Cool “something” coming soon

So,  long story short:  As my kids got older, as youtube dominated the net, as I lost my production partners (aka…people who paid for cameras, editing)  I’ve kind let this thing die.. a bit.  It’s also WAY harder to making any nickels compared to the old days (2008).  Now everyone and their dog has vlogs.

Well, my old partners have morphed into Kin Community and they have kindly handed me all my vids, the rights to this site, etc. (here are the keys, start tagging!  So, I would like to re-engage with coolmom.com.  However, I still have who are at an age where vlogging about them is more problematic than when they were still in diapers ( Vivien is 11, Rex 8)  They know how to say things like “Don’t post that picture mommy”.   I do not have financial partners so my production value will look like home made porno… with clothes on.

This kid has no idea he is being exploited so his mom can turn a buck. Lordy, I miss that sausage leg

This kid has no idea he is being exploited so his mom can turn a buck.
Lordy, I miss that sausage leg

HERE ARE ALL THE 500 PLUS VIDEOS I DID.. GOOD, BAD, INBETWEEN.

Also, as my kids become more independent so did I.  I  do not identify myself as a mom as much.  I still like “you are a great mom” as my fave compliment, but I also have discovered my body again… sex… exercise… reading…. washing my car.  Things that were not possible just a few years ago.

Between my own years of community work ( and some guy named Trump, heard of him?)  I’m engaged politically.

I had a Food Network show ( you might have heard about it). Helped launch my husband’s latest venture Prawn.

So, this site will be less cute kiddo vids and I think more Cool food mom, Cool activist mom,  Cool mom whose breasts still look damn good after nursing two babies for two years each… just a few ideas.  I  also want to spruce up some of the best ones from the old days.

When then President Obama you to stop by.   My talented friend Ronnie Butler jr.

When then President Obama you to stop by.
My talented friend Ronnie Butler jr.

Have some more?  Let me know…  Look for me here.. breasts and all!   Let’s see where this goes.

Inauguration… it’s coming

Being a Pro Hillary, Non Trump person I have felt kind of like the Grinch.  We take the trappings of Christmas away and Christmas comes anyway.

It comes without mandate!

It comes without civility

It comes without logic, equality and voting rights!

It comes with Putin, voter suppression, the FBI meddling and Newt!

But, it comes nonethless.

inaugural protestMy kids were making fun of Donald Trump before I barely noticed him as a viable candidate.  The kids got it first.  He was a big presence.  They don’t like him and I say, you guys I’ve lived a lot longer than you all and I’m telling you, this is NOT the kind of person we have as a president.  People usually at least try to be gentleman and mend fences.  Not here.

So, as I prepare to March Saturday  ( I hope to get some protesting in Friday too, but I have to work, so you know work/life/protest balance) I keep thinking, what is on my sign?

There is the I can’t accept you dude genre:  “Repeal and Replace Donald Trump”  Which is kind a cool because it sticks up for ACA too.  Or “I’m not with him”.   But, since he is in, I’m not sure that strikes the right tone.

There are the single issue signs.  Several protest Friday in LA focus on Immigration rights and protecting the Dreamers.  So many good causes to champion in the age of Trump. Protecting the climate ( 2016 was THE hottest year on record  Don), Health care, funding for education, housing, safeguarding financial system, etc, etc.  As long as no on is threatening harm to a human I’m down with whatever sign.

As a woman I certainly do NOT feel represented and was looking forward to seeing someone who looked like me as POTUS.  Who had to get her clothes ready for work and give her child attention while she had cramps and nag her husband to help her unload the dishwasher.  Who had been a solid professional, but had men look at each other in a meeting while was ignored.    Who was shushed so a man could be heard.  I’m very sad at the large amount of white woman who did not vote for Hillary.  “Something about her I don’t like”.  Was John Kerry or Al Gore the kings of personality?  Did they always ring authentic? No, but I supported them because their policies more closely aligned with me.  Sadly a confluence of internalized misogyny and lure of celebratory and lack of critical thinking won the day.  So, that woman will not take the oath.

So, I keep thinking.. when the whoos down in whoo ville circle up, what do I want them to see on my sign?  ( not that many will see it, but go with me)

Some say, don’t go too negative.  Trump will just dismiss critics. Maybe true, but I also need to do this for my own self expression.  So, I’m going to have a two sided signs.  One is a suggestion for how I think our future POTUS should act and one is a cause that I would like us to unify around.

One side was a friend of friends idea:  “We need a leader, not a tweeter”.  His assault on our psyche with that nonsense needs to stop.  Most of us plebs tweet and blog because we have no platform otherwise.  This guy is the most famous dude in the world.  Why is acting like a teenager?  What no snap chat?

