potluck ransom

I love pot lucks.  I like hosting pot lucks. However,  rules must be observed.  Put your name on your stuff.  I can’t run everyone down

” did you leave the powder blue bowl?  The Winnie the pooh platter?  The silver pan?  Were you even here?”

I’m fine with hosting class parties.  I like to.  If not we end up in some gross LA city park with porta potties and bums sleeping next to the kids while they play capture the flag.  I don’t mind the set up, clean up.  We have a big backyard.  I just want people to take their shit with them when they leave.  The one night stand is over, get your crap and get out.  You never wanted to hear from that dude at the club you bedded after a few too many did you?  No, I don’t even remember his name.  But, he kept calling me “lips.”

After grilling our room teachers with the rules before our class party what happens?  One room parent has been emailing me about her serving spoon.  More than once.  I would have prefered if she had just shown up at my door and said “do you mind if I rifle through your kitchen and see if I can find over grown spork?”

She is a nice person, so I finally did hunt around for it after the last email.  I thought I would add a little drama into this potluck tension.  I sent her the following:

“Today’s newspaper let’s you know your spoon is alive as of today.  But, if you don’t follow my instructions it is in danger.”

potluck ransomeI should have told her that she needed to drop of a entrée that would feed ten if she ever wanted to see her spoon again.  No vegi platter.  No one ever eats the raw cauliflower.

But, instead this morning I handed to the other room parent and said, “your girl wants me to put this in her kid’s cubby.  I’m not even sure who her kid is let alone run her cubby.”

She got it.  “She didn’t put her name on it like you asked?  I’ll take care of it.”  Later I saw her leaving a message on her cell phone, “Hey, I’ve got your crummy spoon what do you want me to do with it?”

It’s still better we hosted.  If you leave something in the park, would it be there if you went back? Would you still want it?


9 thoughts on “potluck ransom

  1. This is so hilarious and so spot on! I literally – no exaggeration – received 10+ calls and texts when someone left a small Tupperware bowl here. Not even with the lid. And again, small. After leaving it on my front porch, per her request, and her still not picking it up, followed by more texts and calls, I told her I was leaving it on my lawn permanently. Either she got it or she didn’t but that was that. It was finally picked up about a week later. I think anyway. That IR one of my neighbors got sick of the white trash look of an old (small) Tupperware bowl just randomly sitting in the yard.

    So as always, well done Ms. Daphne!
    Ps- LOVE the one-night-stand analogy! So effing funny

  2. Love your take on potlucks! I’m pretty old so the name on my trays and bowls is one I haven’t used since the early 80’s. But at least there’s a name on my stuff.

  3. Hey Daph, this is funny. You are the Queen of wit! Then there is always that “green stuff” that nobody touches. My first wife would always bring it, lol. Best to you and Mark, hugs to the kids. Love and hugs.

  4. Good lord. I thought the whole idea was that tupperware and serving bowls were to sort of ‘travel the world’ having new adventures in other people’s homes. Just carrying food from one event to the next. BUY SHIT YOU DON’T CARE ABOUT AND EVERYONE GET ON WITH YOUR FUCKING LIFE.

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