My Child Genius

My sister Carole is here again, so we can talk about how special and wonderful our children are.  Or rather, how special and wonderful and brilliant we all decided they are going to be.  There are even tests you can give your little Mozart.

Do we go overboard with this stuff?  Well, it’s better than neglecting them.

Corrective Emotional Experience

Remember when before you were a parent, you would see a kid spazz out and think, “Well, those parents should give that kid the what for!” And then you became a parent, and you end up acting like Billy Mummy’s parents in that classic Twilight Zone, “The Good Life,” “Please don’t send us to the cornfield!” Sometimes it’s easier to pretend you are a special ed teacher (not that I have any idea what that is really like), or dealing with sensitive people with traumas. This is one of those times.

My Big News

No, I’m not McCain’s running mate. No, I’m not 17, nor have I moved to Alaska. But, happily, I am…

PREGNANT!! We are thrilled. We have been waiting to talk about it until we got past the point that we lost our pregnancy last year. That was at 14 and half weeks, and after the CVS had said the baby was healthy and a girl. I am now 16 weeks, the CVS is showing all good and it’s a boy! I pray, affirm, chant, whatever works, that this baby will be born healthy.

Mark and I feel like we can finally be happy about it. A few weeks ago when I asked Mark about names, he looked dire and said he wouldn’t discuss it until after 15 weeks. I completely understood. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, either. Although now, even though we are not out of the woods, our hopes are way up.

My stepchildren have been really cool. My stepdaughter, in particular, expressed excitement, which makes me feel good, since I still half-expect to be rejected by them (due to my own anxieties, not because of anything they say or do). Vivien isn’t totally connected to what is happening, but she has said a few times, “I’m going to have a baby brother!”

I’m trying to relax my anxiety. I’m thinking seriously of seeing a therapist, since every time I have a check-up, I start crying because I’m so afraid that once again the ultrasound will show that there is no heartbeat. I have to get a grip. And covet this joy.

Moving Target

Ah, the joys of parental abuse. Being climbed on, kicked in the shins, and my personal favorite having nails dug into my face is all normal stuff. But, what if it happens when you can’t discipline? Whatta you do?

The bottom line is a handheld cell phone is the only danger motorists face.

Breastfeeding Chuckles

This falls right under the category of “Why didn’t I write this?” I felt the same way when I read the title of Chelsea Handler’s book, “My Horizontal Life.” (Although, then I read it and her horizontal life was filled with more boozes and lies than mine was, but great title.). Now, a title that fit’s with my mom life, “If These Boobs Could Talk.” As a committed breastfeeder for over 2 years I certainly could have come up with some humor to write down. But then there is that darn follow through thing!  Well, these ladies did it, bless their heart.

bonding
Creative Commons License photo credit: brooklyn

Here is their top ten:

Top 10 Things Breastfeeding Boobs Would Say

1. Since when are we open 24 hours?

2. Get the soothing gel. Get it now.

3. Sir, this is a “Babies Only” zone.

4. Kid, how can you not see our nipples when they’re the size of paper plates?

5. Woo hoo! We’re spraying across the room!

6. Wow, we look spectacular!

7. Wait, now we look like old gym socks.

8. Hmmm, do we hear a baby crying somewh…and there’s the milk.

9. Hey, we don’t get paid enough to work this hard.

10. Oh great. A tooth.

This is the perfect gift for a new mom.