This is kind of a vlog version of my “In Appreciation Of Non-Mom Friends”
Don’t get all Jamie Lynn Spears on me single ladies and overly glamorize motherhood. Do those cute celeb moms talk about how it’s about 2 years before you can take a crap in private? No. It’s not for everyone and I’ll tell you why.
I have a theory on adults: whether married or single, pretty or ugly, rich or poor, we are all sitting on our couches alone watching TV. It is no wonder there are so many lonely isolated people in this world. With the Olympics, at least for two weeks I have an excuse to be a sloth.
Oh wait, the political conventions start soon. The sloth continues!
Okay, let’s sort out this whole kiddie party thing, shall we? Does anyone remember having big gift bags when they were kids? I think it’s a spillover from celebrity gifting suites for award shows. If kids gift bags get any bigger we are going to have to pay taxes on them.
Have you ever gotten invited to a big kiddie party, where you don’t know any adults accept the host? Torture. I’ve had to pass on a fair bit of kiddie of parties because they are smack in the middle of naptime, and it’s just not worth it. I went to one that was great and it was great, partly because it wasn’t too big. I actually could sit. There is nothing worse than having nowhere to sit.
What are the highs and lows?
So a while ago I said to Nikki, my executive producer of the Fashion Team, “I can’t believe this show can’t get me some free BOTOX.” A few days later she called and asked if I was serious; there was a segment they wanted to do and I could get free BOTOX by a reputable Beverly Hills doctor who has been on Extreme Makeover (a show I always loved) on TV. I said, “Why not? I’m going to tell everyone anyway.” I would never pull a Star Jones and conceal I lost half my body. I can’t keep much of a secret. If someone compliments my outfit I can’t just say “thank you” – I have to say, “TJ Maxx, $25!”. Maybe I’ll be classy when I grow up.
Anyway, it was done by Dr. Jon Perlman. It felt like tiny little pricks. Waxing is a hundred times more painful. Not only would I do it again, I might even pay for it.
Let’s face it, the shows our kids watch permeate our souls! Lately, Vivien’s number ones have changed to Max & Ruby (big, big fave) and The Upside Down Show. My sister Cecily says, “You always like what your bunny likes.” But not always… hence this vlog about the Berenstain Bears. (Also Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!… I started to avoid that one. Too fast.)
Are there some that you like and some that just bug?
Lately Vivien has started to call herself Super Vivien. By extension I am Super Mommy, which I love. Mark is Super Dad. It is empowering for everyone involved. She has gotten this moniker because one of the books I read her is SuperCat. A great story, about a SuperCat who helps little animal people (you know they are animals, but they have human qualities like in all children’s books and cartoons) find their blankies or… I don’t want to give away the ending.
If you are Super like Vivien or Super Nanny, I think it means you are powerful, self-assured and can fix any situation. I’m glad Vivien feels like that. I must not, or why else would I like Super Nanny?
Remember when going to the movies was fun? Yeah, I barely do as well. When Vivien was a newborn I could take her, but now it’s totally not possible. And then there are the competing interests, what a 14 year old wants to see is different than what I or my elderly dad might want to see. But, one day I decided to try and please everyone and we all headed to the movies. Since my dad has difficulty walking and is eating himself toward a stroke, going to a movie is one of the few activities that make sense for him. I may never be the same.
Older moms can so relate to the first few minutes of Baby Mama when Tina Fey’s character talks about how by concentrating on her career she will be the oldest mom in preschool. Her character is 37, which in my daughter’s circle would make her one of the younger moms. That’s right old moms, we are not alone! It’s a little painful when you do the backward math and realize how old a child of yours would be if one resulted from when you were first sexually active. Oh, well. Here’s my ruminations on not being a child bride.
At my alternative school, about a quarter of the population hopped on the city bus and ditched to see the opening day of “Empire Strikes Back.” Now, there is a new movie event in my life: “Sex and the City.” Can’t wait. I have to see it at the first opening because I expect bad reviews, and I don’t want any thing to rain on my parade. I mean, reviews, hah! What do they expect? “War and Peace”? If nothing else I want to see the clothes. Take that, Napoleon.