It’s the sound that dare not speak it’s name…
It’s the sound that dare not speak it’s name…
sorry not funny this one…
A few years ago if I was in Ireland I would have died.
My husband would be a widower.
When I was about 16 weeks pregnant when I miscarried. The woman in Ireland who died had miscarried at 17 weeks. The first couple of days I didn’t feel that different physically. Emotionally I was a wreck. The baby to be was a little girl. They had said she was healthy. I had made a long list of names. We had told my stepchildren about her.
Guided by denial and bad advice I didn’t immediately get a D and C. Instead I hemorrhaged in the Ferry Building in San Francisco, in a hotel, in Napa. I wore 3 adult diapers on the flight back home, after my doctor screamed at me to come home, that were soaked with blood. I went into a very painful labor.
I was rushed to the ER. I have NEVER felt that kind of pain. I was screaming, “please help me, please help me.” as I was put under. I woke up hours later still screaming for help, but soon realized the absence of pain in my body. The absence of the fetus that was going to be my second daughter. I didn’t mourn her at that moment, I was so happy to be free of pain and alive. I was hooked up to a packet of blood. I had lost so much blood I was getting transfusions ( thank you nameless people who donated your blood).
I was very weak. People needed to help me with Vivien. I was also starting to get very emotional about having lost the baby.
the video I did about the aftermath back in ’08
However, I was alive. I lived and because of that Rex lived.
IF I was in Ireland I could have died, or any of the backward countries who put religion, politics, and all the rest disguised misogyny BEFORE the health of a women.
IF you have not yet read the story of this woman who died in Ireland, please do so now. This is a human rights issue. The media is making me CRAZY. They say she was denied an “abortion”. That is a political term for dilation and curattage. She had had a miscarriage. The doctors refused to do a D and C. This lovely woman could have been like me. She could have lived. She could have gone on to have a healthy pregnancy.
I’m so glad I live in America. I’m so glad that we have an awareness of not letting religion dominate our laws. Have the Anti Choice brigade made inroads to limit reproductive freedom here like in Kansas? Yes, sadly they have. It’s up to us to make sure that it doesn’t go further.
A doctor should do what he needs to do in order to save his patient. Not to please a deity.
It makes me cringe when I hear “Moms have the hardest job in the world.” No, not people like me with healthy kids. However, parents with kids with severe disabilities, now that is tough ( and people taking care of elderly as well). A kid throwing a tantrum is annoying. Having a child who will never live independently is crushing.
A mom friend who has three children, one of whom is severely disabled made this video. It’s really lovely and meant to inspire parents who have the toughest job. But, the words the hold up in pictures they sent to her are inspiring to anyone who has just had the hand of fate slap them hard across the face.
Oh, here is a segment from my new morning show. Now, when people pitch me guests I usually say NO. They think I should go to them. No, not even for name celebs. I say, “If they will come to my house I’ll do it.” Well, the only one to take me up on this since Kristi Yamaguchi is Sara Chana. She is a lactation specialist who I interviewed in an office on the way to pick up Rex near his school. She was a hit, so when they ( her people) said she had more to talk about I said, “yes, if she will come to my house.” So, she did.
After our last meeting it ended up my former neighbor and friend Esther had her second baby delivered by Sara. Small world. That little boy is now 3 and I owe him a present. Sara is a pistol. She is the Joan Rivers of herbs and lactation.
So, besides knowing about breasts, Sara is an herbalist and she has ideas about protecting the skin from sun. Especially about a natural way to care for a sun burn.
Watch for the issues with my crew here. Can’t have been union.
Agony plus times equals comedy? Yeah, well I jumped the time part. This has been going on for me for a few days. First I only told my husband, then my kids had to know. ”Why is mommy going to bed before us with bourbon and a hot compress?”
Now, I’m telling the world. While I filmed this the pain was still great. But, like other hardships in my life, losing all our money, stuff like that, all I can do is find the humor ( that and crawl into the fetal position in my closet and cry).
The whole point is I’m not alone, right? We are the world that can help each other
update: Yes, I know you have been very concerned with my butt. So after I shot this video went to a dermatologist and had to lie on my tummy while he examined my butt cheek. As painfully embarrassing as this was it was made easier by the doctor who said, “I have had this” ( he begged me not to use his real name). It was not a zit, but a cyst. Infected. Gnarly. Shots, cutting, another shot and I have to go back for more butt cheek treatment in a couple of days. The nurse who bandaged me up said, “I had this a couple of months ago.” What? Never knew these butt cheek cysts were so rampant. According to Dr. “Smith” they are common because it’s “a dirty place”. I usually hover over toilets when I’m in public, but I think I will try to hover at home as well.
But, the message of ballad is even more important. Had I not gotten over my embarrassment and sought medical treatment the doctor said I could have end up in the ER.
I don’t often interview folks here on Coolmom. But, if someone is going to talk about crusty, bloody nipples, I’m in! I don’t interview many people mostly, because they don’t appear in my kitchen. If they did I would interview lots of people. But, recently a PR gal asked if I wanted to interview Sara Chana, “international board-certified lactation consultant, birthing instructor, classical homeopath and herbalist can guide your viewers from adolescence, through pregnancy and childbirth on to menopause.” Well, that’s a lot to cover and since I don’t like any video that goes on longer than 2.5 minutes I would most like to talk lactation. Sara, is also the mother of 7.
Would she appear in my kitchen? No, but she could appear at her PR gal’s office blocks from Rex’s pre school. So, before pick up I threw the tripod and my Z18 kodak camera and off I went. We talked on the roof, and we were back lit and I didn’t bring my clamp for my camera light! But, next time I try to be coolmom reporter I’ll do better.
Meanwhile, check out the energetic Sara telling me something about lactation I didn’t know. Which is something as I nursed both of my kids past two years.
For more on this plucky educator go to her site
Following hot on the heels of showing you all my gut I’m baring another embarassing aspect of motherhood. For Momversation I am talking about one of those “no one told me THIS was going to happen.” The dirty parts of motherhood. If you want the clinical talk about pee and mom’s you can find it here. I’m about the experience.
Don’t hang me out to dry! C’mon, you know it has happened to you.