Lets be honest. Babies are boring. Life affirming the object of our undying love and boring. I’m reminded of this when I got a text from a new mom friend. An honest one.
“IM SO BORED”. Yes, she knows she is blessed to have this scrumptious gift, but it’s dull. They can’t talk, play craps, play who would you rather.
That’s why when I meet mother’s who never hire a sitter or don’t have a handy relative to help I think THEY ARE CRAZY AND SHOULD GET THEIR TUBES TIED. Sometimes the monkey needs to roar.
If you have a baby it’s OKAY to think, “This is boring.” Better than thinking that you should be in a constant state of ecstasy and excitement. Better than thinking, is everyone really fulfilled and I’m the bad mom who wants to watch a movie uninterrupted, travel the world or have sex with that guy who I just saw in the parking lot? Normal thoughts.
Play out all you want in your head. Think whatever goofy fantasy or try to steal to the computer to catch a glimpse of an adult conversation.
If POW’s can get through their experience so can you.
You do have to show up for motherhood, but your thoughts are your own. And as you count the delicious little toes and put plastic blocks out for your baby to suck on you think, “I’m so BORED” that’s okay.
Very few moments of motherhood look like this.
one of my favorite parts of my weekend is reading Modern Love in the NY Times Style section on Sunday. They are well written essays about all kinds of relationships. This past Sunday was no exception. But, while it was well written, it has really disturbed me. Pleaseread it and tell me what you think. In short, a woman had a boyfriend who died leaving an orphaned 8 year old girl. The writer didn’t really like the girl. Eventually an aunt and uncle took her in, but after a whopping 5 days decided they would turn her out. This child went to foster care and then was adopted.
The end of the essay the writer is musing on what her life would have been like had she decided to mother this orphan. I’m thinking, who cares about you lady?
I would not put my niece and nephew up for foster care. I am the god mother to my best friend’s child and if, God forbid, something happens to her parents, it’s all written down that I will take her. I’m sure a child in that position would be difficult: their parents have just dropped dead.
This theme was brought up a while ago when that lady returned her adopted Russian son. But, why do people think children are like a belt from Nordstroms?
My mother told me the essay depressed her as well. But, she has known kids (she runs a high school) who have had their families give up on them. I get it, they are inconvenient. So what?
This Momversation read my mind. I was a little bummed to realize at Rex’s milestone birthday I was not as thin as I was when as when Vivien turned 1. Not a huge difference, but a difference I covet. Of course I think I can give myself a break. I was a mom of leisure for Viv’s first year and with Rex I’ve been working, moving, salvaging finances, you know… recession fun! Not to mention being 3 and half years older.
How long did you use the new mom excuse?
Oh, the things we give up in order to be mothers:
- our bodies
- casual sex
- indiscriminate spending
- time to read
- spa days with the girls
- casual sex
Well, here is one more thing that I have to say good bye to… at least for now.
Been on a blog semi-holiday since I’m still trying to get the hang of a newborn and having two children. Just when it seemed like I could handle it, the kids and I caught colds. Felt so bad that little Rex got sick. Vivien was nearly a year before she got sick. My body was impervious to all ills while pregnant, but now that nature took its protective coating off, I feel every ding and zing.
Here’s a photo of me trying to blog while Rex seemed like he was going to sleep and Viv was the park with a neighbor friend. A pacifier can be so helpful or such a pain. Here he wanted it, but every time it fell out he was crying. And it fell out every 10 seconds. Thus I was getting stuff done at 10-second increments. Hard to know when to binky and when not too. Maybe the present will help?
I am doing much better though then after Vivien. There is nothing like new motherhood when you are really in the “what the f%^&!!!” mode. The first two weeks with Rex waking up at 1 and 4 a.m. for feedings was no biggie. And I was so excited by him. But now, I’m nearly in a coma when I do. Mark is good about helping. I nurse, nudge him, and he takes Rex for burping and trying to get him back down. Rex is big enough that the doc says he doesn’t need to be woken up for feedings yet. Rex has not gotten this memo.
By the way, if I post blogs where I say the same thing multiple times, forgive me… I can’t remember what I have said or done…
Just over 2 weeks, and I have a cold. Oy vey. Rex is still a relatively good baby, but the last couple of nights have been a tad more challenging. Dying for a mid-morning snooze and just got him to nod off in the vibey chair.
I am feeling well enough now, though, to be bummed about my body. But I keep telling myself it’s just over two weeks. I should give it a month or two before I really kick in with the self-loathing.
I did the repeat-effect picture to represent what I believe is the hallmark of new motherhood, “The Groundhog Day Effect.” It ‘s the same thing, everyday.
My neighbors and friends have been so nice to me that it’ s made a big difference in any baby blues that could occur. Bringing a gift for Viv and Rex, having a cup of tea, or bringing me a sandwich. Breaking that isolated-mommy feeling does as much for me as if I had a flat stomach… Okay, maybe almost as good.
I had a dream last night that I was in a room with Bill Clinton, and I asked him if he wanted to have a liaison (although in the dream, I said it in a more crude manner). He turned me down! Instead of thinking he had learned his lesson, reinvested in his marriage, and didn’t want to embarrass his wife anymore, I thought, “Oh God, I must really look like hell. I have really let myself look bad if Bill Clinton won’t hit this!”
Sometimes we can see the changes this motherhood thing makes in you, and so many other times, they slowly creep up on you. It even affects how I am at work, hence the need for this vlog about foul language at work.