Finances and Friends: Momversation

Have you felt your friendships changed because you did or did not have money? Rebecca from Girl’s Gone Child asks the question. Since we have moved, I have noticed a few less invites from some friends with big houses, but real friends stay constant.

I think we have discriminated somewhat against people who have bad taste in food. It’s just hard not to with Mark as my mate. But that doesn’t mean money.   have plenty of friends who cook up some yummy vittles in their small apartment kitchens. But, even so, sometimes you have to eat the crap they want if you really love them.

Watch the vid, and tell me what you think. I liked Giyen’s comment (Bacon Is My Enemy); it rang true.

What’s With 4 o’ clock?

I really love spending the morning with my son. It’s easiest if Vivien is in school, but even if there is a day off, and I have both of them and no other adult around, I’m fine. I’m like, come on, look at these cuties! I love being with them!

UNTIL 4pm.

Sometimes I can feel that feeling coming on about 3:30. The voice inside of me that says, “Can someone else hold this kid for a minute?” I rarely have my spouse here at that time so that is why I use most of my nanny dollars for later afternoon early evening. And the strange thing is if I am alone with the kids at that time and strange thing happens, around 6:30/7p.m.

EVERYTHING IS OK.

Of course it was hell when Vivien was colicky at that time. But they can be just as they have been earlier in the day, but I feel antsy, more anxious, and feeling of, “Why didn’t I make plans?” comes over me. Why didn’t we go over to my mom’s? Why didn’t I invite a friend for dinner? Why didn’t I post a neon sign on my front door asking for people to talk to me?

I’m lucky. In a pinch I can pack them up and go to their daddy’s restaurant. Not as easy with two, but I’ve done it, and it’s a life saver. I beckon a waiter, “Please talk to me.”

As much as I would love a big house, I can’t leave the urban density. Think I would feel more lonely.

Well, I guess I could live anywhere… till 4pm.

Friend Dating

You ever notice how old friends take more work than new friends? Often, old friends have accumulated baggage that we must contend with because now, we are in too deep. Or you made them when you were so young or needy you couldn’t screen them as sharply as you do newer friends.

It’s like the difference between dating my 20s and dating in my 30s.  In my 20s I put up with all kinds of nonsense. In my 30s at the first sign on annoyance, I was, “Get your crap and get out of here.”

Here is a thought on my present state of friendships.

Imaginary Friends

Since we are social creatures, I think it’s in parents’ best interest to support their child’s friendships. When we had to move, I rarely looked at a house that wasn’t in “Avery striking distance” as I called it. That is Viv’s best neighborhood buddy, who we use to be a stone’s throw from.  We are a long walk or a short drive now, and happily Avery’s mom and I are making that friendship work.

Of course 8 to 10 years from now, Vivien will much prefer to spend as much time away from me and with her friends as possible. That will be hard, but I am bracing for it. But what if her friends aren’t real?

Check out this article about imaginary play in the New York Times.

Facebook Friends? Forget It!

Why do I keep getting roped into these social networking websites? LinkedIn, Facebook… I think I even flirted with Classmates.com. But who am I going to network with? Casting directors? They don’t hire hosts off websites. Friends? Don’t I already email them and talk about getting together, though we never do? Do I really need a site like Facebook to reinforce that we are essentially lonely people on a lonely planet? Guess I do.

On Momversation: Online Friends Vs. Real Friends

Here the blogger moms of Momversation discuss the new-world problem of real-life friends versus online friends. Do they have the same weight? Or is one more helpful than the other? How is it for you? Let me know here, or comment on the Momversation site.

Related Momversation Forums:

Weddings Ruin Friendships

Be aware, you are about to see a radical view of weddings here. I had my legal wedding in my living room, with 10 people. Fourteen months later, I had the big blowout variety, with 120 people. So I think that’s what started me thinking of this. That, and my own cynical attitude at others’ weddings. Tell me what you think.

No One Sees Anyone Anymore

Here is another topic I consider a main theme of contemporary life: we are all alone. Even when I was single in San Francisco, I remember talking to a married friend (who lived 8 blocks away!) about why we didn’t see each other. She thought I was out every night with a hot date or going to hear live music. I thought she was curled up with her new husband, in loving bliss. We both realized that much of the time, we were sitting on our couches, watching TV, wishing we were talking to a friend.

I think we get stuck, especially in LA, where fear of traffic keeps everyone out of their cars after 2:30 p.m. I think if you don’t institutionalize meetings (book club, bowling night) you never see anyone! It’s the reason I have my dinner club. It’s also one of the reasons, I think, that I had a big wedding, because at least I saw some friends that year.

My Friends Hate Me

I love the “it takes a village” idea. It’s the way to go. But, sadly my village is just too spread out for me. No wonder there are moms who get depressed or start drinking – it can be isolating. In fact when I was pregnant, my number one fear of being a mom was that I would be home at night with a tiny person who I couldn’t banter with and only the glow of a TV set to keep me warm. In a nutshell, that I would be an isolated woman. Little did I know one day I would start to embrace this.