Breastfeeding Chuckles

This falls right under the category of “Why didn’t I write this?” I felt the same way when I read the title of Chelsea Handler’s book, “My Horizontal Life.” (Although, then I read it and her horizontal life was filled with more boozes and lies than mine was, but great title.). Now, a title that fit’s with my mom life, “If These Boobs Could Talk.” As a committed breastfeeder for over 2 years I certainly could have come up with some humor to write down. But then there is that darn follow through thing!  Well, these ladies did it, bless their heart.

bonding
Creative Commons License photo credit: brooklyn

Here is their top ten:

Top 10 Things Breastfeeding Boobs Would Say

1. Since when are we open 24 hours?

2. Get the soothing gel. Get it now.

3. Sir, this is a “Babies Only” zone.

4. Kid, how can you not see our nipples when they’re the size of paper plates?

5. Woo hoo! We’re spraying across the room!

6. Wow, we look spectacular!

7. Wait, now we look like old gym socks.

8. Hmmm, do we hear a baby crying somewh…and there’s the milk.

9. Hey, we don’t get paid enough to work this hard.

10. Oh great. A tooth.

This is the perfect gift for a new mom.

Baby Love: The Play

I always like to see an off-off-Broadway show when I am in NYC. The dark, little out of the way black box theaters remind me of the years I spent performing in such houses. They may not be glamorous, but you can find some good shows and, of course, some awful ones.

The other week I took Mark to see Baby Love, a one-woman show by Christen Clifford. It was right up my alley. A free spirited, sexually open woman becomes a mother. In the process she falls in love with her child and can barely remember what an orgasm is. The lady spoke truths! And she did it in 60 minutes which is as long as I like to sit.

Baby Love the Play

I even got a sex toy from Christen. I don’t think she saw a fellow traveler. She just asked who was a new mom and no one else raised their hand, so I thought, well, “newish”. A locaI store, babeland, had donated the goods. What’s also cool about the show is she performs while she is presently with child again.

If you get to New York, see this show. It’s rare to see someone talk about that deep sensual satisfaction that loving a child can bring you. Because it makes you sound like a nut, but we know it’s true.

(For the non moms it’s not a Michael Jackson thing, it’s a feeling thing)