We are making changes

We are moving in a different direction.
It’s not you; it’s our corporate restructuring.
The many things you are told when you are no longer wanted at a job.
I just got a very nice boot from Star Magazine. For over 5 years I wrote jokes for the their worst of the week feature.
I really don’t mind.
The managing editor wrote me himself, which was classy not leaving it to a flunky. Frankly I don’t blame them. I was having a hard time getting it up for it. How many times can one write a funny line about a disheveled Helena Bonham Carter?
( “ The char woman wants her look back.” )
worst
At some point we just need to accept she has had children with Tim Burton that’s her look! Like we finally got it with Diane Keaton. The lady likes blazers and hats.
How many times can you make a joke about a wanna be starlet, who I have never heard of, but shows up on the red carpet in a too tight cheetah pattern? ( “Don’t call the wild, they’ll call you!”)
I was first asked to be on the panel when I hosted TV Guide’s “The Fashion Team”. Last year it was cancelled and I thought, “I wonder when Star will cut me loose?” I didn’t tell them my show went the way of the dodo bird. I had Coolmom.com in as part of my credit and had hoped that would drive traffic to my site. But, actually it didn’t. I was usually rushing to do the jokes on a Tuesday night while making dinner. Or I would be dropping off Vivien at school on Wednesday and get an email from the editor, “are you sending the jokes?” Crap, I would race home to make the deadline.
One thing that bothered me was the candid shots of celebs on the street.
Look Bai- Ling and Phoebe what’s her name want to be photographed. The ones that dress up in kooky or sexy outfits on the red carpet are fair game. But, Hillary Duffy going to get a Starbucks in sweats, Rumer Willis shopping in shorts and no make up? They are just leading their lives and I look like a hot mess when I go run errands. So, those always made me feel ethically uneasy.

Also, sometimes the editors got it dead wrong. I would get a picture of a celeb in a fashionable outfit and I would write back, “Good look, no joke here.” Fashion can takes chances and still be in good taste. They don’t have to look like Rihanna.

Just in case anyone is planning on hitting the red carpet and doesn’t want to the Worst of the Week here are a few tips.
– No animal prints
– No shiny clothes
– No too tight clothes
– Not too much flesh
– Not too directional in anyway

Will I miss seeing my face in a magazine while I get my pedicure? A bit. But, I will no longer have to correct people when they say, which they did all the time, “ I just read you in US magazine!”

worst

The Box

There it is, the last one I had to open. Since we moved to a smaller home when Rex was 2 and half months, it was a perfect time to edit my closet. So I filled two big plastic containers with the clothes that I couldn’t fit into. I recently cracked the last one open. I can basically fit into these clothes now, although not always cutting the finest figure in them.

THE JELLY BELLY REMAINS.

I do a long walk with Rex almost everyday. Go to the gym once a week to work with weights and such. And try to do Stroller Strides at least once a week. Frankly, I blame my kid. Vivien was such a phenomenal nurser, I think she sucked the fat right out of me. Rex likes to nurse, but he is easily distracted and took an interest in solids before she did.

Result? Harder to lose weight and rough diaper changes.

My closet cannot handle the influx of the new “thinner” clothes. Now, I need to give away my maternity clothes, and I need to fill this box with a label that says “FAT CLOTHES.”

Paper Dolls

When organizing his drawers I saw this velvet pantsuit Rex had.

He had worn the pants, but why had he not sported the blazer with patches on the elbows!  It gives me a lift to dress him up in these sophisticated duds.  And note Vivien’s dress.  I bought at Saks when I was in NY.  It was on sale.  Once a year my mom use to take us to Saks (the one in LA). Hey, I’m a traditionalist.

Yes, my son does look like one of the Van Patten’s, but maybe he will be a tennis player.

Use It or Lose It

I felt like a really accomplished something this weekend. I managed to go through all of Rex’s drawers and put the clothes he no longer fits in into a large shopping bag. I was spilling over there were so many clothes. Most I would love to pass on to someone as they are still in great shape. A couple I will be fashion into a scarf so that they are with me always. (Cut to shot of lady with a white lace trimmed onesie wrapped around her neck).

Then I organized the drawers. I unearthed the cute clothes that he has not worn or barely worn and can wear in one drawer, and the ones that he will wear in 2 to 6 months in another drawer. PJs and sweaters in a separate place. Then once I saw some of his more dashing clothes, I had to call up Sears Portrait studio to get his picture taken.

It all started with this vlog. And sorry, yes, it looks like I’m going to Basic Instinct on you, but not quite. Sorry, that’s the problem when you are your own cameraperson.

Headbands

The irony here is that I critique fashion on my TV show and in Star magazine. What works when people play dress up and are thin or have stylist is not hard. But to achieve a nice look when you still have a spare tire from childbirth and are in Momcognito, now that’s harder.

Further irony, I’m shortly going to help the gal who won the Momversation makeover pick out her winnings at Target. Those who can’t do teach…

Momversation: What Does a Mom Look Like?

I think this subject could be its own site. Post a picture and ask on a scale of 1 to 10 “do I look like a mom?”

I think most days I’d be an 8 or 9. But that rare moment when I get dolled up my number would go down… which is what I want. I would rather be a MILF. I feel very un-MILF like (well, except I know most guys don’t care if you are super hot, they just want super willing). I am lucky that one of my jobs is having professionals make me look a couple of times a month for “The Fashion Team” on TV guide Channel. That is like therapy. I remember, hey I use to be a frosty piece of…

This episode started out being a question of whether it was appropriate for mothers to have tattoos, and it evolved from there.

So do you look like a mom?  I’m curious since I’ve seen so few of you!

Spit-Up Chic

Here is the question: why do I even bother getting dressed? This is my third top of the da,y and it’s not quite noon. Sure, I could grab a burp cloth, but seriously, who does? I only remember them when grandma comes over ’cause I don’t want to scare away any free help.

Vivien wasn’t a spitter-upper, so it’s new to me. But it’s been 11 weeks, I should get the hang of it. Yet another reason why I haven’t bought any new clothes in a while or ever dress in the nice ones I have. I want to dress nicely…but, but, why bother?

Dressing While Decaffed

That does it – I need caffeine. I had a homemade half-caf this morning, and after getting Viv’s lunch together and unloading the dishwasher, I got dressed. You can see the results below. I look like I’m in a cult. Or perhaps in preschool.

Daphne in her decaf pregnancy outfit

Here was my thinking process: “I am going to pre-natal Pilates, so I’ll put on leggings.” Then I thought, “I’m dropping off Viv at preschool first, and do I really want my crotch-space showing? What will the other mothers think?” So I decided to put on a skirt, but not many fit. Anyway, it was a mess. The Pilates teacher convinced me to lose the skirt, which I did. It’s LA: it could be a look.

The moral of the story was that after I dropped off Viv, I had another half-caf and then the world seemed a bit clearer. Sorry, Junior: Mom can’t think without caffeine.