurantThe happening scene at the Legoland hotel bar.  The staff was kind as we coached them how to make a good Manhattan. But, they are handicapped as there is no rye or proper Maraschino cherries Kept thinking a good sketch would be someone accidentally coming to this lounge thinking it was a good place to pick up a woman.

jousting ridelook over here Vivien!, Over here.

jousting rideRex, over here, look at mommy.  Look at mommy.  Oh, forget it.knight tourney ride

Um, are we sure that’s safe?

legoland hotel

The second day was well capped with face painting and photo op with Captain Beard heart… or something like that.

In the brochure version of amusement parks they look like this

fake familyUm, they look mighty unencumbered.  Does that mom have a sherpa?  Because I had a back pack, purse, hat, sunglasses.  Mark carried towels and a clothes line.

Here is our real action shot:awkward family photo

I think Mark fares best here.  He looks like a politician.

Always nice to come home and shower after marinating in pee warm water with the masses.  Besides, even pirates need a rest.sleeping pirate

Lyogging ( a new word)

 

So the good news is the pain I had last week in my throat has abated considerablly, the bad news is I have mono.  Doctor says I’ll be fatigued for about a month.  I’m already tired, but now above the motherhood reason.  So I wanted to blog, but I need to go to bed.  So, thus Lyogging is born.  Lying down and blogging.

 

motherHere is the kind of crack analysis I’m doing from home right now. (you hit the “here” word)

So, Mono is passed through saliva, kissing, sharing utensils, cups, etc.  Here is where I think I got it… I was slaving away at the school fundraiser, auction, hoopla.  I find it kind of miserable.  There was almost no food and I had to do the live auction portion where no one was listening to me so I shamed friends from the stage into listening, “Phyllis, Phyllis I see you!”  It wasn’t really their fault as it was bad acoustics, but I was going to hell and taking everyone with me.  So, I was thirsty and traumatized.  A couple of times I grabbed some bottles of water and I was pretty sure they were not MY waters, but I was wiped.  So, it could have happened there.  Or maybe some barista was mad I didn’t throw a dollar in karma jar and spit in my coffee, who knows?  ( there is no instant karma and the suggestion that my good fortune is being held hostage by a pierced twenty something who majored in philosophy annoys me)angry barista

Last week I was in deep throat pain. ( Wait, that didn’t sound right.)  I missed out on the     “Chef” film screening we were invited to.  Mark liked it.

I’m not totally incapacitated.  I will rally for things I have to.  For instance, my cousin’s son wedding.  I’ll throw on some lipstick for that one.  As I was trolling their registry it reminded me of the vid I did about wedding china.  Which I think is funny, but dang worth it, for that little Rex! One of the hardest things about Mono is holding back kissing these little cuties!

Sadly, I doubt many caught in the California fires had a chance to grab their china.  It’s really global warming exhibit A right now.  I grew up here and IT”S NEVER been this hot in May.  In fact our June gloom usually starts in May.  It’s Flipping Scary.  Other than turning off lights I’m a little stymied as how I can help our world not become a permanent inferno. Then king dumbass Marco Rubio said he doesn’t “believe” that humans contribute to global warming. Science isn’t a belief, junior.  He also said he is ready to be president.  He can’t mean our country, he must mean Florida Kiwanis.  If they’ll have him.

Oh, geez,  that guy is a Senator? Too sad.  I better go back to bed.. back to lyogging