Questions I can’t answer

Or, how being a mom makes me feel like a dumb ass.  Am I smarter than a 5th grader?  I wish.  I felt like such a big cheese when I was taking small rubber objects out of their mouths so they didn’t choke.  Keeping their hands from open flames.  But, now that they talk, go to school and haven’t done drugs their little minds are challenging my major domo position.

Movies for kids

When I don’t want my kids to watch anymore sassy, put down Disney shows I redirect them to a movie. I saw lots of films growing up that would be good for them, right? Maybe not. “Back to the Future” seems like a family film. Till you watch it and count the S bombs that get dropped. So does our youth cinema watching brain jibe with our older parent watching brain?

Is it because I was actually older when I watched the films?  Probably.  But, sensibilities can be different.  So which films that I thought would be good for kids were and which weren’t.

Which old chestnuts have you shown your kids?  Which laid an egg and which ones landed?

potluck ransom

I love pot lucks.  I like hosting pot lucks. However,  rules must be observed.  Put your name on your stuff.  I can’t run everyone down

” did you leave the powder blue bowl?  The Winnie the pooh platter?  The silver pan?  Were you even here?”

I’m fine with hosting class parties.  I like to.  If not we end up in some gross LA city park with porta potties and bums sleeping next to the kids while they play capture the flag.  I don’t mind the set up, clean up.  We have a big backyard.  I just want people to take their shit with them when they leave.  The one night stand is over, get your crap and get out.  You never wanted to hear from that dude at the club you bedded after a few too many did you?  No, I don’t even remember his name.  But, he kept calling me “lips.”

After grilling our room teachers with the rules before our class party what happens?  One room parent has been emailing me about her serving spoon.  More than once.  I would have prefered if she had just shown up at my door and said “do you mind if I rifle through your kitchen and see if I can find over grown spork?”

She is a nice person, so I finally did hunt around for it after the last email.  I thought I would add a little drama into this potluck tension.  I sent her the following:

“Today’s newspaper let’s you know your spoon is alive as of today.  But, if you don’t follow my instructions it is in danger.”

potluck ransomeI should have told her that she needed to drop of a entrée that would feed ten if she ever wanted to see her spoon again.  No vegi platter.  No one ever eats the raw cauliflower.

But, instead this morning I handed to the other room parent and said, “your girl wants me to put this in her kid’s cubby.  I’m not even sure who her kid is let alone run her cubby.”

She got it.  “She didn’t put her name on it like you asked?  I’ll take care of it.”  Later I saw her leaving a message on her cell phone, “Hey, I’ve got your crummy spoon what do you want me to do with it?”

It’s still better we hosted.  If you leave something in the park, would it be there if you went back? Would you still want it?

 

Mysteries of motherhood

When did that brown spot appear on my face?  Who stole my old knees?  Things I wonder about.  To promote Debra Messing’s new show “The Mysteries of Laura” I was asked to speak about my own mysteries of motherhood ( and to include a successful you tube couple called NiveNuls.I have see odd stuff in my house and I bet you have in yours.  What’s up with that?

 

 

sponsored by WOMWomen.com

Butt really

We all gaze at our kids when they are little.  Their little noises, lips, legs. All so cute.  So when I saw Rex standing in the TV room with only his shirt on I did what any loving mom would do.  I kissed his butt.  “Oh, you are so cute, baby.”

happy times santa cruz boardwalk

happy times santa cruz boardwalk

“Mommy, I just went poo.”

“Oh”

“And you just kissed me butt!”

“Oh, well, do you need some help with that?” Realizing that he was standing just outside the open door of the bathroom.

“No.”  Oh, good I thought he has been listening to my lectures about how no one will wipe him in Kindgarten and he has to do it all himself.

“I’m not done yet.”

“Oh”. He kept getting less, and less cute and my actions seemed rash in retrospect.

New Moms, win stuff

 

 

"I'm just chillin in my mommy, oh yeah."

Chatted with a pediatrician the other day. Not our own, but Dr. Bhargava …..  She is the spokesperson for Web MD’s new pregnancy app. Which is available for free.

It was well timed as Rex was home sick. He had been throwing up for a couple of days, but no fever.  So, my first question was,  no point in calling a doctor, right?  Basically, the answer was yes, just keep him hydrated.  I told her I was having a “Black Smoke” day, NOTHING was getting done.  I was wiped out.  Then I moved beyond my immediate life

TIRED MOM BLOGGER: As a pediatrician you want to take care of kids, but you end up having to  treat the parents in a sense.  Is that a drag?

Dr Bhargava: No, they are key stake holders.  They have to be comfortable with the information they get.

ME: ( still digging for the parent dig) Is that difficult, because you wanted to help children and now you have to deal with these adults?

THE PERSON WITH WAY MORE EDUCATION THAN I:  I like talking to parents.  It’s team work.  I’m one of the team members. It’s a priviledge.

ME GETTING TO THE SELLING POINT: Now you have this app, which I would have loved when I was pregnant because I was going online all the time to check the size of the baby and check my experience as compared to other women.   It does feel like there are so many more things available to a pregnant woman, than just 4 years ago. Is pregnancy more popular right now, or what? Is there a hunger for information or to curate that information?

DR:  There is a hunger for information on a variety of health issues.  There is a lot of information coming at people and you have to be careful who you are getting it from.  You want it based on facts.  This is a great way to get this.  WEB MD updates there information regularly.

ME WHILE DRINKING MORE COFFEE: What’s one of the big missing component that pregnant women aren’t getting?

DR: ( she didn’t think anything was missing) One thing this helps with is to remember what to ask your doctor during your visits.  It also helps keep your memories of the pregnancy.  What was your craving, things like that.

WOMEN WHO STUDIED IMPROV: Since you are a working mom, what did you do on days you had to go in a practice medicine when you had been up with your child?  When you were having a black smoke day?

WOMEN WHO STUDIED MEDICINE: (laughed) I love the black smoke days.  I’m going to borrow that from you.  I’ve had so many of those.  I thought when my kids were over 3 I was over those sleepless nights, but as they get older you are up for different reasons.  Look, moms need to take care of themselves.  They are the center of households and they need to take the time to destress.

So that was the interview, no here is the giveaway!!  If you are a new parent, or know one.  Leave your name and I will randomly pick a name on Friday to get this new app and other great things to have when you have a baby.

1.     Swaddling blankets:  SwaddleDesign Ultimate Receiving Blanket

2.     Digital thermometer:  Vick’s Baby Rectal Thermometer

3.     Towel & Washcloth:  Aden & Anais La Mer Towel & Washcloth

4.     WebMD magazine most recent issue

5.     Other collateral from WebMD on pregnancy (Note: I don’t know what collateral they plan to send, hopefully not collateral damage)

Leave your name and if you win that’s a white smoke day!

 

Muesday

Wait, isn't it Museday?

As language evolves we sometimes need to nudge it to keep up with us.  Thus I propose a new word: Muesday.  Not a day to look for inspiration, but a day after a school or federal holiday where your Tuesday becomes a Monday.

This Museday had me behind the eight ball.  Vivien growled at me from her nightgown, “where is the Nutella mom?  You said you do the shopping on Monday.”

Yes, I started to answer, it is Monday. But, wait!!  Cut to sharp close up of my face in startled terror.  Oh, no it’s TUESDAY.

Everything gets backed up.  Right after drop off I ran to the store.  I actually had to tell myself when I remembered the calls and tasks for work related things I had to do, “just act like an adult, just bear down.”  I wanted it to be Fuesday.  That would mean the end of the week.