Guess Who’s On Dr. Phil!

I’m thinking of starting my own cable show called “My Life On The G-List” (I wish I were D-list). Anyway, when you are on the G-list, once in a while you get a cool glimpse into the A-list life. Such was my experience on Dr. Phil. Watch it Monday. I have to say, as much as one can make cracks about the syndicated dynasties like Dr. Phil, he actually gave very good advice and the right take on the show I was on. But when you watch this, you’ll see that Dr. Phil was holding out on me.

Moving to Canada

I think leftist political shows are usually funnier than right-wing parodies. The Daily Show versus that show on Fox for example.

But leftists as individuals can be a really humorless lot, taking themselves WAY to seriously. If anyone has seen Janeane Garofalo in the last couple of years, you know what I mean. So sometimes I think lefties need the piss taken out of them. As someone who grew up in alternative (hippie) schools, snacked on rice cakes, and still likes a swig of soy milk for comfort, I think I’m in a perfect position to do the skewering. Here is an attempt.

Jenny McCarthy

Doesn’t Jenny McCarthy look like she would smell good? I didn’t sniff when I met her last weekend, but she was as warm and charming and fun as one would expect. I did a quick interview with her for the Fashion Team. The occasion was the opening of Neiman Marcus – a new, swanky branch of the Westfield mall in Canoga Park (in the San Fernando Valley), an area of LA not known for its chic shops; they are trying to throw down with the OC and Beverly Hills. Jenny was hosting the fashion show, and I was tapped to be a judge. The contestants were real shoppers who entered themselves.

Jenny has been out front with her struggles of having an autistic son. She believes a vaccine he got caused it, and she says he is better now, due to a special diet and play therapy. I can’t weigh in on that, but I do give her a lot of praise for her candor, which I think helps parents who have a child with special needs. She told me that when her son was really bad off, she didn’t brush her teeth for 4 months. And I thought skipping showers was rough!

On a lighter note, she also said she is growing out the adorable short ‘do she has had the last couple of years. Since I am “struggling” with my own short-hair issues, I was all ears. Jenny said, “If it’s not blown out right, I look like Bonnie Hunt.” To which I said, “If my hair isn’t blown out right, I look like Dorothy Hamill.”

Sunday Styles

My husband has learned that there will be a wifely wrath if he dumps the New York Times Sunday Styles section before I have read it. I usually have to wait until bedtime to savor this tasty morsel. In the Vows section…all the engagements and weddings, I’m always curious about the ages of people. Do I think they are getting married to young, is it a May September thing? It’s funny I note that more than where they are from or their profession. Although, the happy couples profession and where they are originally from, does hold some interest.

Every week what is the thing you look forward to reading that you would throw a tantrum over if someone through out?

I just wanted to let you know, we will be taking a day off Monday for Labor Day. Don’t worry, we will be back up and running with new vlogs on Tuesday. Have a great weekend.

Haircut 100 part 2

Since I’ve had an overwhelming response to my new hair cut, including requests for more shots of it (well, 2 actually, but in my mind it’s a riot). If you want more hair shots I will provide them! Not one, but two pictures! It is not short in the back like the popular Victoria Beckham style for which I had a longer version of before. Note, I am showing you my roots as well.

My one correction is that it’s not totally maintenance free. I have hair like fiberglass so I can go 5 days without washing it. To some of you this may sound gross, but I swear it is true. I go to Fantastic Sam’s to get it washed, and then I’m set for most of the week. I tried to do a home job and this haircut looks, AWFUL if not blown out right. Also, it is important to note, I don’t think it would be much on thin hair. If I use a big round brush or curls it looks like I’m on “News at 5,” in Dallas.

My hair is like carbon dating. I’ve done the Dorothy Hamill, the shag, even the Mullet. I did the Jennifer Anniston (and time for her to change it up too) I think the only hair trend I missed was in the late eighties I never got the perm. Missing the eighties perm, probably had something to do with the fact that I was too stoned.

