The Nanosecond Rule

This vlog about how to deal with food that gets dropped on the ground will expose me as the lazy-ass mom I think I am. It’s along the same lines as “cookie making” with my daughter, which 8 out of 10 times means opening the pre-made Tollhouse cookie dough. I figure, she’s nearly three but she can’t hang with all that measuring, right?

When she was a newborn, I told my OB how I was sterilizing everything that came near her. He rolled his 60+ eyes of experience. “You’re going to get over that quick. If a binky drops on the ground, you’ll put it right back in her mouth to keep her quiet.” Ah, how right he was.

I Hate When This Happens

I’m in a public bathroom with Vivien. It’s sort of nasty and I keep hissing at her, “Don’t touch anything!” Like, she’s a finger away from the plague instead of the same gross old germs we always come into contact with. But somehow it seems worse in a public bathroom and one that does not appear to be well maintained. Also I feel so vulnerable, hovering over the can while I also try to corral my child who could touch any object if given the chance. And then this happens.

There is no catch to the cheap one ply roll. I keep trying to find the end and my quads get a workout. Finally I claw at it like a nervous kitty. “Get me out of here!” I get a snippet of tissue, wash our hands and then command Vivien like the commender of sub. “Dive, dive, get out of here!”