The other is to support the first thing I ever marched for as a kid: ERA.  The Equal Rights Amendment.  It never passed.  That’s right.  It is NOT in our constitution that women are equal.  So, I think I’ll throw on my “Don’t blame me, I voted for her” T-shirt and hold up my sign. There is a great article HERE that holds out hope that sometimes the leader you think is your worst enemy can surprise you.

The best thing I can say about him now is I hope he surprises me.  I hope you acts more inclusive, rational.  But, I doubt it.

 

I

I’m still with her

I’m still with her.  

But, I’m at a loss of what to say to my kids.  There is all the stuff any good parent says to their kids: “Be kind, be smart, do your homework, treat people with respect, do onto others, be humble, don’t grab women’s pussy’s.”  But, it rings hollow now because the guy who just got elected broke all those rules and is being richly rewarded.

for election watch party

for election watch party

Why did women vote for him?  You really think he will create jobs Michigan?  Why is he building a wall against Canada?

I am proud of Hillary Clinton.  She worked so hard.  She put up with abuse and ridicule that 99.9% would have crumbled under.  She came so very close.  She won the popular vote.  Last night I had hoped to sit between my mother and daughter and cheer the first ever female president of the US.  Instead I held my daughter and niece as they sobbed and my mom had already left saying “I can’t take it.”

my kids helping me make calls for Hillary two days before election

my kids helping me make calls for Hillary two days before election

By saying I’m with her I also mean I’m with people of color and immigrants, gays, handicapped, POW’s, my gosh, our Generals!  All the people President Elect Game Show host has insulted in his 18 month campaign.  

This morning as Vivien cried, “Mommy, what do we do?”  I said, “I don’t know.”   So, it was all the more helpful when Hillary talked right to her.

“To all the little girls watching…never doubt that you are valuable and powerful & deserving of every chance & opportunity in the world.”

We must keep reminding them this in the face of living in a country which elected a man who boasted about grabbing women’s privates, who condescended to Hillary all the time.  In the face of having watched the debates where she was vastly more articulate and informed than him and yet, she will not be the president.

Making history... voting in the morning.  Hopeful and wearing white for sufferagettes

Making history… voting in the morning. Hopeful and wearing white for sufferagettes

I‘m with her means I salute my mom, a life long feminist.  I was a little girl when the ERA wasn’t ratified and now, years later… sigh.. same old story.  The old white boys club.  The FBI, Trump, GOP and some misguided working class people who think he is their champion.

I resent that he is a guy who never did a day of community work in his life.  There is commitment to public service.  I’m wondering the point of all of mine.  I’m discouraged.

I’m with her because I’m not going to be a nice little girl and go away.  I’m a proud Nasty Woman and I’m staying that way.  History does not run on a smooth trajectory.  I know this election is on the wrong side of history, but we are on this zig zag nonetheless.   

I’m with her because I’m going to support my daughter and son to be feminists.  Who judge a person by the content of their character.  Brother, this President Elect is wanting in that department.

Would have been nice instead of talking about polls… that were wrong.. if the media had EVER done a compare and contrast with the candidates policies.  But, who am I kidding? It wouldn’t have changed the outcome in a society riddled with sexism and adoring of reality TV.

I was overjoyed that my country elected a man of color in ’08.  Yay!  My country isn’t as racist as I thought it was.  But, it is as sexist as I thought it was.  SEXISM RUNS THROUGH ALL COLORS AND CULTURES.  

I’m still in shock.  A cross between being jilted, a death, a bit of 9/11, of “what world is this?” feeling.  But, when I manage to wash my hair again I hope to have a plan.  Because a big part of me wants to become a hermit and live deep in Michigan.. if only to vote in the next election.

brain draino

As I lie in bed.. and I’m not going to lie.. lying in bed for a month, I’ve lost weight and I like it.  Look for my new book “Do nothing, lose weight.”

cover of upcoming book

cover of upcoming book

Anyway as I lie in bed and read the paper and the internet it’s hard to not feel dread and sadness at the shootings, at Trump’s hate speech, feel like the world is going to hell in a hand basket.  What helps me is not to stay in the macro, but to also look at the micro. Let me offer you some brain draino from the negative of the day.

In my micro world I’ve been humbled by the goodness of friends of neighbors helping me and my kids while I have been sick.  The first week when I thought it was a bad cold it was hard to make sense of what was going on .  Mark was still rushing off to work per normal.  I got pretty upset and emotional.  “I can’t do what I normally do.”  I can’t be the one who makes breakfast and school lunches everyday.  I would have filed for divorce if I could have gotten out of bed.  The fevers where making me loopy.  I wasn’t sure of my thoughts. I was so tired I could barely get to the bathroom.

