no wonder I hate mother’s day

This is what my mother’s day looked like..real mothers day

Well, that’s not fair, I also had vomit on my pink P.j’s from when Rex threw up on me.  But, I’m sparing you a photo of that. No awkward brunch with corsage, no red roses, no sachet.

It would all be a day’s work, but being told it’s “MOTHER’S DAY” makes me cranky.  Same way Valentine’s day makes you think your in a crap relationship, when it’s just normal.  Expectations.

Mark is working hard, quite rightly, new business.  As he was rushing out the door in the AM I pleaded for some coffee, toast, NY Times and he complied.  The kids were great for 2 hours because they had a friend over.  Hey, this is ok. My stepson called me which the biggest gift that he can give me, he knows my number! (see desperate stepmom seek connection)  Then when the friend left my little ones turned on each other like demons.  Though to be fair.  I made it worse.  They would settle into a show, a game what have you and after a bit I would check in on them.  My presence was a catalyst for them turning on each other.

“I’m going to leave you guys alone” I said as I walked out of the room for 2 hours.  No fighting. I’m the problem.

In the evening things had settled down, we were watching Season Finale of one of our favorite shows, “Once upon a Time”.   Okay, day has it’s grace notes.  Then Rex threw up on me.

Well, I don’t like red roses anyway.

 

Toast

As if being in back to school re entry wasn’t bad enough, now my little guy is sick.  Get the bucket sick.  For two days!

He feels bad, and I didn’t sleep much.  A couple of times I was the bucket.  Good thing I had my hair up.

We are both toast.

I feel a little guilty enjoying his sweet constant cuddles when he is sick.  But, I hope this ends soon.  He is miserable.

People Are Meant To Eat

So I noticed Dooce’s response to people who are unhappy with her vegi cleanse. I get cutting out meat. I did that for a while…three months, then one taste of bacon and it was all over. And I get cutting out red meat since they say cow farts contribute to global warming. And if I’m going to do something I think I would rather cut out a steak rather than my air conditioning*.

Since I live in California I’m no stranger to wacky and different diets and food beliefs. I got talked into a cleanse a few years back. And it wasn’t just veggies, it was NOTHING. Ten days of nothing, but some crappy tasty Chinese herbs and water. Now, I didn’t seem to get the memo that if you deprive your body of that much sustenance you need to lay down on your coach all day and only move to scratch an itch. No, I wisely decided to pick that week to move out of my apartment in San Francisco.

After a few days of eating air, one gets a bit high. I still don’t know how I stuck to it at all. On day four my friend Whitney and I loaded up a van full of my belongings to drive to my new apartment in Santa Monica. He had to do all the work though because I was feeling a little weak and kept giggling uncontrollably. How I didn’t snack on the boring stretch of Highway 5, I don’t know. Oh, yes I do. I wanted to be skinny. Blah, blah toxins, I wanted a flat stomach and this cleanse was going to kick start my path to svelteness.

The next morning back at my place I got really sick. Vomiting herbs and water, really out of it. All I could do was sleep. I couldn’t even get to the couch. Whitney rolled his eyes at me and said something like, “This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”

I started back with clear broth. Then crackers. Food begot more food. I felt better. I think I’ll just wear Spanx.

*Oh god! I just saw pig farts hurt the environment too. Damn, my bacon is threatened again!