Today Rex is 3.  Today is my son’s 3rd birthday.

  • 3 years ago today Mark and I went to the hospital and met my mom there.  We waited as I was prepped.  We were all happy.  I had been fasting in anticipation of my c section.  But, I wasn’t thinking about food.  I was nervous about the dreaded IV, but all my requests for “a good stick” bore fruit.  A nurse came and slipped it in me with no more pain than a blood test.  After that I relaxed.

I had the happiest delivery.  I did a video about it the next day (see brand new Rex here).  I am so glad I had my mom with me for the magic moment of the birth of my last baby and her last grandchild. The room had a lot of good female energy from the nurse, to the doctor as well.  The other doctor was my doctor’s father who also delivered Vivien and my niece.  Mark and I were so excited to meet our son.

I had never had a son before, Mark had, but I hadn’t.  What would that be like?

I made a point to ( well let’s say a protest) to the staff that I must hold Rex when he is born.  I felt robbed of this at Vivien’s birth.  My arms were strapped down in a crucifix style and I could kiss her check, but not hold her.  I really didn’t like that.  The surgical nurse said they feared a sudden movement on my part would throw my arms into “the field of surgery”.  When you are that numbed up you don’t always know what’s going on a few inches away.  I said, “strap me down all you want until he is cleaned and wrapped, then let me out so I can hold my boy.” Agreed.

He was crying as he came out.  He cried as they checked him.  He cried as Mark carried him to me.  But, when I took him into my arms and held him his crying stopped.  I breathed deeply. We could feel each other’s heartbeats again.  We were in concert. He was calm. He was healthy, a wonder.  He wasn’t Rex yet, he had no name.  He was my baby love. It was probably the best moment of my life.
3rd bday
3rd bday

We had been robbed of our savings, forced to sell our home in a total financial catastrophe, but none of that mattered when he was born.  It only highlighted the difference of what really endures.
3rd bday

my father with Rex

When he was a 7 weeks old Rex had a serious health scare.  They feared menningitis.  It was after midnight as I held Rex who had just been through hell as several nurses tried to get an IV in him.  No, good stick here. It took several tries.  I nursed him.   I had called my sister’s house.  My brother in law Kevin had answered with “what is the matter?”  Since I don’t usually call at midnight.

“Rex is sick” I started crying ” I need you guys to take care of Vivien”.  More tears.  He said they would. She was home with Oliver and a babysitter, but we didn’t know when we were coming home.

Mark’s eyes were damp and hollow as I said,”I would give every cent we lost and every cent we haven’t lost to make Rex ok.”
Mark nodded his head emphatically, but wearily, there was no question. We got lucky, we took our healthy baby home after a few days.

3rd bday

I really enjoy being Rex’s mom.  I was more prepared the second time around.  My dad use to say, “how you girls came out is who you were. Your personality did not change.” That first warm comforting embrace Rex and I had 3 years ago I had this morning.

3rd bday

Rex with his big brother

Almost every night Rex leaves his room and climbs into our bed and lays down between us.  When Vivien was little I was so by the book and would put her back in her bed.  But, partly I’m older and more tired and partyly because now I know how fleeting the years of cuddles are I let him stay.  I have a big bed.  Sometimes Mark complains, “Rex tried to push me out of bed last night.”
3rd bday

nursed till almost 2 and half.  Our last time

“Funny, he never does that to me.”  Sure, sometimes I get a foot in my face, but this morning about 5am Rex sleeply said to me in my half sleep state, “Momma, I love you so much and rolled into my arms.”
I took a deep breathe and felt his heart beat next to mine.  I smelled the top of his freshly washed hair.  I woke myself a little thinking of the morning he was born.  Then fell back to sleep for another hour.  When I woke up Rex was still in my arms.

I want him to stay there as long as he will.
3rd bday


Mom who smells like pee


Following hot on the heels of showing you all my gut I’m baring another embarassing aspect of motherhood. For Momversation I am talking about one of those “no one told me THIS was going to happen.”  The dirty parts of motherhood.  If you want the clinical talk about pee and mom’s you can find it here.  I’m about the experience.

Don’t hang me out to dry! C’mon, you know it has happened to you.

He’s Almost Here!!

Yes, I do look slightly deranged here.  My son is being delivered this Sunday the 15th at 10 a.m.  Wish us well! I am getting very excited. Also, excited not to be so gassy.

This week I’m trying to get it all done. From taxes to highlights, from nails to food schedule. What’s a food schedule? Well, the joy of a scheduled C section is I have the next two weeks scheduled to the hour. As in, who is spending the night with Viv, who is picking her up from school, who is helping me when I get home. My husband goes back to work pretty fast, so I am signing up my girlfriends for lunch time help. The idea is they bring me a sandwich and hang out for a bit while I take a shower or what have you. I’m trying to be realistic about the start of this caring for a life thing.

So far, my friends have liked having a day picked for them. Instead of the general, “Call if you need help,” I say, “Okay, the 27th good for you?” I can’t pick up a phone once I’m in the trenches; I will just whimper.

So, I taped vlogs a head of time. So you will probably see me pregnant after I have delivered. I am going to post a picture of my boy and me from the hospital if i can get someone to upload it. I will show the world what a real new mom looks like. LIKE HELL!

Bracing for the New Baby

As my girth enlarges, I’m starting to get a tad bit of new-baby dread. Here’s what I’m thinking about:

1) Worrying that he is healthy. The mind, goes doesn’t it? I was lying in bed last night rubbing my belly, sending him good vibes and chants of “healthy, healthy.”

Big yawn
Creative Commons License photo credit: davef3138

2) Vaccinations. Going through the shots again! I learned with Vivien that I really had to sack up for those. And since I’m having a boy, I’m more freaked out about the whole autism/shot link.

3) Choking. I’m so in preschooler comfort-zone that I kind of forgot until last night about the choking thing. Mashing up food in tiny, tiny amounts, and spooning it in. I saw a little bracelet Viv was given on the floor last night, and since bending over is not my strong suit these days, I left it.  Then I thought, wait! Soon I will have to clear the decks of all little bits, as Junior will be jamming it all in his mouth.

4) C-section recovery. Particularly those first two hours, when I felt like I was sliding off the face of the earth. Pretty uncomfortable.  Not acute pain, but unpleasant. I had planned to have a vaginal delivery the first time, so I had a nice doula who held my hand and that really helped during the transition back to earth as my family ran around with excitement, which at that moment I could not share. When my sister had her C-section, she seemed so happy afterwards. Hmm, I missed that gene. Should I have the doula again? Does it make sense to have one just for two hours?

I’m sure other worries will come…

On Momversation: Childbirth Choices

Hey, I kicked off the “momversation” this time! Childbirth is a subject that really resonated with me, and we got to use the term “vaginal” a great deal, so that was cool. And I enjoyed hearing what the other mom-bloggers had to say about this topic. I think that if you had a C-section you, can relate to this, but maybe all women who now have a child can relate! Do you feel there is a tyranny about the “right” way to have a baby?

Check out the related forums: