When your child makes you realize you are as dumb as dirt

He, he, this cracks me up.. I’m humbled all the time being a mom, but never more then when my kids ask me questions that I cannot answer.  Have you been there?  I’m sure you have.  Vivien is now a 5th grader, but I know I’m not smarter than a 5th grader, I was falling behind years ago.  Combined with my spotty, progressive ’70’s education it’s a wonder I’m walking upright.

getting use to back to school

The last couple of days I’ve been running into parents from our school and the chatter is something like this:

“Did you have a good summer?”

“Yes, but I am so ready for them to go back!!”

I had just started to sort of feel like that as I grabbed Rex by the top of his hair so he wouldn’t hit me or Vivien.  But, now that they ARE BACK in school I have to get use to it.

I came home and spent hours trying to get a relative enrolled in Medicare part D.  Woo-hoo.  Just like having an affair with a yoga instructor.

Finding my back to school life reminded me of a video I once did… ( cue back in time music)

Best of….

So, I’m on a family trip right now. Thor is watching my house and I’m going to try to upload remotely, but not sure if it will work.  So, here is a playlist of some of my favorite coolmom videos.


so flipping tired again

tired mom

I’m so flipping tired

I was driving home after dropping off Viv at camp and thought, what is this feeling I have?  oh, yes, joy, calm, I’m rested!!  It’s been years, but I was reminded of MUCH MORE rested I am with a 6 and 9 year old when we recently stayed at my friend who has a 7 month old and a 2 year old.

the old days

the old days. Brand New Rex..wonder what happened to that blanket?

I was so happy to snuggle with the big, fat baby thighs and I felt AWESOME that I could help my friend and get her baby boy to sleep  3 times!  I still got it!!.  I told my kids, “smell that neck, nothing like it!”.  But, man o man.  That juggle of two small kids and her husband was working.. woof.  No wonder I just started thinking clearly.  So, I’m posting this video because though I do get more sleep now, I know there are those out there that are still in the trenches.

no wonder I hate mother’s day

This is what my mother’s day looked like..real mothers day

Well, that’s not fair, I also had vomit on my pink P.j’s from when Rex threw up on me.  But, I’m sparing you a photo of that. No awkward brunch with corsage, no red roses, no sachet.

It would all be a day’s work, but being told it’s “MOTHER’S DAY” makes me cranky.  Same way Valentine’s day makes you think your in a crap relationship, when it’s just normal.  Expectations.

Mark is working hard, quite rightly, new business.  As he was rushing out the door in the AM I pleaded for some coffee, toast, NY Times and he complied.  The kids were great for 2 hours because they had a friend over.  Hey, this is ok. My stepson called me which the biggest gift that he can give me, he knows my number! (see desperate stepmom seek connection)  Then when the friend left my little ones turned on each other like demons.  Though to be fair.  I made it worse.  They would settle into a show, a game what have you and after a bit I would check in on them.  My presence was a catalyst for them turning on each other.

“I’m going to leave you guys alone” I said as I walked out of the room for 2 hours.  No fighting. I’m the problem.

In the evening things had settled down, we were watching Season Finale of one of our favorite shows, “Once upon a Time”.   Okay, day has it’s grace notes.  Then Rex threw up on me.

Well, I don’t like red roses anyway.


My Dream Diagnosis

You ever go into a drawer, a box, your sister’s closet and find an article of clothing you forgot you had?  Well, sometimes I forget about videos I’ve made.  I’ve done over 500.  Here is one I tripped over and it was never tagged, promoted, etc so it only has 56 views.  That’s probably just from my mom.

In it I do part of bit I did when I was doing stand up when I was pregnant with Vivien.  A big belly is a great sight gag.  Here I’m pregnant with Rex.  You can hear that baby pressing on my lungs.  I’m gasping like Dom Deluise.  What I can’t figure out is why me and my camera man lined up the shot the way we did..right next to the pile of junk on my desk.  Oh, now I remember I knew I was going to be out of commission soon with Rex coming and we shot 20 videos in one day!

Anyway… here is one of the best things a doctor could tell a woman:


My Favorite Vids… Moms with scarves

This video is one of my favorites.  When I was on Hallmark’s “Home and Family” recently this was one of the videos I sent to them to show.  The producers loved it, except I use the word “Vagina” in it.  But, on the innerweb we don’t have to worry about  questionable vulgarity like they do on basic cable.  So, for those who have never seen it, Enjoy!.  Revisiting, enjoy again and remember when Rex still had his curls!