Stretch Mark Creams

Man, did that kid feel like he was about to launch out. I’ve been lucky I don’t have anything too funky on my belly (the arms, though forget it!). But this stretch mark cream bizness… come on! My skin is as dry as crackers, and I didn’t get any stretch marks. It’s hormonal… but if George Clooney wants to rub some stretch cream on me, I will become a convert.

He’s Almost Here!!

Yes, I do look slightly deranged here.  My son is being delivered this Sunday the 15th at 10 a.m.  Wish us well! I am getting very excited. Also, excited not to be so gassy.

This week I’m trying to get it all done. From taxes to highlights, from nails to food schedule. What’s a food schedule? Well, the joy of a scheduled C section is I have the next two weeks scheduled to the hour. As in, who is spending the night with Viv, who is picking her up from school, who is helping me when I get home. My husband goes back to work pretty fast, so I am signing up my girlfriends for lunch time help. The idea is they bring me a sandwich and hang out for a bit while I take a shower or what have you. I’m trying to be realistic about the start of this caring for a life thing.

So far, my friends have liked having a day picked for them. Instead of the general, “Call if you need help,” I say, “Okay, the 27th good for you?” I can’t pick up a phone once I’m in the trenches; I will just whimper.

So, I taped vlogs a head of time. So you will probably see me pregnant after I have delivered. I am going to post a picture of my boy and me from the hospital if i can get someone to upload it. I will show the world what a real new mom looks like. LIKE HELL!

Things I Would Change About My Delivery

Days away… I have been thinking a lot about what I want to do differently from my last delivery. But I also have to stop myself from trying to overplan, even if it’s trying to correct things from before. ‘Cause it could be so different. And as much as I want a nice experience for me, I really want my little boy to come out healthy and screaming. The rest is gravy. Of course I’d like to be healthy too. I just saw an Oprah where the mom got a flesh-eating virus, so now I have to worry about that too. Harumph.

Drinking While Pregnant

Tonight was my night for a cocktail. Days from delivery, and darn it, it was good. As I slurped, my friend and I recounted how we use to sit on the armrest of our parents’ cars. Who had a car seat?

The doc says I can drink now… a little… I didn’t do shots and probably won’t have more than a sip of beer in a few days. But from what I hear, it’s better to drink now than when I nurse.

Hope my son won’t be too short.

No Hubby at the OBGYN

This pregnancy has differed in so many ways from my first. For one thing, I thought it was my husband’s duty to go with me to nearly all doctor visits. Now, I’m like, “If you are busy it’s no big deal.” Or “Just come to the ultrasounds,” which makes me him be more like, “I wanna come!” Here is where I confess about my sweet husband bugging me at the doctors.

Pregnancy Arm Rash… Again

Hmm… yum, yep, that’s my wonderful pregnancy arm rash rearing its pretty head.

Or as I like to call it, Arm Acne. Not as bad as with Vivien, but lately it’s been driving me nuts. This hot itchy feeling wakes me up at 2 a.m., and I am ripping into my arm. I sleep with the window open for maximum cool ’cause as a Chinese doctor told me when I was carrying Vivien, “You have too much heat.” (It’s much worse to have this in the summer.)

But even when the itching stops when Junior Fab is born, I will have more scars on my already scarred up arms. I know, not the worst thing that can happen to your body… not like a wicked tear… ouch. But I sure would like something that would take these scars off. Gosh, if I was a teen I wouldn’t leave the house… no wonder I’m such a fan of sleeves and spray tans.
On the other spectrum of body art is this Obama nail.

I got it done for my show. It’s a cool method called Minx. It’s like a piece of foil with a picture on it. It doesn’t stink like acrylics and lasts a fair bit. The Obama nails were very popular around the 20th. It’s cool, but isn’t it still nail art??

Peeing Too Much

Since I stopped working out…. well, small hand weights while I watch TV… I think urination has become my sport. I was always good at it. When I worked in radio I had “who can piss faster contests” on air with guys I worked with. Including washing of hands, I always won. I know, don’t be jealous; some people are born with a talent, and I have a very fast bladder. Too bad it’s not a sport I can monetize. The frequent peeing thing is less stressful this time than it was the first pregnancy. Like so many of the pregnancy symptoms, I take it in stride knowing it will be done soon. And since this is my swan song to pregnancy, I really don’t want to complain but embrace it all. I also know the night pees are getting me in training for waking up with a newborn.
True story. When I was near delivering with Vivien, I was in Santa Monica (as Harry Shearer calls it “the home of the homeless”). I was parked on the 3rd or 4th floor of the parking structure up from the shops. The elevator was broken, so heaving my large frame, I made up to the car. Now, mind you it’s summer as well. Okay, so I am standing by my car, and I realize I have to piss like a moose. I can’t face going down and coming back up. And the merchants aren’t that open about sharing their baños anyway. I think hey, millions of homeless people can’t be wrong, right? So I go to the front of my car (the hidden part) and just peed.  There, I admit, and I will never make it in politics anyway.