Singular Magazine

Take me home country road! Oh, anyone who knew me back in my pre-married days knew there was no one who knew how to be single like yours truly. I climbed on top of some nice looking men, traveled, went out for the fun of it, and had a wide circle of friends. Now, I’m a borderline shut-in whose friends are those who comment on this site. Oh well.

So, I do get sent things all the time from companies and such in the hopes that I will blog about them.  I rarely have. I just can’t seem to figure that out. Ironically, this magazine arrived not as a pitch for a blog, but as a sample subscription. Like they had my name from the way-back years.

Sadly, presently I could sooner relate to Aspirational Housecoats.

Why Don’t They Leave Me Alone?

Okay, start up the Vidder Awards, cause this vid should get one. I know, not nice to brag. But I think this is a good one. Trying to change it up a little.

Also, my pasty white, slab of a belly is in its full flower here!

Programming note: the teddy bear is a stand in for Rex.

After you watch it, tell me if you can’t relate. I mean, come on people!

Motherhood Ages You Like the Presidency

Spent some extra time in the editing room for this one.

Ironic having aging and presidency in the title after the death of the last patriarch of the Kennedys. But am i the only one that has noticed this phenom? Other than smoking and having Irish skin, I don’t know of anything that can age you more quickly than being president or being a mom. Another reason to have a woman president, what if one person were both!

Though I think it’s the early years… and months… that really do it to a gal. And waging wars we should have never entered into, that can really deepen the lines in the crows feet… and the soul.

Fake Tans

Sometimes it’s good to be a phony. I have long been a fan of the fake tan and never more than since this report came out. Everybody out of the pool! Or rather, in the pool and out of the tanning bed. Sorry George Hamilton, but we can’t follow suit. As a real pale face who spent her teens in the ’80’s, I well remember going to Santa Monica beach with my girlfriends and lathering ourselves with baby oil. My friend Jennifer (there were several of those) said, “Get your tummy ta,n and it makes it look flat.”

It’s good for moms that the over-tan look is frowned upon now, since I don’t know about you, but I am a borderline shut-in.

I Want a Flunky!

It can’t all be recession talk right? We need to look forward! Visualize our coming prosperity. Money is great to have for so many reasons; well, here I discuss one of the less talked about reasons why it would be great to have money. Or “f- you” as I like to think of it… so much money you can have whatever you want.

Other than the greatest hits, (roof over head, good schools, chocolate) what are some off-beat things you would like with your future lottery winnings?

What to Say

(Note: Not the original intro I had written. See below for ensuing sh*t storm.)

Okay, this was my attempt to do a twist on the vlog I did post miscarriage “What NOT to say” about hurtful things people said to me after that. This is what TO say because I found it was hard when people didn’t say anything after we found out we had been robbed and had to sell our house.

Frankly, this vlog was not as successful as the one I patterning it after. I think I tried to cram too much in. But the take-away for me to remember is: if someone’s misfortune is uncomfortable to you, imagine how it is for them.

Not that I’m always succesful at this… work in progress.

Back to Working Out

Well, besides wanting to lose the baby weight, I will say that exercising has helped with my “we were robbed” blues. Gotta keep those endorphins up. This is part of the batch I taped right before my move. Enjoy the last looks at my old house. And half of that furniture is in storage.

But, about my waistline…

White Trash Couch

Well, we are wrapping up “Madoff Week” here on Cool Mom. Our money being stolen caused one behavioral change in me: how I reacted to Vivien getting furniture or rugs dirty. Before I would be like, “Oh, Vivien, you need to be more careful.” The first week after we found out the trajectory of our lives was up for grabs, I practically cried if she spilled on my couch, “Vivien, this cost mommy a lot of money” (when she had it).  “Please no more food near my couch.” (I started calling everything ‘mine,” taking it all personally).

Then I realized that having a 3 year old and wanting to preserve furniture that I could no longer afford to replace was setting us up for failure. So, this was my temporary solution. A little later, the couch you see was loaded up and sits in my mother in law’s spare room. I had two couches; now I only have room for one. And there is NO eating on it. The good thing about a small house is Vivien can see the TV from our dining room… and the computer… and the toaster… you get the picture.

I Am a Madoff Victim

This has been the hardest blog post for me to do. When I vlogged about my miscarriage that was challenging, but this has other layers to it. By revealing about how we were robbed, how we are part of possibly the largest financial fraud in US History, I am not only disclosing my own life, but the life of my family. I didn’t blog about this before for many reasons. Chief was absolute shock. Then, it was too painful to discuss except with very close friends. I still have some friends I haven’t told. Sometimes it exhausts me too much to do so. Then when I wanted to blog about it, my husband didn’t want me too. I think like anyone who has either been in mourning or been the victim of a crime there are the stages you go through. For me this was both. We were robbed. Someone sits in jail right now because of what has happened to us and thousands of others. And it has altered the trajectory of my life. Many assumptions that I made are no longer valid. To have a secure retirement gave me a buoyancy I no longer possess. I would like that back.

I also didn’t want to blog about it if it was just for me to vent. I didn’t start this online adventure to be a Dear Diary, but I have been touched by comments that some of you have made on this site about your own struggles with the economy. So, I thought maybe by doing this we could help each other through a historical low. One of my initial reactions when we heard that our money was gone was to beat myself up… and my husband. We should have been more diversified ( we were, but not enough), we should have done this or that. And it did help when we realized that we were not part of a small fund like we had been led to believe, but a world wide one where people more savvy or richer than us were also robbed. Mort Zuckerman, Kevin Bacon, Steven Spielberg. And also better people than us, Elie Wiesel (who steals from Holocaust survivors?!)  I also started to hear from friends and neighbors how they too thought they might need to sell their house or move in with relatives, and it was for other reasons than our own, a real estate deal gone south, unemployment.

So, going forward I’m in a sense catching you all up with what I have been personally struggling with for the last 6 months. There is so much to say about this. But I’m still going to have some funny blogs and funny videos, because my whole life comedy has meant a great deal to me. It is healing (remind me to tell you about doing improv for chronic pain patients), and it has dictated my entire career to me. And like the saying goes, tragedy plus time equals comedy.

Have you heard about the pregnant lady who found out she had been robbed? Ah, yeah, not funny yet.