Distract Him While I Run to the Trash Bin

When I met my husband I could see he was a fixer upper. That doesn’t bother him when I say that. He was like that adorable 1930’s Spanish home with great bones, but someone did a bad stucco job, and the garden was overgrown. But you can see that with a little TLC it could be great. No foundation work needed.

After I ordered him to get a gay man to cut his hair, made him shave, and had him buy a pair of cute glasses, the James Whitmore look lifted, and there was handsome guy. That took a few days. I work fast when I want something. He was mid-divorce, so I think he liked having someone take an interest. He even let me purge his closet.

Not just once… where I found many relics from the ’80’s. No Thriller Jackets, but yes, Hammer pants.

I went into the closet again with two of the most studly gay men handy. They picked away another layer. Then with a visit to Target and J Crew, my gay stylist friend outfitted him with some new duds.

Now, it’s years later and I am wondering, why, oh why are these still in his drawer?

We were on our way to Yosemite, and he realized he forgot his swim trunks. So we popped into a grocery store in Oakhurst and bought these. The long board shorts dangling from his very white legs.

He thinks they are funny.

I’m not laughing. Quick, distract him… I have to get them out of the house before they can embarrass further!

What item are you overdue in purging?

Home Wrecking Improvement

A mommy friend said to me the other day, “I almost divorced my husband over carpentry.” I get it. The mommy blog Dooce recently mentioned the perils of home improvement on a marriage. Not that long ago when Mark and I were house hunting we considered some fixers. I could now get on my knees and thank GOD we did not buy any of them (sort of how I am also glad that lousy boyfriends broke up with me. It hurt at the time, but it led me to a much, much better man). At the time another friend had said that if she and her husband bought a fixer no question they would be divorced. I was like, huh? Wow, really? Boy was I naive, and that was 6 months ago. We just bought a house that only needed some cosmetic help and man, oh man that was stressful enough. This is universal, right?