Mad dream

You know those dreams that seem so real they are hard to shake?  Last night I had one and I was going to clobber my husband in the morning, except that Rex’s body was half draped across his. Nice the boy protects his father.

I get up hours before Mark does so I had had coffee and breakfast and was able to calm down enough to tell him about my dream.

“We didn’t have any kids yet and you hadn’t lost your money yet. We had just gotten married and where staying a fancy hotel, but you also had an Asian girlfriend.”

Mark, ” I like where this dream is going.”

“No, it was a terrible dream, because on our first day of marriage you told me that tomorrow me and your young daughter-”


“Yeah, Oliver was a girl.”

“Named Oliva?”

Exasperated, “She didn’t have a name I was just going to have to mind her while spent a night with your Asian girlfriend.  I was fuming and you didn’t see anything wrong with it.”

“I have a lot of nerve.”

“Yes, you do.  I was bathed in expensive clothes and jewelery and then it occurred to me that I could leave you.  I didn’t have kids with you and I would leave you.  I walked in to the closet where you were and told you so.  You still didn’t get why I wasn’t okay with this arrangement and then I screamed, “who do you think I am ___ ____”  I screamed the name of a women my father had a very icky relationship with that adversely affected my family of origin.

“You were really angry.”  Mark said.

Then I let him have his first cup of coffee.

On the way to school Vivien asked if I had put the meatloaf I had made for dinner the night before in her lunch as she had asked.

“Oh, sweetie, daddy ate the last of it.  But, today is taco day!” normally a winner.  Not today.

“Waaa, I wanted the meatloaf!”  I had a brief thrill that she was so excited about my meatloaf.  But, she was now spiraling down a sensitive little girl path that meant dropping her off at school would not go smoothly.  I called Mark.

“You ate all of the meatloaf, right?”  He had.  The phone was on speaker so he could hear the sobs.  Yes, he had actually done something wrong for real. Well, eating dinner in his own home when he is hungry might not qualify, but it would have to do.

I assured her I would make the loaf of wonder again tonight.

As good as it is, I hope it doesn’t give me bad dreams.

First day of Kindergarten

We have crossed another milestone.

Getting to school on time.  Not the specialty of the Brogdon Peels. But, for pre school, heck, who cares?  Well now it’s the big time, the start of elementary school.  Public school.  They need their funding, you can’t be late.

I took Vivien out the day before school started for what my use to call “Day Outs”.  It was a day we got with out mom alone and she bought us new school clothes and we could pick where we wanted lunch.  I keenly remember the excitement and pleasure I had in saying “HoJo’s!” as my lunch pick. I took Vivien a tad more up market, Bouchon. Pomme Frites and croque madam. We got some practical clothes.  Mostly Gap kids.  I tried to be original, but they have good stuff and a good price. It was a fun day and nice to look forward as opposed to the mourning I’ve been in.

The night before school I laid her clothes, enforced a strict bed time…for everyone.  It was Chef Peel’s night off, but most nights this will be tough for the late worker.  I had announced we had to be out the door by 8:05am.  We were driving away at 8:10.  Not bad.100_4111

There was a crowd at school as all the parents, grandparents, siblings were there.  We found her teacher outside and lined up with the rest of the crowd.  Vivien put her hands over her ears.  She had been excited, but clearly this was not fun for her.  Mark got down to her level.

“Vivien does this all seem confusing?”


“Noisy, too?” He explained to her that other morning it would be less chaotic.  He told her she was brave and hugged her.

We got to walk with the kids to class and stood as they took their place on the rug I had cleaned the week before.  I restrained myself from bragging to the other parents, “hey, you could eat of that baby!  Where were you, huh?”  After one story we were kicked out.

Vivien was brave.  “bye mommy, bye daddy” she said barely looking at us as we shuffled out of the room with the other ejected parents and Rex.

I didn’t cry. I did fret all day.  Should I have held her back?  Was she ready?  Is this the right school for her? Why was “nurse jackie” in the comedy category at the Emmy’s, when it’s more of a drama.  Well, the mind wanders.

Mark and I were there to pick her up ten minutes early.  Had she done okay?  Had they feed her?  It was suppose to be beef tacos.  Did she like it?  Would she be turned off to education for the rest of her life and become a fat sloth who slept on my couch as an adult and stole change from my purse to get cigarettes? 100_4122

“How was your day Vivien?”


Maybe I could keep my change.