No, I’m not McCain’s running mate. No, I’m not 17, nor have I moved to Alaska. But, happily, I am…

PREGNANT!! We are thrilled. We have been waiting to talk about it until we got past the point that we lost our pregnancy last year. That was at 14 and half weeks, and after the CVS had said the baby was healthy and a girl. I am now 16 weeks, the CVS is showing all good and it’s a boy! I pray, affirm, chant, whatever works, that this baby will be born healthy.

Mark and I feel like we can finally be happy about it. A few weeks ago when I asked Mark about names, he looked dire and said he wouldn’t discuss it until after 15 weeks. I completely understood. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, either. Although now, even though we are not out of the woods, our hopes are way up.

My stepchildren have been really cool. My stepdaughter, in particular, expressed excitement, which makes me feel good, since I still half-expect to be rejected by them (due to my own anxieties, not because of anything they say or do). Vivien isn’t totally connected to what is happening, but she has said a few times, “I’m going to have a baby brother!”

I’m trying to relax my anxiety. I’m thinking seriously of seeing a therapist, since every time I have a check-up, I start crying because I’m so afraid that once again the ultrasound will show that there is no heartbeat. I have to get a grip. And covet this joy.