Slowly, he started to step up, but there are still gaps when he is gone and week two I was much worse.  I texted a neighbor, “can you please bring me soup and feed my kids?”  I didn’t know I could do such a thing.

food made with love tastes the best

food made with love tastes the best

So  desperate an ask.  But she came over with soup for me and took my kids to her house for a few hours where she made them dinner and they had a good time.  She continued to bring tea or soup over the next several days.  I just gave her my key.  I wasn’t going anywhere.

I had to punt Thanksgiving to my sisters.  I cabbed over for about an hour, but I was a zombie at the table.  I thought I would have made my creamed spinach, my cheese pinwheels..but was a feverish day dream.

Days kind of blurred. Another neighbor texted, “may I bring you dinner?”  Please.  Meanwhile another neighbor whose son is at our school was picking up my kids almost everyday.how to bring food to the sick

I think people think if people are married they are covered, but “it’s takes a village” is a real statement.  It’s not it takes a nuclear family.  When I’m healthy I need my friendships, I need the camaraderie of the world and certainly when I’m sick I’ve learned my level of need.  I knew I had to go back to the doctor ( I went early and I tested negative for everything).  I decided I would call a cab and get to the Sunday clinic when they opened.  My friend Anya came over with a big tea pot and said, “I will be here at 8am and take you.”  I said, only if you promise to leave because the stress of her waiting with me would get to me.  I don’t want to be burden.

at the doctor's they asked me to put this on. My Tinder photo?

at the doctor’s they asked me to put this on. My Tinder photo?

She drove me the next morning while my family slept and sure enough the doctor said, “pneumonia”. I got some antibiotics and the fevers lessened.

Long story, but I needed to go to my regular doctor the next day to adjust the meds.  An uber took me there and back.  I love just being able to lie down in the back seat.  Money well spent.  I got the right medications.

A friend texted me, “anything I can do?”  Yes, can you get chicken tenders from Vons for my kids?”  I had soup, but I needed a ringer for my kids and I couldn’t stand let alone cook.  Now, at this point you might say, Daphne, aren’t you married to a chef?  Couldn’t he have made a week of meals for your kids that you could heat up in his absence?  But, friends that’s how I ended up with a cooking show on the Food Network.daphne dishes  I am the cook of the house.  Mark is still annoyed that the kids don’t want some fancy multi part dish he would like when they really want butter noodles.  Plus, when you cook for a living I don’t think you do at home. I don’t know.   I needed to figure out work arounds. This same friend brought some take out a few days later which I made about 4 days worth of meals out of.  By the way, ones appetite is pretty dinky on pneumonia.

My  sister Cecily took Vivien to a Christmas event I couldn’t make.

good aunt

good aunt

My mom came and hung with the kids because I started to worry that they were alone too much.  My kids have been so kind to me.  They haven’t complained.  Vivien fills my pot of tea.  Rex gives me massages.  One weekend Mark took Rex to a long planned father son camp.

won the first two heats of the box car race

won the first two heats of the box car race

One of those nights I got Vivien a sleep over so I could totally rest.  I knew I was no fun, not able to help with homework, zippo, so I kept wanting to find my kids fun time, company.

I was also fortunate to be friends with an Eastern Doctor who makes house calls.  So, I got acupuncture which helped open my breathing and relax me. She gave me some herbs and pro biotics that erased some side symptoms I was having.

Week 4.. I’m much better, but weak.  I drove to school for parent teacher conference.  Walking in and out of campus.  Talking for an hour my chest hurt.  I felt light headed. I went back to bed.  The kids and Mark went to get the tree.  “help us decorate the tree mommy?”  I can’t.  I got some boxes out and lay on the couch.  “Okay, unspool the lights and walk them around.”  I directed.  I’m so proud of 2014 Daphne, she organized the lights and ornaments for 2015 Daphne. organized christmas So, it’s not just about taking care of others when you can.  Take care of yourself!  Because you don’t know when you will be broke down and your stronger self can help out.  I was so proud of them.  They did the whole tree. I just had to stand on a chair and put the star on, that’s it.trimming the tree

As this was going on a dear old friend ( more than 20 years) showed up with three different entrees.  Home made mac and cheese ( fab) home made chicken soup and a frozen chicken curry.  Also from her kitchen.  It’s people like this that make me strive to be a better friend, a better person.

So, when you read the bad things let’s remember that most people are good.  That if we ask for help it comes!  For years Mark and later I too have done some fund raising for Meals on Wheels.  Man, I really get it know. Being a homebound, elderly person with no one visiting you but a sweet person bearing food.  That would make quite a difference in your life.   I don’t need any presents under my tree I already got more than I could ask for.