Single? Why Not?

This is kind of a vlog version of my “In Appreciation Of Non-Mom Friends

Don’t get all Jamie Lynn Spears on me single ladies and overly glamorize motherhood. Do those cute celeb moms talk about how it’s about 2 years before you can take a crap in private? No. It’s not for everyone and I’ll tell you why.

Firsts

This cracked me up from, “The Poop (great name),” about the writers first car. You never forget your first right? My first car was a 1976, Datsun 710. It not only had no AC, it had no heat, and no door handles. So, after a while the cranks to roll down the window also broke off. Nonetheless I was popular among my high school friends, because at least I had a car. Even if it meant we had to pick up the broken handles off the floor and stick them on the door to roll down the windows.

I just had another first. My stepson wrote me an email from his trip. He had seen a clip of me on “The Daily Show,” I was part of a montage about “cougars.” I had been commenting on it on “Showbiz Tonight,” on “CNN Headline News.” Even though for other reasons it has been a trying day, I was immediately perked up. It felt like I was in high school and a boy who I thought didn’t know I existed, suddenly pays attention to me. Especially cool if the boy looks like a Jonas brother. I felt like Sally Field accepting her Oscar in 1985, “You like me, you really like me!

If kids only knew the power they yield.

Haircut 100

Remember them (Haircut 100)? Loved their hit in junior high. Anyway, here is my new do. I got it cut last week. In the last year I keep getting shorter. Everyone likes it except my husband who misses my long hair. I have hair as thick as kudzu, so it’s nice to have a style without having to style. I had been doing a Katie Holmes/Victoria Beckham kind of wedge, but it was starting to look a little like a Dorothy Hamill (which I also had), so I asked my haircutter to change it up.

I do think I need to grow it again, because in 5 to 10 years I will be that age that starts to look goofy with long hair.

It’s not too much a “mom” cut, right? I don’t want a hairdo that goes with pleated jeans and a mini van. But, gosh it is easier.

The Reality Of White Trash

I was getting mic’d at work (the process of having a sound person attach a microphone to me), when I spied “Hogan Knows Best,” the reality show was playing on one of the TV’s in the studio. With over processed hair Brooke Hogan was heavily French kissing with some young blond boy who looked shorter and younger than her.  Anyway, it was gross.

Then there are the dark haired Kardashians (“Keeping Up With The Kardashians”). The family seems to be all hoochied up, and could Bruce Jenner have done more plastic surgery to his face?

So here is what I was wondering, “what’s with watching trashy people be trashy?” I can kind of get it when it was someone really famous, like Ozzy Osbourne, but who are these people? Talk about shows I want my daughter never to see.  I wouldn’t let her have a play-date at their house, why would I want her to watch them on TV?

Here are some of the things all of these shows have in common:

1) Contemporary architecture and furnishings– You will never see a reality show in an Arts and Crafts or Spanish Revival.  From the Bachelor on down they are always Mc-Mansions with no taste.

2) Calabasas– It’s the Lourdes of reality TV. For those of you not from LA, Calabasas is a nouveau riche paradise. White people commute long distances for their large new tract homes, “good schools,” and cookie cutter upscale shopping centers. The devil collects souls at the Starbucks.

3) People I don’t care about

4) Editing, Editing, Editing– I’ve hosted a few reality shows (“playing it straight,” “Perfect Partner”), the show is all made in the editing room. You can give someone “conflict” with one slow motion stare and the right music. It is not a myth, producers do coach people what to say in the interviews. It goes something like this, “So, would you say it made you mad when Clare walked in late to the party? Okay, put that in your own words.” Is this reality, I ask?

5) The tears are real– When contestants are eliminated and people cry it’s for real. I cried when hosting. Because you are lab rats, separated from your world and your only “friends” are the other people on the show, so people do get genuinely upset. I have stayed friends with people who were on my shows. So that’s legit.