here is a TBT. I was super pregnant with Rex. There are always some issues that bother us more than others… for me.. a wet towel on a rug (grr), kid who want go to sleep when you are beat (everyone) and then the good old pee on a brand new couch. It does remind me why I still get this couch steam cleaned every three months..
As I’ve written about we we lucky to go to Italy this summer. What can you say about Italy that hasn’t already been said? The food is sublime, the language is beautiful. Contribution to the art world is deep. The lifestyle, the wine! Bellissimo.
However on my trip there was one Italian thing I did struggle with. This is my story
The last couple of days I’ve been running into parents from our school and the chatter is something like this:
“Did you have a good summer?”
“Yes, but I am so ready for them to go back!!”
I had just started to sort of feel like that as I grabbed Rex by the top of his hair so he wouldn’t hit me or Vivien. But, now that they ARE BACK in school I have to get use to it.
I came home and spent hours trying to get a relative enrolled in Medicare part D. Woo-hoo. Just like having an affair with a yoga instructor.
Finding my back to school life reminded me of a video I once did… ( cue back in time music)
Oh, just in time for last minute shopping. A cold. Nothing like looking like CRAP in your family photos. In the meantime while I regroup I’m going to leave you with two videos that made me laugh and forget my discomfort for a few minutes.
I drove the kids to school as I tried to respect Vivien’s feelings, but also gently remind her that this wasn’t the “worst day in the world.”
“Sweetie, you woke up in your pretty room in your nice house surrounded by your loving family, right?”
“I told you there is a cupcake left over that you can have when you come home, right?”
“Yes” But, I wasn’t getting much headway, she was still moping.
Then 3. 8 month old Rex said, “Mommy, maybe Vivien would feel better if we told her a joke.”
Great idea Rex. Oh, my comic heart swelled with pride. Then Rex told his knock, knock joke.
“whose there?” Vivien mumbled
“Chicken cow” Rex smiled. I guffawed on cue, because made up on the spot knock knock jokes rarely are funny, but I want to encourage them so I was slapping my knee.
“That wasn’t funny.” Vivien scowled.
He tried again. “Knock, Knock”
I wasn’t thinking, I blurted out a punch line.
“Turkey Lurky, and we are going to eat you!.” Totally lame, but it cracked Vivien up.
Rex started crying. Vivien was now smiling, and I was the asshole comic who had to top the other comic in the room.
“That was my joke, that was NOT funny mommy.” Rex said through tears. The rest of the drive to school was filled with him yelling and crying. Vivien and I were trying to console him now. NOT working. You know those all too numerous times you are driving around with a screaming child in your car and you are powerless to stop it? That’s what I had on my hands. It was my fault to boot.
I dropped her off and suggested what would make me feel better: food.
“Rex, want to go with me to buy bagels at the bagel store?” He nodded. When we parked he unbuckled and stood in the car doorway pouting.
” I wanted my joke to make Vivien feel better, but it was your joke that did. I’m sad.”
“Rex I am so sorry. I should not have stepped on your line. I’m so sorry. But, it was your idea to tell her a joke and that DID help her feel better, so you did it. You made her feel better.”
“But, you made the laugh.”
“Comics are terrible people. I’m sorry.” Then we got bagels holding hands and he got a fruit cup from another store. We were okay.
I’m proud of Rex that he wanted to make Vivien feel better and thought, like his mom, that humor is the way to healing. I’m proud of him that he articulated his feelings to me. He is finding his way. I just need to keep my mouth shut.
My mind drifts as I make my kids sandwiches for their school lunch. I started off thinking I would make a little girl sandwich.
But, then I keep going. What if the girl then stuck her finger in an electrical socket?
Or, when she grows up, goes to college and parties a little hard. This would be her sleeping off a bender.
At least I did stop myself from making a sandwich that showed what that girl did that night and with what!
This falls right under the category of “Why didn’t I write this?” I felt the same way when I read the title of Chelsea Handler’s book, “My Horizontal Life.” (Although, then I read it and her horizontal life was filled with more boozes and lies than mine was, but great title.). Now, a title that fit’s with my mom life, “If These Boobs Could Talk.” As a committed breastfeeder for over 2 years I certainly could have come up with some humor to write down. But then there is that darn follow through thing! Well, these ladies did it, bless their heart.
Here is their top ten:
Top 10 Things Breastfeeding Boobs Would Say
1. Since when are we open 24 hours?
2. Get the soothing gel. Get it now.
3. Sir, this is a “Babies Only” zone.
4. Kid, how can you not see our nipples when they’re the size of paper plates?
5. Woo hoo! We’re spraying across the room!
6. Wow, we look spectacular!
7. Wait, now we look like old gym socks.
8. Hmmm, do we hear a baby crying somewh…and there’s the milk.
9. Hey, we don’t get paid enough to work this hard.
10. Oh great. A tooth.
This is the perfect gift for a new mom.