I Married a Pirate

SO it’s a good thing Top Chef isn’t taping this month, ’cause my poor husband has some gnarly eye surgery awaiting him. He had a floater a few weeks ago. When he went to the doctor they said he had a retinal tear. They shot 600 laser blasts to contain it, but a blood vessel popped. The blood drips down into the jelly of the inside of the eyeball, and thus his left eye’s vision looks like a Jackson Pollack painting.

He has gone back to the doctor several times, had second opinions, and the upshot is the eye doctors at UCLA and USC agree he needs surgery. They are going to extract the jelly… suck it out as it were, then refill the eye ball… the vitreous with a substitute… some saline solution. You can see I didn’t go to medical school.

He has to be TOTALLY chill for 48 hours and for several weeks is not even suppose to be in a car unless it’s to go to the doctor. He can’t pick Vivien up at all and must be careful about lifting Rex. So obviously I am concerned about what he has to go through. He is being very brave. I’d be flipping out. And I’m bracing for being in charge of the whole shooting match. I’ll be the Kate Gosselin as it were… except instead of my husband being AWOL with a 22 year old, he’ll be sitting quietly with an eye patch. One that he has to wear for weeks. I’m clearing the decks next week so I can be a good nurse… I fear I’ll be like Kathy Bates in Misery.

Has anyone dealt with this kind of eye surgery before? It seems very scary to me, but Dr. Dean Edell (my mentor) said it’s pretty routine, though serious. Wondering what to expect in helping him and what I won’t get help with.

He has such nice shoulders. Maybe I should get him a parrot?

Post-Pregnancy Weight Loss

Argh, I know! It’s only been 7 weeks, but I’m feeling impatient to not have what looks like a small butt on my lower belly. I know it took 6 months to lose weight with Viv, but I’m worried. And it doesn’t help that I have recently done a red-carpet event staring up close at Anne Hathaway, Nicky Hilton, and the like, and that I just did a shoot with Kim Kardashian (she is selling shoes now at Shoedazzle.com). I feel big and old.

[Sidebar: you can be thin, pretty, and rich, but the humor and charisma meter pin won’t budge. The worst offender recently was Nicky Hilton. Honey, don’t act all shy and meek; you are at a public event for Pete’s sake.]

But I digress. I started trying to do a decent walk everyday. And some mornings I say I will go to an exercise class, but by the time I feed Viv and nurse Rex, class has begun, and I stay seated in my milk-soaked gown. Maybe I’ll just play a lot of hide and seek with Viv.